Moving vs Staying close to home

My husband and I trying to decide what we want to do about residency. I always thought that I would want to stay at home, close to family and friends especially when we have kids, but my other thought is, the only time in our life that we will be able to move somewhere else and have a little adventure of our own. Now is this idealistic and stupid or a good time to go out of our comfort zone. It would only be for three years and we would do the transitional year here.
Any thoughts would be great! Thanks!

[DCJenn]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

Well, of course my first thought is that rarely do the forces allow you to actually do residency where you want to go or where you think you should.

But...I know for us, having three years away from everyone we knew was the best thing we could have done. It forced us to spread our wings and get to know each other differently. Plus, since it was residency, I had to learn to get out there and do things which is a whole new ball game when it's not your home town.

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

DH and I went FAR away for medical school and then came closer (but not really home) for residency. We wouldn't want to be 3 hours or less from our parents, at least not my in-laws.

Now that we are going to have a little one I'm glad that we are "closer" but at the same time we LOVED the time we had in CA. We lived on our schedule because if anyone was going to come visit we had lots of notice, we could make all of our own plans most of the time and not answer to anyone else. Would we go back? No, not right now and probably not in 10-15 years but we did enjoy the freedom of being so far away.

If we had children at that time I'm not sure my answer would be the same though.

[planet]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

Ultimately the match will decide. But I know having two kids and no family support has been rough for us. I think it really depends on your own circumstances. If you guys are solvent and going into a specialty that is less brutal this could be an exciting time to go someplace new. I have heard that many settle down where they do residency. By no means is this the only time you can up and move. In many ways, with the benefit of paid relocation even, fellowship and/or that first job is a great time for it too. But having an adventurous spirit and good attitude about moving is fantastic regardless of where you end up.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

Just curious, why would you do only your transitional year there and not all 4 years? Personally I think if I had the choice I would want to do all the years at the same place. I think it could end up being difficult having to go through the first year, learning that particular hospital system and the many people from the different departments in that hospital and then move and have to do it all over again in another hospital. Especially if when you arrive at the new hospital and the rest of the PGY-2 (CA-1) were together the prior year. Already, DH has really gotten to know his fellow interns (even though they don't really work together this year) as well as some of the other residents in his specialty. Does anesthesia do a medicine or surgical first year?

I feel that you can't really make plans for the match. The match lands you where it wants to. We have had a kid (turned kids in MS) since undergrad so our situation is different than yours. We moved away from family for medical school and residency only landed us 4 hours closer (but still a 25 hour car ride away). I miss home and long to go back, but I am also the type to make the best of every situation. I have made some great friends along this journey. Residency can be tough even without kids. There are childless people here who can vouch for the difficulties of adjusting to a new city and being away from family and friends. Like others have said, it comes down to who you are. If you're up for that adventure then go for it. Some people just have a knack for acclimating well while others have a harder time at it. We had 3 friends who did their Anesthesia residency while we were in medical school and all 4 years were rough on them and their families (two had kids, the other did not). All of them had moved away from home. Again depends on the person and the program.

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

Many of the programs don't have a transitional year, and anesthesia residents can choose between medicine and surgery. We want to end up at home and so moving would be for a few years and just to have an adventure and change what we're used to. My husband would love to be in the mountains and after we interview I think we will have to do a lot of thinking... it's so nice to hear other's experiences and opinions, keep them coming!

[Flynn]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

Well, of course my first thought is that rarely do the forces allow you to actually do residency where you want to go or where you think you should.

Jenn

ITA!!!

Make your match list with your priorities in mind -- then that's all you can do. We know TOP TOP guys who matched at their 5th choice and average candidates matching at their top choice. The match is SOOOO crazy that way.

For me, kids + residency made residency at least 10 times more difficult. Having family close saved me on MORE than one occasion.

Good luck!!!

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

I hate to be a downer, but the sooner your realize you really have NO control over it, the better off you'll be. Even if his school tells him they'll rank him #1 if he ranks them #1 (totally against the rules, BTW), you have NO WAY of knowing where you'll end up until you open that envelope. Search through old match-related posts here. Every year we have so many people planning, planning, planning - brushing off the "it's out of your hands" advice with a "oh - but MY dh is VERY well qualified", and then the day after match they're posting here shell-shocked that they ended up so far down their list.

You can not even apply in certain cities or regions -- but you take a risk in doing that. In the end it's all up to a heartless algorithm and no matter how well-qualified your husband is, he still may not match, or match WAY down his list. The best example I can give is of a classmate of my DH. This guy was a CRAZY gunner. Didn't even own a t.v. for the first 2 years of med school so he could focus. He was AOA, fantastic scores, extremely personable, well spoken, Stanford undergrad, CWRU medical school --- didn't match in General Surgery. If HE didn't match it can happen to anyone.

If you go into it with a "moving might be fun, staying here might be fun" kind of attitude, you'll be set.

And now I'll go back into my hole. Sorry to be so negative - I just hate to see people try to control what they cannot.

[Flynn]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

Jane said was I was thinking but was too lazy/chicken to write.

The match is evil. and in some cases...

Our personal experience was excellent but we were surrounded by so many people who were hysterically sobbing (I AM NOT KIDDING) when they opened up their letters....um we just kept our news to ourselves.

A few people we know went right into therapy. They matched SO LOW their whole identity was thrown off.....

Oh, and don't list anywhere you simply CANNOT live. I know two people who did, said their lists would never get that low, and of course that's where they matched. They were AOA, Mr. and Ms. Med school over achievers....it was sad actually. It's cruel to work so hard, skip lots of social events, study your ASS off all the time, and match at your 8th place. :huh: The match is only slightly less evil than residency. But I don't have a strong opinion or anything.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

We had a friend who this happened to as well. He was super applicant, matching in Ortho and was SHELL SHOCKED when he matched at his 5th. Looking back at it now it couldn't have worked out better for him but at the time he was devestated. And this was from a school who brags that ninety some percent of their students match at their top 3.

Not to say you shouldn't rank the programs to your "ideal" situation, just don't be surprised if it doesn't happen. We took the advice of not ranking one program b/c I know if we hadn't we would have ended up there and DH and I would have both died!

[DCJenn]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

The match is evil.

I don't know if our search feature is fixed yet but if it is, trust me, we have match nightmares going back 7 years.

My mantra through all of training was "I only have the illusion of control". (and if you're military/medicine, you don't even have that!)

My only other piece of advice, which is soundly ignored by everyone actually going through the match, is to relax and let it all play out. It's kind of like any other major life event, once you have made the decision, you need to just kick back and let it ride out.

Expect the best, prepare for the worst. That's medicine for you.

Jenn

[Flynn]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

Expect the best, prepare for the worst. That's medicine for you.

Jenn

This piece of advice is a gem.

Medicine will bite you in the butt when you LEAST expect it. Have some hope, but always have a plan B and C ....and more.

[Ladybug122]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

DH and I moved away from home for med school (we were 6 hours away from my family, 4 hours away from his). Aside from the fact that I was not a big fan of the area itself (i.e. weather), it worked for us. I ended up going back to school, met a lot of great people (that we miss a lot!!), and experienced a lot of new things. Another good thing about moving away for school, residency, fellowhip is that it is usually a temporary situation. So, even if you are unhappy, chances are, you can probably move again for the next phase.

Actually, we were lucky and ended up matching at our first choice, but we were holding our breath like everyone else. During the match maddness, I was hell bent on moving to RI, and I was thrilled when he matched here, but since then I've come to the conclusion that we can live most anywhere as long as you have the right attitude. DH is applying for a cardiology fellowship now, which is a competitive fellowship, so who knows where we'll end up (another match... ).

One piece of advice I would give though :soapbox: , that if you don't end up matching somewhere you're excited about, keep an open mind. Try to make friends, have fun, make the most of it. I know several spouses who were hell bent on being miserable during med school b/c they didn't like the location, or they were far from home, etc., and it was miserable to be around them. Always complaining, negative, etc. Also, it makes the spouse in med school (or residency, etc.) feel like a jerk for "dragging" the person they care about to a place that makes them unhappy. That's not fair, either.

Sorry to go off like that...

[Flynn]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

I don't have kids but will hopefully start that up next yearish so I will likely feel differently then.

You know, those first couple of years as a new family, when you're defining what and who you are as a family, it can be healthy to experience that away from the immediate and constant influence of extended families. Naturally, families lean hard on you as new parents with their ideals. Depending on the family, it can be exhausting. A little space in the beginning can be good thing even if it's hard in other ways.

:huh:

ETA: Geez, how many times did I say family. I sound like I'm stuttering.

I agree with this -- especially the part when Annie says "it depends." My mom was SOOOOOOO aware of stepping on my toes I eventually had to say "I'D LIKE YOUR INPUT HERE MOM!!!!"
She wanted our relationship to stay rock solid AND she didn't want anything she said to undermine my confidance as a new mom.

Most of my friends had the opposite experience. They were struggling to explain boundaries to their parents -- especially their mom's.

So, to quote Annie again, it depends.

[Flynn]

Re: Moving vs Staying close to home

Oh, when I say "family" I mean MINE.

I could Never in a bazillion years live within driving distance of my MIL.