making excuses...again

[Ladybug122]

So, my favorite and closest uncle passed away unexpectedly last week, and we've had a lot of family get-togethers since then, with the funeral wrapping things up yesterday. Well, surprise, surprise, the DH was unable to make it to the wake OR funeral (he was on in-house call for both events). Yes, I understood that he had little control over this (going to "my wife's uncles" wake and funeral probably does not meet the "immediate family" criteria of the bereavement allowance for residents), but I was a little peeved (not really at him, just the situation). My family is large, but close, and everybody was asking about him. I had family flying in from all over the country (and relatives from europe!) to go to this stuff, so "my husband's working" excuse sounded so lame when people asked where he was. I just hope they don't think he's a jerk for not coming.

Not to mention that my uncle has been VERY good to DH and I, and has gone out of his way many times to show us support...

Sometimes I hate his job. He's supposed to be in the industry of caring...Ha! Just had to vent.

Re: making excuses...again

all i've got is sympathy and commiseration. yep - it sucks. :therethere:

[DCJenn]

Re: making excuses...again

Yup.

If it makes you feel any better my husband missed his step-father's funeral.

Jenn

[Michele]

Re: making excuses...again

That sucks! I'm sorry about your uncle.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: making excuses...again

I'm sorry about your uncle and that you had to go alone to everything. DH wasn't able to go to my uncle's funeral when he passed last year but I think a lot of my family was surprised that I was even there because of the distance. Luckily we haven't had to deal with again but I'm sure it will come up at least once in the next four years since we're lucky enough to have seven of our grandparents still around.

Hang in there, people in the non-medical field don't understand and truly never will.

[Bittersweet]

Re: making excuses...again

I'm so sorry - both for the loss of your uncle and the suckfest that is residency.

[houseelf]

Re: making excuses...again

First, I'm sorry for thiis suck fest.

It sounds like you are going to speak the same language that is spoken here.

Kelly

[MDPhDWife]

Re: making excuses...again

I'm sorry for your loss.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: making excuses...again

That really really stinks. Hopefully your family will understand, too. It's hard to feel like you have to make excuses, especially if the people who are asking you questions don't really get it...

[Meenah]

Re: making excuses...again

I'm so sorry. I know how it feels to keep saying "he is on call". It sucks.

Re: making excuses...again

...and people always assume that "on call" means he's at home fielding calls from the hospital. On call for DH means he goes in between 5-6 am and comes home the next day around dinnertime. The words "on call" are deceiving, that shift should be called something more vigorous...like marathon 36, or sleepless 36. That way, when we have to go to event x alone again, we can say, "DH would be here, but he's working a sleepless 36 again."

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: making excuses...again

I never thought of that, but probaby they don't have any idea what "on call" or "taking call" means. I usually do get strange looks at that one... Like they think he should just carry his cell phone and still go with me wherever...

[Meenah]

Re: making excuses...again

Heidi wrote:

"DH would be here, but he's working a sleepless 36 again."

My new answer to anyone who asks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[planet]

Re: making excuses...again

I'm sorry for your loss and for your giving up another to the medical education world.

I don't think most people have a clue as to what on call means or even what working for 30 hours is actually like (especially when it is frequent). I say dh is working a 24 hr shift at work rather than call since it just seems meaningless to people outside of the system.

[Cumberland]

Re: making excuses...again

...and people always assume that "on call" means he's at home fielding calls from the hospital. On call for DH means he goes in between 5-6 am and comes home the next day around dinnertime. The words "on call" are deceiving, that shift should be called something more vigorous...like marathon 36."

I have to explain this over and over and over. To everyone, even my own dad who I talk to twice a week.