Simplifying Our Lives...

[PrincessFiona]

This is a subject that I have been thinking about in a real global sense...My mom recently sent me a copy of WebMD article that looked at the levels of stress among 'normal' (ie not referred for psychological services, etc) 5 year olds...and the researchers discovered that our 5 year olds have the same levels of stress today as adults in the 50's who were seeking help from psychologists for stress-related mental illness.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the lifestlye that we've adopted over the years....

When I was pregnant with Andrew, and living in Germany, things really did seem much simpler...even being at home with him was much more enjoyable than I've found it to be here. More women stay home for the first three years in europe because of the benefits that they receive...and my days were really filled doing very relaxing things: we bought our food for dinner daily there...it is just the way that they do things there...no big freezers, etc...and so I'd walk with the baby in the buggy to market, buy him a baked pretzel and walk around for a few hours picking out our meal and chatting with people in town...go home and clean up and start dinner...it felt so relaxed...It just wasn't 'normal' to eat out, and Thomas and I both did the cooking together.

It seems that as a family and perhaps (am I taking a leap?) as a society, we've sort of reached this point of having so many options and opportunities and DISTRACTIONS...I feel like our lives have just become a tangle of scheduling...and we've really cut back from last year! I'm shocked, really, that elementary schools start at 7.45 am!, that many of the children that we know are involved in daily afterschool activities, that there is kindermusic, ecfe...baby gymnastics...etc...to start us overscheduling ourselves and our brood so early. (Don't get me wrong...we did kindergymnastics last year..I'm so in the middle of this myself!). As a family, we tend to eat out more often that I'm willing to admit, and seem to be always on the move....I remember being able to enjoy having dinner, cleaning up and having the evening to relax and read and play games. Now we are tied up in children's activities, homework, trips to Wal-Mart and the grocery store, Barnes and Nobles...The more options that we have, the more....restless we seem to feel....instead of relaxing we are trying to decide which thing we want to "do". Instead of picking up a book, it's become more entertaining to surf the web.....

I don't know where I'm going with this other than to ask you all if you feel the same way at all? Coming to this realization for me, at least is the first step...I don't know how we as a family will tackle this problem, because it seems to me that society is just set up this way now....

Anyone else?

Kris

[mommax3]

Kris,

I totally agree! I have noticed this, too. It is easier for me to be a homebody now that we have moved from San Antonio (because there isn't anything here to do!) but for whatever reason (maybe because there is nothing much to do) sports are SO INTENSE here that I can't stand it. Luke is getting ready to play basketball for the first time, starting next week, through the Y. The team is made up of kids from his new school and one of the dads is the coach. We were "lucky", in the words of the coach, that there was room on this team, which was my first red flag -- please, we are talking about seven year olds! Then, when the coach stopped by to pick up the forms and money to get Luke signed up, he made a point of telling me "We play to win, and we hate to lose -- don't get me wrong, we have a good time, but we hate to lose." I just rolled my eyes. The funniest thing is that they almost kind of recruited Luke because he is really tall -- little do they know that he may not have a clue of what to do. I am just so sick of this mentality. It has been so nice this fall not to be doing soccer -- starting basketball is going to shatter our peaceful afternoons and evenings. I am just really going to put my foot down about this as the kids get older.

I think I have mentioned this before, but there is a book called "The Hurried Child" that has been around for a while, and has recently been updated by the author. He addresses this issue and others in the book -- an excellent read for anyone interested in children's issues.

It is hard to stand firm against the peer pressure (from other parents!) to have kids involved in every little thing that comes down the pike, but especially because I have a child that tends to be a little on the uptight side, I am really trying to buck this trend.

Good topic!

Sally

[Phoebe]

I have felt rushed around for months now and I only have one child. Today we had a Halloween party followed by an eye drs appt. Tomorrow is a play group and Wednesday is story time at the library. When I think about trying to fit going to the gym 4 to 5 times a week, it feels hectic. We are also going to be traveling more in the near future for holidays and interviews. I am trying to push for us to stay home for one of the upcoming holidays to relax. Driving 7.5 hours in a four day weekend isn't fun to me.

I have the book, "The Hurried Child", it is very good.

Jennifer

[SueC]

Jennifer,
Your week sounds like mine! My kids are only 2 and 1 and already we have playgroup Monday, Mommy & Me exercise Wednesday, Storytime on Thursday, and this week we have Parents as Teachers tomorrow and we're taking the dog to the vet on Wednesday! I can't imagine what it will be like when they are in school, however I agree with the others that it is important not to stress out your kids (or yourself!) by having your kids in ten different activities. I don't want their whole childhood to be a blur!

[DCJenn]

Wow- I can't imagine what life must be like with kids. (I swear there are just as many days as not that I'm kinda glad nothing is happening in the conception world!)

Robin- Texas is a huge sports state. I live four houses away from one of the high schools and not only have the football players, and the softball players, and several other teams been practicing since mid-summer but the BAND has been practicing since then too! It's a big, big deal here. Read Friday Night Lights if you want to see the scary, scary world of Texas high school sports.

Thinking back- I was in Brownies and Girl Scouts, took piano lessons, played softball in the spring and swam in the summer. That's it. I went to nursery school before kindergarten (I apparently made my mother insane and she sent me more for her than for me!). My brother played sports year round. It seems like a lot now that I look at it!

I remember the year that my dad was a coach- he made sure that every kid played, regardless of wether they were any good- and there were some irate parents who expected that he would only play the 'good' kids. Needless to say, they lost every game. But I'm sure those kids who stunk probably remember that year more than the kids who were good who probably played all through high school!

Jenn

Wow is this a topic that my husband and I discuss on a regular basis!!!! I am always trying to simplify, yet, give my kids opportunity to participate in things they are interested in.

Right now .... I have only my two oldest involved in extracurricular things. Poor Tyler and Dallin have to wait a little. Jacob and Zach are both playing soccer, taking piano lessons, Jacob is finishing up cub scouts and heading into Boy Scouts while Zach has just started cub scouts. I told Tyler he could play soccer next season. I skip all the toddler activities I have been invited to. I just don't have time right now to do it with me working at least 6 hours every day. I find that the things that get cut are anything for me. I realize that isn't the way to stay SANE but I haven't figured out the balance yet.

Next year it is going to get very crazy when Jacob starts Junior High. He will probably join band (he played the trumpet in Arizona) so I guess I will be at those football games Jenn!!!! I know that football is HUGE in Texas. Honestly, it reminds me of home in Oregon. Sports was everything there too (because there was nothing else to do!!!) and parts of the newspaper was devoted specifically to high school sports. The over-the-top competitiveness is what worries me and parents can be the worst examples.... Anyway... that's another topic!

I grew up on a farm with the nearest neighbor a mile away. It was so peaceful. I remember sitting on a big rock by one of our creeks and just thinking about life and enjoying the serenity when I got stressed. My kids don't have that and with four of them in one house, it is hard for them to find time on their own and just relax by themselves. I was a VERY busy teenager involved with everything. BUT ... there were only two children in my family and my brother was only involved with one activity at a time. It was just his personality. My parents were at absolutely everything we ever did and that's what I want to be able to do. I just haven't figured out how to do it with four kids. My life is going to get busier and I have no clue how I am going to handle it yet.

At this point, I don't have any answers as I am in the middle of it all too. I have stopped volunteering for quite so many things and try to be VERY organized with my calendar. If it isn't on the calendar, we don't do it!

This is a great topic and a huge problem (I think) for our individual families and society as a whole. No wonder so many people need anti-depressants!!

Robin

I do agree on the beauty of a simple life. Fortunately, due to lack of funds we don't do a whole heck of a lot. I do attend a few playgroup type of events a couple of times a month but that's it. I don't want to go anywhere where I have to spend money and kids' activities while they can be beneficial cost too much money. So I do my grocery shopping once maybe twice a week and just try to enjoy our home the rest of the week. We go hiking on weekends for entertainment to enjoy the mountains.

I love the holidays but the running around gets to me at times. You just have to remind yourself to slow down and only do what's important. The rest is just unnecessary fluff.