do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

[Deebs]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

I start with telling people either that DH works at the hospital or that he works in the ED. He is in the midst of changing jobs, and when we started telling friends and family, their first question was, "Is he still going to work in the Emergency Department?" (this includes people like his parents, who have known us through all steps of training). I've basically given up on people, other than you guys, getting it.

As a side note, we joined a golf club here (there aren't really public pools in our area the way there are all over the Chicago suburbs, so the best way to swim well is to join). Apparently, most people there think DH is a firefighter (and obviously don't have a clue what firefighters make in terms of salary). He was, at one point, and he still does medical direction, so he's involved. So, maybe my new plan should be to tell people he works at the fire department.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

If you're a physician in Chicago, you pretty much blend in with the rest of the crowd. There isn't much of a reaction to it - neither positive nor negative. In smaller towns or suburbs is being a doctor (or married to one) viewed completely differently? Anyone with experience in both settings? I'm curious.

I grew up in a small town and my dad was an ER doc so he knew lots of people. And lots of people knew him. I remember him getting pulled over for speeding a lot when I was a kid, and the cop would know him from the ER, and would let him off with a warning. When he was out of our county, he always got the ticket. (My dad gets pulled over for speeding a lot!) My mom has also pulled the, "do you know who my husband is?" card too. Everyone knows he's a doctor, practically...

My friends knew we weren't rolling in it-- there are 4 kids, 2 of them went to really really expensive schools with no scholarships, we drove really modest cars and didn't dress preppy at all... But our house was big, and we took lavish vacations. Those things most people didn't know about and so didn't judge.

For my DH, it's different b/c even though he's going into a "well-paid specialty", he is in the military and so not paid the going rate, and so it's much easier to say "he works at the hospital" or something like that. He's not earning doctor money... That being said, most of our friends are doctor families or at least have doctor relatives, and so they know the lifestyle and don't have the normal stereotypes.

[peggyfromwastate]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

Apparently, most people there think DH is a firefighter (and obviously don't have a clue what firefighters make in terms of salary). He was, at one point, and he still does medical direction, so he's involved. So, maybe my new plan should be to tell people he works at the fire department.

That's so funny! My DH was a firefighter too-- a volunteer one, that is. If we were in a country club, I think we'd get asked mostly if he's the towel boy or perhaps the gardener! People are funny.

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

"You too can marry a surgeon. 10 steps to landing a doctor and all the priveledges he bring$."

I love it! I'll buy your first several copies for my friends.

In smaller towns or suburbs is being a doctor (or married to one) viewed completely differently? Anyone with experience in both settings? I'm curious.

The city where we live now is mid- to small-sized. But my family and old friends are from a tiny town. I have had a much easier time making friends here in the city - mostly with coworkers at the hospital or the med center before I became a SAHM, though. I think people in smaller towns generally have a simpler, more secluded lifestyle. These are intelligent people, but it's still harder to relate because our experiences are different.

My friends knew we weren't rolling in it-- there are 4 kids, 2 of them went to really really expensive schools with no scholarships, we drove really modest cars and didn't dress preppy at all... But our house was big, and we took lavish vacations. Those things most people didn't know about and so didn't judge.

One of my best friends, an old roommate in college, was a doctor's kid. She always took it for granted, was never showy even though her dad had a higher end salary. That's ideal, IMO. I want my kids to grow up with opportunities, but not feeling like they're somehow different or better.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

Well I didn't ever hear anything negative until we got engaged. Now it's mostly, "Oh honey, do you KNOW what you've gotten yourself into?". Um, yes, I was pre-med in college, I know about medical school/residency.

I know they just want me to be aware but I guess I'm annoyed at the suggestion that his school/job/working hours has anything to do with my love for him. There are too many variables in life to worry about your potential mate's job in my opinion. What if he never practices? What if he cures cancer? What if it's hard like any marriage and we make it through? There are too many variables and also, DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE!



Sorry!

[Flynn]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

I'm extremely vague.

If I'm comfortable with the person I usually say where he works not what he does. If I'm not sure of the person I just say he's "in medicine." They can ask the follow up questions from there if they want to. Most people in my experience do not dig further.


The less info. the better IMO.

[houseelf]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

This is one response which I have changed dramatically through the years. I used to be evasive and now I just put it out there. I didn't want to make people uncomfortable about potential differences in lifestyles, education, whatever. Now I just let it all hang out because I'm acutely aware of all of the urban myths surrounding dawterhood. The lifestyle is just plain sh***y. Apparently there is money somewhere way down the road, but I'm not believing it until I see the cold hard cash in my hand. Besides if anyone worked almost any hourly paid job for 100 hours a week for a decade or so, they'd probably make some cash too.

But I'm not bitter or anything....

Kelly

[diggitydot]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

I'm to the point where I'm a bit vague. Mainly because I'm soooo tired of weird neighbors calling at all hours for free medical advice. Actual conversation a couple years ago: "No, really...if your idiot husband tripped while drunkenly chasing his buddy around a car on wet pavement and now can't raise his arm more than 4" and has one shoulder almost up to his ear and dangling at a weird angle, GO TO THE ER. My [then] 2nd year med student husband can't do a damn thing for you."

Ugh. I really dislike neighbors.

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

I say DW is a resident if asked what she does. If they can't handle that or start prattling, I don't want them as friends anyway.

Actually, most of our friends are either medical or friends of friends (who are medical).

[Momo]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

I used to be vague, but now, like Kelly ,I put it out there. Let's face it w/ heart disease as the number 1 killer I might as well tell folks what he does.
Everybody seems to know someone that has been cathed or had some type of cardiac test!

[ud_grad]

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

I just say he's a resident. Several of my friends have known me (us) for years and know that we both work hard and that my husband has been working toward this goal for YEARS. They also know how often I'm alone so I don't think it seems very glamorous to them.

Re: do you avoid telling people your SO is a doctor/doctor to be

i hardly ever tell people. if they ask me i just say 'he's an SHO' and people will usually be like 'oh' but i know that they dont know what that is!

(SHO is senior house officer btw - the grades are different here in ireland.)

otherwise isay he works at a hospital. we're both very simple so even my husband doesnt like to say he's a doctor - he says i work at the hospital and then once someone said to him something like 'oh yeah i know a porter at the hospital...'

but sometimes, i when i meet someone who is so 'up themselves like wow im so amazing' i tell them what im qualified in and then add in 'and oh yeah my husband is an orthopaedic surgeon'

lol, but thats rarely, and only when im really irritated with someone!

and also, theres a certain mindset about how a doctors wife is meant to look like and behave and i seriously hate that. i try and be simple with people but when they find that out same kind of thing that someone else said 'oh i cant be friends with you your husband is a doctor'.

grrr