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Guilt Trips from the Family!

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  • Guilt Trips from the Family!

    Yesterday was military Match Day, and DH got his first choice! I'm really happy for him, plus this looks like it will be a great opportunity for us. Factoring in all the military benefits, he'll be making around $60K, and we'll be living in a very low COL area (San Antonio, TX). We hope to buy a house and maybe even start a family years earlier than we could've on a civilian resident's pay! The only downside is that our families are both in Pennsylvania, so we'll be pretty far away. I know I'll get homesick sometimes.

    Just like I knew she would, my mom got really upset when I gave her the news. I stayed upbeat about everything and told her about what a great opportunity this is for DH and me, but all she could say was that all the money in the world isn't worth moving away from family (we currently live only 2 hrs away), lots of things could change in four years (translation: my relatives might be dead by the time we move back), and she doesn't have the time or the money to travel all the way out to Texas to visit us (technically not true). Then she got really quiet and started crying, so I asked her is she wanted to talk anymore and then got off the phone. Although I doubt they'll be quite as dramatic, I expect similar reactions from at least two other relatives.

    UGH! Now I almost feel guilty for being excited about the move! :banghead:

  • #2
    Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

    Congrats to your DH for getting his first choice.

    The guilt trips won't end here, parents are the master manipulators especially when it comes to things that neither we nor they have control over, IMO. My MIL guilt trips us every time we miss a major family function or holiday and has since medical school since we were so far away. You and your DH have to do what is best for YOUR family. Maybe she won't come visit but you guys can visit them.

    Congrats again!
    Wife to NSG out of training, mom to 2, 10 & 8, and a beagle with wings.

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    • #3
      Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

      #1: CONGRATULATIONS on getting your first choice! The match is a bear, the military is fickle, and getting your first choice when combining the two is amazing!

      #2: Guilt has no place here. This is how medicine works. You go where they tell you to go or you don't get to be a resident. That goes double or triple when you factor the military into it. I think they could shoot you for not doing what they say (maybe a little dramatic, but I know they can lock you up). Mom & everyone else can be disappointed and sad, but please do not accept guilt trips. Where you're moving was not your choice (I don't care if you ranked it 1st).

      #3: We've got a built-in iMSN goddess down there, and a couple others who have lived there and know it well. You should have a wealth of information to go on. All I know is go to Tito's for breakfast. YUM!

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      • #4
        Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

        1st - re: SA,TX - Congratulations!!! :rah: Not only does it have low COL BUT DCJenn (should call her SAJenn or TXJenn) lives there too!!

        Re: your family's reaction :therethere:, I can only say to give them some time. I am sure the feelings about you moving away are still true but the way your mom reacted sounds more like a knee-jerk reaction. I am hoping that once the stings of having you so far away lessens, she (and they) may see what a great opportunity this is for you, your DH and future family.

        Anyway - I am excited for you and I don't feel a bit of guilt about it! :>
        Again - congratulations to you and your DH - oh and to DC Jenn.
        Finally - we are finished with training! Hello real world!!

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        • #5
          Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

          I'm sorry about the guilt trip. That's really hard. I hope it doesn't put too much of a damper on your hard-earned joy. Congrats on nailing such a great opportunity for y'all!!

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          • #6
            Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

            Great news about your first pick! Yipee!

            Hopefully your Mom will be less dramatic and accept the situation as time goes on (well, she has to since she has no choice in the matter). Just remain positive about the whole situation, and hopefully your additude will be infectious.
            Wife to a PGY-7 Interventional Cardiology Fellow, Mom to two. DS(7) and DD(3).

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            • #7
              Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

              Yay-

              Welcome to San Antonio. When you're ready, let me know and I'll send you links for EVERYTHING.

              (and yes, you can buy a house. not a problemo)

              and guilt? Wait until you're sent overseas or something. Then maybe they can bitch. But in the meantime, Southwest flies from Philly and Pittsburgh, as do American, Continental and United. What...ever. Tell them to sign up for Southwest's DING program and get the daily specials. My parents have made it here from BWI for 200 bucks round-trip.

              Besides, remind them that when it's butt-ugly cold, they'll be REAL happy to have someplace warm to go in February.

              and there's always this: http://www.fiesta-sa.org

              you know it's a fun town when the banks close for a parade.

              Jenn

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              • #8
                Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

                Congrats on getting your first choice and moving next to Jenn. Your family will get used to the facts and learn to live with it. My mom cried when we moved 1.5 hours away. But now I actually have more time to see her than when we worked blocks away from each other. She got over it. Do what is best for your family and they'll quickly learn to follow.

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                • #9
                  Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

                  CONGRATS!!! That is WONDERFUL!!! I have family in the San Antonio area - it's a fun town, and with yummy food! You should have no problem finding a good home! WIth family, sometimes you just have to put on earplugs and sing your happy tune a little louder

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                  • #10
                    Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

                    Congratulations!!! And try not to let your family guilt you. Shame on them, they should be happy and supportive or at the least keep their mouths closed. And as far as not seeing family. Sometimes that's just the way it goes sometimes. I haven't been home in over 17 months and my parents haven't seen my kids for that long either. Life happens and it's just the way it is sometimes. Life will go on whether you sweat the "small" stuff or not you might as well keep trekking and enjoy what you can. Wonderful getting your first choice. Don't let them ruin your happiness. You just freakin' survived the match, they need to back up.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

                      Congratulations!!!
                      married to an anesthesia attending

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                      • #12
                        Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

                        Congrats! I'm sorry your family is having a rough time with the impending move. You and your DH need to live your lives for the two of you and not for anyone else.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

                          Congrats!!! enjoy the great news and ignore the guilt trips.
                          Danielle
                          Wife of a sexy Radiologist and mom to TWO adorable little boys!

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                          • #14
                            Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

                            Congrats on getting your first choice! That is really awaesome!

                            Keep working on your family and accentuating the positive, They'll come around, but they'll probably continue to give you guilt trips!

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                            • #15
                              Re: Guilt Trips from the Family!

                              My parents did some guilt tripping to my husband, but nothing like that... That's too bad that she's reacting that way, but awesome that you got your first pick and that you're going to SA. I wanted to go there, but... not this time. Maybe next.

                              We are military too- so I'm a little surprised that your mom sounds so surprised you're going away? Do they even offer Path training anywhere near to PA? And anyway, in the AF you might very well be stationed overseas-- this is baby steps!

                              A little distance from family and relatives (and by a little I mean at least 2000 mi) is well worth it, IMO...
                              Peggy

                              Aloha from paradise! And the other side of training!

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