Retreat

So my wife's program is on their retreat this weekend and it totally has me in a foul mood. Usually I am quite supportive with every thing that goes on with residency life, but this one is rubbing me the wrong way. Basically, they all get the weekend off, get to stay at a nice resort, pretty much do nothing but eat and play, and I get three more days by myself with the little one. It's compounded because this was the last week of her being on the night shift where we didn't see her from Sunday night through Friday, but I think I might feel the same way even if she was working days. She doesn't agree with me, but I said, if they are going to give you a weekend off they should at least let you spend it with your family, whom you don't get to see anyway. I wouldn't mind so much if they had a bunch of team-building stuff mixed in, but they don't. I know I am being a little selfish and petty, but I guess we earn that right sometimes, eh? She owes me a weekend off at a posh resort by myself. But I don't think I'll get it. Sorry for the rant, told you I was in a foul mood.

I don't find it selfish & petty or unreasonable that you feel the way you do. Fortunately my dh was never in a program that did stuff like that (or unfortunately b/c they were all backstabbing/climbers who would roll each other under the bus in a hearbeat). I would be pissed if I were you, too.

[poky]

No, I don't think you're being unreasonable and petty either. That would totally piss me off. Are they at least paying them? Is it actually mandatory? Is it at least just once a year? It can't possibly be more frequent than that, can it?

[Momo]

I don't find it selfish & petty or unreasonable that you feel the way you do. Fortunately my dh was never in a program that did stuff like that ...

Don't ever apologize on this site for ranting or being in a foul mood because of your DW's program...it's a mandatory requirement for iMSN membership...you must have missed the memo!
hang in there!

It is mandatory and, thankfully, it is once a year. Like I said, I could handle it a little better if they did some more work related stuff such as team-building, but their agenda is pretty sparse on substance.

[Sheherezade]

DH's program always did stuff like this. Now, as an attending, he "has to attend" these things to show support, etc. I always resented them as well. My biggest gripe was that it ate up a weekend off and then he'd end up on call the next weekend because he was so nice and relaxed from his little break. So much for the family break, huh? We were invited to a few, but he was usually required to spend the time with the other residents, so it wasn't worth the effort to travel with little ones in tow.

*sigh*

Hang in there. It does end eventually. Now, when I'm bitching and moaning about these extracurricular requirements, he sees if he can wiggle out of attending them. He usually can. It's good to be the attending.

My DH's residency program did resident retreats, too, so I know exactly how you feel. And that residency program touted itself as family-oriented - which they were for the most part, except for those darn yearly retreats. It IS a waste of a weekend off that could be spent with family.

What I'm sore about here in fellowship is the fabulous drug-rep stuff that spouses aren't invited to. DH's residency program frowned upon drug rep perks outside the hospital, but this place seems to be stewing in it.

[GrayMatterWife]

OK, I think it'd be fair to say that I am probably one of the more indulgent/tolerant-to-the-point-of-being-taken-advantage-of SOs on this site when it comes to the residency program. I let DH get away with all kinds of crap and I know it.

But I have to say, I would be pretty pissed. That's ridiculous and reflects a complete obliviousness. I would be STEAMED.

[Meenah]

I would be a little pissed off too. I hope you get some alone time soon. Don't ever apologize for venting or being cranky, it is required.

[PrincessFiona]

My DH's residency program did a retreat during internship year and I felt exactly the same way that you do. We were struggling so hard with his call schedule...and I had two small children....I was so ticked off! He finally had a free weekend and then he was spending it at a retreat?

The kicker was that on the last day, the spouses came for a little spouse thing....I was the only one with small kids that came for some reason (maybe the rest were smart enough to stay home) and they had this patronizing psychologist that was all "oooooh, it must be so hard to do this with kids". I was a real witch that day.


Kris

[DCJenn]

Yup-

It sucks.

But if it makes you feel any better, ours was mandatory that spouses/kids attend too. Added a whole 'nother layer of issues to be honest. I always had fun but I wasn't dragging a toddler to a resort that had pools that were too deep, on the ocean, with cacti everywhere. They basically had to keep leashes on the kids to keep them from drowning or rolling in cacti.

Jenn

Jeez, how could they possibly make it mandatory for unwilling families? That seems a little dictatorish. The residency program isn't paying you.

There is a lunch today with my DW's, but it is late and at the same time as DS's nap, plus it is a bit of a hike. The combination of a drive-wary, hunger-ridden, tired kid doesn't appeal to me. And I would have to deal with it the rest of the day while the residents go back and play. So I think I am going to pass.

[Momo]

That seems a little dictatorish

. That would be the military!

[DCJenn]

That seems a little dictatorish. The residency program isn't paying you

ah, but they were paying us/him. AND the deal was you went to the beach or you worked the entire weekend. and we all had to pay to go to the resort.

Apparently the classes after his went to a dude ranch...I'm sure the people with kids LOVED that...

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

Eight years of MDPhD retreats at a top notch beach-front resort while I stayed home watching DVDs burned my ass like a three foot flame. Rant away!

ME, TOO!!!!

My DH left for his STUPID MD-PhD retreat one year on the morning that I took the LSAT!! I was so stressed out and had no one to lean on (we were new to town). We had only one (barely functioning) car, and he had to leave really early in the morning, so he drove me to the testing site (a building on the local college campus) and dumped me off at 4:45 AM...in the dark, by myself!! The test wasn't even until 8:30. And then, I had to walk home almost two miles. GRRRRR. Then he didn't call until the next day. One of the darker moments in our marriage.

Looking back on it, he admits now that it was a bad call on his part. What would they have done...fired him? Hahaha. He says he should have stayed through the test and then met the group afterward.