which is worse?

I was sitting at the feet of two resident spouses (oh, great ones!) and hearing that med school is a breeze compared with residency, from a partner perspective.

So, I submit this question to you, the larger council of iMSN tribal elders:

Is being a resident spouse harder than being a medical student's spouse? If so, why? And for those of you whose husbands/wives have already "made it" - we just assume your lives are a piece of cake. Now is your chance to dispel the myth.

(I realize, this being a public forum, your responses may be not as frank as you would like . . . but you have to give me credit for trying to get up to my 50.)

[Rapunzel]

Re: which is worse?

Is being a resident spouse harder than being a medical student's spouse?

No.

They both have their difficulties. Different but both hard.

I would say that within the timeperiod of medical school there are varying degrees of difficulty - and the same goes for residency. But, I don't think I can say residency or medical school is harder on the spouse. It's all pretty difficult - unfortunately. :|

Is it easier once training is over. Weelllll, that also depends. I'd say in many cases the answer to that one is a decisivie "yes". HOWEVER, there are so many variables there that it's hard to really answer as well.

How's that for helpful?

Fifteen months into residency and I think it is no contest -- medical school was a piece of cake. Seriously. The first couple of years of medical school can be hard because of the constant studying. But overall, the schedules are much more flexible and varying. Put it this way, I never went five straight days without seeing my DW in medical school. She had days off in medical school, usually every weekend. She has had at least two stretches of 21-straight days of work during her residency. I can count on one hand (outside of vacations) the number of "golden" weekends she's had. Eighty hours a week is no joke. It's a lot. You will be on your own. I think there are people in my neighborhood who think I am a single parent. We went into residency believing thinking, "Hey, we survived med school, and it wasn't too bad. We will be OK in residency too." And residency knocked us silly. We've adjusted to the lifestyle and are doing well, as I think most here have. But I think you get the point.

[DCJenn]

I think that for MOST people here, residency was significantly harder than medical school. For us, it got progressively harder (except for the third/last year of residency which was cake, comparitively). As it turns out, fellowship is where they truly suck out your soul. at least it was for us.

Medical school was difficult and for us it was because he was gone for most of fourth year and we saw each other once a month.

We had a poll up once, maybe in the private areas- and I think most people found intern year (PGY-1) the most difficult but there's a vocal minority who found PGY-2 more difficult.

Jenn

It probably depends on which specialty your DH goes into. Ortho. Surgery residency compared to Med. School: residency is so much harder! The hours are worse. I will say that M1 was pretty difficult b/c he was studying constantly. We didn't get married until 4th year of med. school so it's not a completely fair comparison. We were just dating through most of med. school. The upside of residency is that they get paid as opposed to paying.

[Phoebe]

I didn't know DH while he was in medical school. PGY 1 was the worst and gradually got better. First year of fellowship was also the worst. Being an attending is better in some ways, but there are times (like right now) that it feels like residency or fellowship. Our kids schedules and life events combined with a hectic work schedule makes it harder at times. It just isn't because of his job.

ETA: I wouldn't say it is a piece of cake, though

[Rapunzel]

Well, MS1 and MS2 honestly almost destroyed us (marriage-wise). MS3 was much more difficult hours-wise than his rads residency. MS4 was a breeze.

PGY1 (transitional year for rads) was AWFUL - comparable to MS3 in hours.

After that it got gradually easier and easier. PGY4 was difficult for us simply because dh was a chief resident. That added hours on - but it was NOT as difficult as the hardest years mentioned above.

That being said, dh's residency program was not malignant in any way. His medical school was known at the time for being a bit....hyper in their desire to be seen as "top". (ie insecure administration) I think that made as much of a difference as his specialty choice.

[mommax3]

Residency was much, much worse than med school. The schedule was WAY worse. Actually, med school was also easier than life now, schedule-wise. We do have more money now, though.

Sally

[Auspicious]

It probably depends on which specialty your DH goes into.

I agree. For me being a resident spouse has not been harder than being a med student spouse, and I attribute that mostly to his specialty choice (pathology being over near the humane end of the spectrum of medical residencies). I think my answer would be the exception rather than the rule, definitely.

Other pluses of residency have been (1) now he gets a paycheck, (2) he likes learning the specialty of his choice more than he liked the more general study that they do in med school.

I have to also say, though, that it's difficult to lump medical school altogether and say how hard it was or wasn't, because it varied a lot from year to year and from rotation to rotation.

From what I've read on this forum and now that DH is into M4, residency is the harder. I study more for my grad school courses than he does, so I expect residency will be worse. With that in mind and with no plans to start a family yet, I accepted a job for next year where I'll be working 55-65 hrs a week during my busiest times. I know when I'm busy, I have no time to analyze the absence of DH and how that impacts our marriage.

[Vanquisher]

:guilty:

Oh and medical school can definitely have hard parts, no two ways about it, and I definitely do think it makes a difference what residency your spouse chooses, but if they choose certain specialties, it will be harder.

How is that for a run-on?

Keep in mind that the resident spouses feet at which you sat included a general surgery spouse with no children during medical school and an ortho spouse in a somewhat malignant program. Everyone's experiences are different and have different circumstances, BUT in general, residency is harder.

My DH is only in his intern year, but so far, I think residency is much harder. At least when he was studying constantly, I could go in and give him a hug or eat with him. Now that he is gone all the time, it gets alot lonelier and harder to handle everything on my own. And I got spoiled with all those school vacations! He misses our little girl so much and goes days without seeing her when our schedules are off. This year has really made us appreciate our family time together more.

[peggyfromwastate]

I plan on residency being way harder. For us Med School was ok, b/c DH had a lot of control over his schedule. He was able to be home for dinner almost every night of the week! And he did have weekends "off", but he would usually study all day on Saturdays.

So far residency is way harder, but I really had very few complaints about his med school schedule except that it was annoying when he got stressed around exams, and in the 3rd and 4th years he had a lot of away rotations. But now it feels like my life is one big away rotation- with more laundry!

[Flynn]

I can only comment on my experience.

I spoke to and saw DH MORE being long distance (not within driving distance) from his MS3 and MS4 years, than I did being married and in the same house with DH for his R1 and R2 years.

For us, medical school was MUCH easier than residency.
No contest.

This year PGY2, in the whole 2 months of it, has been the worst yet. Even surg intern year wasn't as bad. I guess because I expected intern year to be bad, I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't awful. It was hard, but manageable. This year threw me for a loop. I am slowing getting adjusted, but it is hard on me and the kids. In fact, I miss med school!