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What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

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  • #1

    What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

    My best friend just found out that her mom has breast cancer. They don't know any details yet except that they found a 3.5cm lump in her breast that was malignant. Her mom is getting more tests tomorrow to determine how advanced the cancer is.

    This is the first time that breast cancer has affected someone I know. I'd like to be there for my friend and her family, but I don't even know where to start. Is there a support group for this?
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  • #2
    Re: What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

    I wish I had some answers. We just found out that DH best friend's who just got married 2 months ago, wife was just diagnosed. She is only 36. She is set for a Mastectomy and aggressive radiation this month. Talk about a shocker. I really don't know how to respond.

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    • #3
      Re: What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

      I think it's natural to try to figure out what the person would want. I personally go w/ the "jeez, that completely sucks" and follow with the "OK, so- what can I do."

      It's when they get into the thick of things and people that they thought were friends start to disappear that they will need love and support.

      I think this is one of those times when honesty is key. (for both parties- the person needs to learn to ask for help if they need it and to not be the family comforter when going through treatment, and the friend/family need to be comfortable w/ saying - I have no idea what to say or do-.)

      Jenn

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      • #4
        Re: What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

        Hello. Unfortunately, I have more experience with this topic than I'd like. My mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer when I was in college. To make a long story short, my mom fought the good fight but passed away 20 months after her diagnosis.

        The only advice I can give you is to tell your friend (and her family) that you are there to help and support her and her family in any way you can. Call or visit your friend often, and let her vent as much as possible. Don't feel that you need to have the "perfect" thing to say, because there isn't a "perfect" way of supporting someone (although I would avoid sayings like "things happen for a reason" or "God works in mysterious ways" etc.---that drove me nuts!!) Just be there when she needs you.

        If you really want to "do something," offer to babysit (if applicable) or make dinner, etc. for your friend so she can accompany her mom to Dr.'s appts.

        I'll bet just knowing that you are around to listen to her or give her a hug gives her great comfort.
        Wife to a PGY-7 Interventional Cardiology Fellow, Mom to two. DS(7) and DD(3).

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        • #5
          Re: What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

          I'm so sorry about your mom ladybug.

          There are a scary high number of breast cancer cases around here. In a way it makes it an easier thing to talk about since so many women have had it, know someone who has or are wary.

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          • #6
            Re: What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

            I had a friend diagnosed last month too and I'm not close enough to actually help her or see her on a regular basis but just a phone call or e-mail now and then to let her know that I'm thinking of her she says has helped her. I think just letting them know you're available to either help with errands or food or a shoulder to cry on.

            Hang in there!
            Wife to NSG out of training, mom to 2, 10 & 8, and a beagle with wings.

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            • #7
              Re: What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

              What the others said. Let them know you are there.
              The worst thing you can do is withdraw because you dont know what to say, or think they want to be alone. Who knows, maybe they do want to deal with this alone but the worst thing is when people feel that they HAVE to go through these things alone.

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              • #8
                Re: What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

                Thanks for all the support and the suggestions, I really appreciate it. I called my friend today, and left a message for her. Her mom was supposed to get some results this afternoon. I hope the prognosis is good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

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                • #9
                  Re: What do you do when breast cancer hits too close to home?

                  It does suck. My sister had breast cancer (survivor for 10 years now). My best friend had Hodgkins. Actually we became best friends because of it. I met her when I was assisting with the lymph node biopsy and we clicked. My advice is just be there. People tend to run the other way and you find out who your friends are.
                  Luanne
                  wife, mother, nurse practitioner

                  "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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