Stay at home moms

Hello there!! I am new to this website. I have a question for the spouses. For the first 2 yrs of med school my husband and i lived in FL. For the 3rd yr my husband has be rotating around to different hospitals for his rotations and I went and stayed with our families in UT. I am now 7 months pregnant and will not be working after our baby is born. We are at a loss at what to do for finances. I would love to speak with a wife that is a stay at home mom. I just need some advice on what to do about finances. I would appreciate some input. THANKS!!

LAURA

[Vanquisher]

Hi Laura! Welcome. There are a lot of people here who have been where you are. I've been pretty much exclusively a SAHM (odd jobs here and there) since medical school began 7 years ago.

I just have one big piece of advice: Learn to be comfortable with a lot of debt and living frugally.

There are other things you can do, social programs, working from home, etc. But, the main one is, you are just going to have to resign yourself to the fact that you are going to have a lot of debt, and it will get paid off eventually.

[Deebs]

Laura,
I'm not a stay at home mom (yet), but a few of our friends were during medical school. The one thing I know most of them were concerned about was utilizing social services (like state-aid insurance, etc). My personal feeling is that, if you qualify, use it! Physicians are some of the very few people for whom the system actually works appropriately and as it was designed. You use the system now, when you do have a significant hardship, and then you pay it back, many fold, when you are making an actual income. Often the local health department can be a good place to start in making inquiries regarding any kind of health care assistance.

stay at home moms - THANKS!!

Thanks ladies!! I'm just wondering about how you all recieved additional private loans. Did you have to go through a bank or were there programs for that?

[Vanquisher]

Laura, we literally lived on 14,000 dollars a year. It was very difficult. We had Medicaid, WIC, and my son had free breakfast and lunch when he was in preschool. We got as much in loans as we could, and it still was very, very, very little. WE just got what we could through the school and private loans that we were told were available to us. Look into everything you can. I hope you can find some great programs. Talk to the financial aid counselors and have them adjust your cost of living. It really depends on your school. We only got $50 extra a month per person for food allowance. It's crazy.

When we couldn't make ends meet, we ended up with the rest on credit cards. When loan payments came in, they paid off some of the credit card debt. We asked for $$ for every Christmas and Birthday. We took odd jobs. I did valet parking, web design, and I have done medical transcription.

You might want to consider watching another child in your home.

Same situation

Hi Laura. Welcome to the site! I am in a similar situation, I guess. The only difference is that I worked the 4 years while DH was in school. But I also am 7 months pregnant (CONGRATS BY THE WAY!!!) and I plan on staying home after baby is born. I have been wondering about this too, so I am so glad you brought it up. I was wondering about loan deferment for DH's loans and my student loans. I know he can defer his until he finishes residency, but I wonder if we can defer mine also, since I won't have an income? Any thoughts from anyone?? I know that would help us out financially if we both could defer. Another thing that is going to help us out is that DHs transitional year

[DCJenn]

I got certified and taught a mommy and baby exercise class which did two things- got me out of the house and exercising 4 days a week AND provided some much needed income, not matter how small. (and I figured in the cost savings of not joining a gym)

I worked for Stroller Strides but there are a lot of programs out there. It was fun, too.

Jenn

[Vanquisher]

Re: Same situation

Hi Laura. Welcome to the site! I am in a similar situation, I guess. The only difference is that I worked the 4 years while DH was in school. But I also am 7 months pregnant (CONGRATS BY THE WAY!!!) and I plan on staying home after baby is born. I have been wondering about this too, so I am so glad you brought it up. I was wondering about loan deferment for DH's loans and my student loans. I know he can defer his until he finishes residency, but I wonder if we can defer mine also, since I won't have an income? Any thoughts from anyone?? I know that would help us out financially if we both could defer. Another thing that is going to help us out is that DHs transitional year

Yes. My loans are deferred. You can defer for 3 years for financial hardship and then you can do forbearance at anytime for any reason for up to 3 years, I believe. DO NOT consolidate your loans with his loans FOR ANY REASON!!!

If something were to happen to your spouse, you are not responsible for his loans, but if you consolidate them together, you are.

My loans and his loans are all deferred. Monopoly money at this point. $300 thousand dollars of monopoly money. I'll think about that later.

[Deebs]

As far as getting private loans, DH took out many (he paid for undergrad, grad school, and med school himself, so federal loans ran out after 1 1/2 years of med school). The best advice I can give you is for both of you to become friends with people in the financial aid office. We still call DH's old financial aid office for help, and they really know the ropes as to how to increase cost of living, get money reimbursed for school-related computer expenses, etc. Also, we used Key Bank and Terry (sp?) loans for privates. Again, the financial aid office should have info on all of those options.

[GrayMatterWife]

You might want to consider watching another child in your home.[/quote]

I am not a SAHM, but I employed one! We had our son on the first day of my hubbie's final year of medical school. I'm a lawyer and returned to private practice 12 weeks after our son's birth--so I needed a caregiver that was really flexible, given my insane professional schedule. Through a support-support group at the medical school, I knew a young woman married to an MS3 and who had a 1 year-old girl of her own. I was talking to her one day before my son was born, bemoaning the problem I was having finding flexible childcare (the centers all shut down at 6:00 PM, and nannies seemed like a bad option, because we lived in a really bad neighborhood by the hospital--no parks, etc.--and no other kids were around). Anyhow, we got to talking and we realized that we were a perfect fit: she loved kids and could use the $, and lived close to me and was willing to watch my son at her house! And I was so excited that my son would get tons of one-on-one attention plus be around her daughter. It was honestly one of the very best things that has ever happened to our family. She was such a blessing! She made an important impact on my son and made it possible for me to return to work to support our family. We miss her so much since we've moved for residency!

Anyhow, not that you're interested in watching another child, but boy--it sure worked out for us.

You get as many loans as you can to cover your needs, you get as much government aid as you can (and you will qualify). And you will have to take on living debt + school debt to get through school. That's the down and dirty. You won't be able to rely on your DH to get a job either, as you well know. Do as much odd jobs as you can, resell anything you are do using if possible, buy used clothes and such. You have to penny pinch everything - and realize the $$$ your accrewing will eventually get paid, and it's a painful number. Is your DH a 3rd or 4th year?

[GrayMatterWife]

My oldest son still looks for things on sale and is very cognizant of how much things cost. I think he will remember the really tight years.[/quote]

You don't realize how aware kids are of the money issue and how much they absorb your stress. My dad came to town a couple of weeks ago and tooks us out to Macaroni Grill for dinner (we almost never eat out, so it was a huge treat for my 2-yr old son). A couple of days after my dad left, we drove past the restaurant and my son said that he wanted to go there for dinner. Without really thinking about it, I said, "No, that's too expensive. We have food at home." Now, every time we drive past the restaurant, my son points and says (loudly), "No, Mom! Can't eat there! Too 'spensive." **sigh** What a bad mom.

Now, every time we drive past the restaurant, my son points and says (loudly), "No, Mom! Can't eat there! Too 'spensive." **sigh** What a bad mom.

I don't think this is bad at all, I do it all the time. I think kids need a concept of what is affordable and what is a treat. For instance if a kid grows up thinking name brand clothing is their right, they will never see it as the luxury it actually is. A nice dinner out should be seen as that IMO, it also reinforces a special occassion. :huh: I just see it as being honest w/your child and a good lesson

Not a bad mom. That is a great mom. I only wish my mother had set that example for me, or that I'd caught on to how important proper money management was earlier.

I worked during med school, our oldest wasn't born until close to the end of 2nd year of residency. Initially I went back to work, b/c we truly couldn't afford for me to be a SAHM. But, I got laid off and decided I wasn't going to look for work. DH and decided to bank on his future income, and made some very stupid choices. I don't regret staying home, but I wish I'd done it more frugally.

[GrayMatterWife]

Thanks. Ya'll''s comments make me feel a bit better. I felt like a terrible person when my son echoed back that phrase. I don't want him to feel my stress.

I am in a weird situation: I am a stress freak about money not because of our current situation, but because of what life will be like AFTER residency. Most folks figure (rightly) that they can go into debt now, because when their DH/SO gets done and goes into private practi$e, they can pay it off. They also tend to be in their late 20s. We're in our mid-30s (my DH did the MD/PhD route) and my DH is a PGY2 in a 7-yr residency. So, he's delayed a "real" salary since...graduation from college! Plus, he wants to go into academics with a 50-50 split (half his time reserved for research) ...so he won't make very much at all. I've always known this and support him 100%, but...sometimes I feel like it's all on me, you know, to make the "practical" (read: financial!) side of this work. Not only do I support the family financially now, but I'm going to have to for a long time to come. And you know how doctors are...generally pretty terrible with money. (He didn't know the difference between a term life insurance policy and a whole life one!)

On one hand, I am so grateful for my job: it's a really nice job with good hours, and working full-time allows us to contribute to our 401Ks, IRAs, etc. We are blessed not to be in a situation where we have to scrape and sweat to make ends meet every month during residency (we were definitely there, though). But, on the other hand, I'm never going to see a "Big Pay Day" when residency is over. If we want to retire at a decent age, if we want to help our son out with his education, if we want to have some security in our 40s and 50s--it's on me. Residency ending won't change things a heck of a lot, on the financial end. He'll make more, but not nearly enough to compensate for having been in med school/grad school/residency for 16 years! That's a lot of years of lost income.

I guess, in early generations, this is exactly how the "breadwinner" husbands felt. I just never expected to be in this position. I'm not looking for tears. I know it is a lot harder to be in the "just scraping by" part of your life. I just have these days sometimes, where I feel like such a...grown-up!...with all that...responsibility!...and it wakes me up at night. And it makes me want to punch in the face the idiot in the grocery store line who casually says, "Oh, honey. You're married to a doctor? You're ON EASY STREET!" (That actually happened to me.)