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**DCJenn** · 08-12-2002, 09:43 AM

Wow-

My husband has never been on any appointments with me, except for the time I had celluitis (and I think that was because he was bored and on leave!)

I think it would make me really nervous to have him there.

Jenn

08-12-2002, 10:36 AM

Well, I think I feel a real security in knowing that I have an 'insider' on my team.

When Alex was born, for example, the resident clamped his cord improperly and he bled out. I had also hemmorhaged and had a low hemoglobin. They were very insistant about giving us both blood transfusions. Thomas reviewed the charts and felt that this was more of a cya (cover your booty) measure and that there were some other alternatives to try first. He was able to communicate effectively and advocate for us both....if he hadn't had the knowledge that he does, things might have turned out differently....but as it was, we were both given iv fluids and both recovered quickly without receiving blood products which could have potentially caused problems down the road. A friend of ours developed hepc from a blood trasfusion during a gyn surgery years ago...so you never know.

Anyway...so I guess you take the good with the bad...it might be annoying at times, but I am grateful for the benefits...

kris

**mommax3** · 08-12-2002, 12:25 PM

I can certainly relate to this, as pretty much all of my medical concerns in the past few years have been within my husband's specialty! Anyone who treated me during residency was either a friend of my husband's or one of his supervisors, and now, since we are at a clinic where there are only three providers, (and one of them SUCKS!) I don't have much choice about who I see -- and my husband is still going to know everything that goes on.

I like having his take on things, I have to admit, but sometimes I would like to just be perceived as a normal, moderately intelligent patient, instead of as Travis' wife. When my epidural didn't work during my second delivery, my husband went into doctor mode while they were trying to get it re-placed, and I felt like he wasn't really there for me during that time -- but it would be hard to discard your training when someone you love is the patient. I'm sure it is a kind of torture for them, too.

One of the upper-level residents when my husband was an intern lost his first born child due to a shoulder distocia. He was in the room with his wife and knew everything that was happening, but could do nothing to fix it -- hard enough when you are the physician, but can you imagine how it was for him to KNOW everything as the husband and father?

Once we are out of the military, I have thought about going to a different practice than my husband's, but it will probably be a moot point since I think we are done having kids. Although, if I start peeing in my pants down the road or have issues during menopause, I think I would rather that my husband's partners didn't know!!!!!

I would love to hear my husband say, when I complain about something, "I don't know about that, honey, why don't you make a doctor's appt. and get it checked out?" with concern in his voice, instead of the instant diagnosis and brush off that I get most often. You know? He is a GREAT guy, but when I have complaints, I don't get the polished bedside manner that he gives to his patients -- yet I don't get the loving concern of a non-doctor husband, either.

Oh well!

Sally

08-12-2002, 02:50 PM

Oh man! Jon is the evil? opposite! He doesn't want to be my doctor or the kids' doc in any way, shape or form! I have to drag him along if he does go to any doc appts (he hates doctors' offices - period). He isn't one for wanting to diagnose me or the kids and he usually doesn't second-guess my docs unless I ask him to critique. No wonder he's not going to be a clinician!

Jennifer

**Meenah** · 08-12-2002, 06:59 PM

I like having my husband's opinion, but he is usually very quiet and doesn't say much.

Luanne

08-13-2002, 09:42 AM

I have mixed feelings about this too. We had our 4th child when he was in medical school and he was a nervous wreck because he knew everything that could go wrong and I was induced for the first time and the delivery was VERY different from the others. He made me nervous and I watched his face for any sign of real concern. It made me nervous too but ... on the other hand ... he delivered the baby, which was a very wonderful, bonding experience!!

I wish I would get sympathy from my husband too when I have something painful going on. My whole ankle and calf is swollen, black and blue from being kicked by my son playing soccer. My husband took one look and blew it off. Oh well... at least if he isn't worried, then I guess I don't worry too much either.

Robin

**Phoebe** · 08-14-2002, 02:22 PM

For me it is a double-edged sword. I like the comfort of having my husband to be able to answer questions if necessary, but I also like him to be there as a support for me. Like you Jennifer, my husband doesn't like to diagnose his family and especially for our daughter. We were recently out-of-town when my daughter got her first ear infection. My husband took her to the ER for confirmation since he didn't have his instruments and didn't want to perscribe antibiotics for her if not necessary. He did all this two hours before being the best man at his brother's wedding.

Jennifer

**Phoebe** · 08-14-2002, 02:23 PM

I forgot to add that I also wish my husband were more responsive to my pain/illness. When he is sick, the world stops.

Jennifer

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