Dinner With Drug Reps...

The service that DH is currently rotating through just bought something like $100K worth of products from a particular company, so their sales rep is taking the docs and DH out for dinner tonight to a really nice, really pricey restaurant. He's looking forward to it.

I don't mind DH taking advantages of the perks the sales reps offer him while he's working, such as free meals and gifts. (Although I have to admit that I think way too much of what the reps do smacks of bribery, but I guess that's a different story.) However, I have to admit that I am disappointed that he's going to be wining and dining on his off-hours at a restaurant that's so expensive that he and I would never think to go there, while I'll be at home alone eating leftovers or something.

Am I wrong to be disappointed/a teensy bit annoyed that DH is going out tonight without me? Should I mention how I feel to him, or is this something that's better left unsaid?

[DCJenn]

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

It's OK to be disappointed but it's not going to end when he graduates.

Mine has a drug rep sponsored lunch EVERY Wednesday.

It's just one of the annoyances of medicine.

Jenn

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

Sounds like he is social networking... which isn't a bad thing to do. The crazy thing about the free pharm stuff - is they are going to do it anyway so... why not? Well I think at least that is what most think. DH and I hate the pharm stuff, but when you are poor and there is free food given at a meeting you might as well take it. DH's journal club once got taken out to Ruth's Chris - and I was really annoyed about the $$$ spent. Like they need kind of food, to talk over journals readings. But... like DH is not going to eat free steak, when everyone else it... at dinner time. It's not like you can bring in a sack lunch I know you feel left out, and if you feel like he is really cutting into your time as a couple, then say something. If you are annoyed about the freebies - get use to it. It's honestly something he is going to have to find his own comfort level in taking or not, but I personally wouldn't pressure the issue.

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

Yeah, fair enough.

Just to clairfy, though, I'm not upset that DH is getting freebies. He frequently has lunch out with reps and such, and that's fine. I'm just bummed that after working all day, I'm going to go home to an empty house and have dinner alone while DH has dinner and drinks at a place that we'd normally not even see the inside of.

I guess for me, freebies during working hours=cool; events after hours=a bummer.

[Flynn]

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

It's just one of the annoyances of medicine.

Jenn

Ditto.
It's the way this profession works.
At times it feels like spouses are there to complete the CV -- but not actually play an important role.

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

I don't think you're wrong to feel disappointed -- I would, too!

Am I wrong to take advantage of the department-sponsored dinners they have for the residents to greet med students coming in to interview? The invite specifically said "S.O.'s welcome"!

It's hard to turn down a free meal.

BTW, there was an interesting article in the New York Times a few days ago by a psychiatrist who worked as a speaker at these pharm lunches that drug reps put on: Dr. Drug Rep.

[migirl]

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

Maybe it's b/c DH doesn't go to drug rep stuff that often (they've sort of been banned from the department :huh: ), but I don't really care when he does go. Hey ... one of might as well eat good food, and he usually orders an extra dessert and brings it home to share with me.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

DH doesn't do drug rep dinners anymore due to new policies but he does do nice dinners out with visiting professors. He always brings me a dessert from the yummy restaurant so I don't hold it against him. But yes, it can by annoying but its part of the job. :huh:

[samssugarmomma]

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

I'd be disappointed too!

[locumtenenswife]

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

I've been in similar situations with DH, where I couldn't attend a fancy after-work drug rep dinner and all his friends were going and I was stuck at home alone having dinner by myself. I let DH know that I felt a little left out and at the same time I suggested an alternative of going to the same fancy restaurant another time, just the two of us (even if it was just for appetizers and cocktails) so we could enjoy the experience together. It helped me feel better about being left alone and I didn't feel like I was missing out completely because I had our lavish night out together to look forward to.

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

Back in the day (for us old-timers) spouses used to be invited as well! Of course we had to listen to a super-boring talk, but we got steak at the Ritz!

Then something about ethics was mentioned, and apparently the way everyone decided this was kosher was to disallow spouses, unless they're also in the medical field.

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

Back in the day (for us old-timers) spouses used to be invited as well! Of course we had to listen to a super-boring talk, but we got steak at the Ritz!

Then something about ethics was mentioned, and apparently the way everyone decided this was kosher was to disallow spouses, unless they're also in the medical field.

Hmph, well that's just downright unfriendly! Don't they understand who's really running things?

[easternghost]

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

I like to look at it as DH getting a chance to check out the restaurant in advance (for free!) and see if we want to spend our money there in the future. We don't go to expensive restaurants very often, so when we do, we want to know it's going to be good!

[Vishenka69]

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

Yeah, fair enough.

Just to clairfy, though, I'm not upset that DH is getting freebies. He frequently has lunch out with reps and such, and that's fine. I'm just bummed that after working all day, I'm going to go home to an empty house and have dinner alone while DH has dinner and drinks at a place that we'd normally not even see the inside of.

I guess for me, freebies during working hours=cool; events after hours=a bummer.

Ask him to order lots of your favorites and bring them to you later. When my DH used to have these dinners (back in intern year), he'd always come back home with a half steak or a lobster or some other goodies.

Re: Dinner With Drug Reps...

I like to look at it as DH getting a chance to check out the restaurant in advance (for free!) and see if we want to spend our money there in the future.

I like that thinking.

As for keeping home time / free time distinct from work, that will won't be a concern once your DH hits intern year. Seriously.