do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

like dressing a certain way e.g. glamorous, refined,

talking a certain way

expected to pick up the tabs or not claim expenses because 'hey your a doctors wife you should be able to afford this'

getting picked on by your mum 'does a doctors wife wear TRAINERS!? (sneaker)

have people think you are a golddigger - or being accomplished for marrying 'well'

and another topic - the annoying thnigs about being married to an alpha man?

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

Sometimes I think my brothers and sisters wonder why we don't give bigger birthday gifts. (We don't have a lot of money for it - but hopefully someday we will.)

If people think I should dress a certain way, they'll just be disappointed! And that doesn't bother me. I don't want people to think I'm snobby.

But instead of people thinking I'm a gold-digger, they generally feel sorry for me because of DH's busy schedule - which is just as annoying. I'm proud of DH and what he does, and I want other people to think that we're doing a good thing, even if it's really hard sometimes.

About being married to an "alpha male" or a "type A personality" - well... that DOES have its downsides! Sometimes it would be nice to enjoy some popcorn and a couple of games, but we've given up on relaxing evenings like that - partly because we both HAVE to win!

[SuzySunshine]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

Honestly I never feel any pressure being a doctors wife. I really don't care how people perceive me, I am who I am. :huh: Plus, I never consider myself a doctors wife, I am married to a wonderful man who just happens to work as a doctor. It doesn't define us.

We've very quickly figured out which friends stuck around b/c of DH's profession, etc. We are who we are and if we can't be ourselves around someone then that's their issue. Yes there are times we must dress a certain way for functions but those functions would come with most jobs.

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

I agree with Tara and Cheri. I have been with DH since long before he was a dawkter so I don't worry about it too much. BUT, it is annoying when you meet new people that have misconceptions. And my own family still don't get why we are still broke, and will be for many more years!

[madeintaiwan]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

what she said. I don't really feel the pressure to behave or dress a certain way just because DH is a "doctor," but I have never been the kind of person to care about trends and others' expectations enough to change how I dress or act. Don't get me wrong, I definitely have different "hats" that I wear but I like to believe that I am still "me" to the core. Jeans, t-shirt, and sandal kind of gal who just likes to chill at home or with family and friends and LOVES a bargain and will wait to get one.

"The you're so lucky to have landed a doctor" thing from strangers and not close friends does get old. Assuming this to be true is a sure way to not become a part of my "circle of trust." I have no problem telling ignorant people that they don't have a clue.

[Vanquisher]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

I married dh when he was a 19-year-old skinny college student. A geek who had never been to second base with anyone except me. I feel no pressure to behave like a dawkters wife.

I am, however, self concious, but I have always been so, long before medical school happened.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

Honestly I never feel any pressure being a doctors wife. I really don't care how people perceive me, I am who I am. :huh: Plus, I never consider myself a doctors wife, I am married to a wonderful man who just happens to work as a doctor. It doesn't define us.

We've very quickly figured out which friends stuck around b/c of DH's profession, etc. We are who we are and if we can't be ourselves around someone then that's their issue. Yes there are times we must dress a certain way for functions but those functions would come with most jobs.

Double-ditto. What he does isn't who I am. It's part of my life, but I have way too much other stuff to worry about than whether I am being a good "doctor's wife." Besides, if I suddenly went all "dawkter's wife" on him, he'd probably send me in for a neuro/psych workup.

In my (concededly very limited) experience, most of the people I know who think that I should act/buy/consume/talk/dress, etc. a certain way because I am a doctor's wife aren't married to doctors themselves and have no idea what my life is about or like.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

"The you're so lucky to have landed a doctor" thing from strangers and not close friends does get old. . . .

Uh, no. I am lucky to have landed HIM, whatever he does. And, by the way, he's lucky to have landed me, too.

People are weird. It's like they think that when I look at him, I see a guy in scrubs with a lot of education and a big dollar promise stamped on his forehead. Please. We've been together since we were 19--back when he thought he was going to be a lawyer and work on the Hill as a Republican version of George Stephanopolous. In general, when I look at him, I see the guy who can't ever find his keys and is puzzled by why twelve-day-old leftover Chinese food made him sick.

[medpedspouse]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

I do not feel pressure per say but I think at some point we all have to deal with the stereotype of "doctor's wife"...usually from people who do not have a clue. My grandmother's friend told me how lucky I was to having married a doctor. I am sure in her generation that was "lucky" - I just smiled and reminded her that he too was lucky to have married a doctor that could afford to support us both while he did his medical training. She was speechless.

The gift thing is something that does get me. We literally are just starting out unlike our friends who have been making money and moving up the corporate ladder since they graduated. However, I think some people expect us to buy expensive gifts/sign up for the galas to raise money/bid outrageous amounts of dollars at silent auctions, etc. BUT these are not our real friends.

I use the "dawkter" thing as a litmus test to ascertain whether potential friend or clueless acquaintance.

[Phoebe]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

I haven't felt the pressure yet. My mother wanted to me to pick put china when we got married so I would have them for dinner parties for all those "doctors". I didn't pick china and we haven't had any dinner parties.

[SuzySunshine]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

I use the "dawkter" thing as a litmus test to ascertain whether potential friend or clueless acquaintance.

I agree with this, I know there are some people on this board that don't identify their spouse as a doctor when first asked. I do when asked b/c while it doesn't define us it is a large part of how we live our lives, how our time is spent when available, etc. and if they have issues with that or are attracted to that then that is a red flag I'd rather know upfront.

[migirl]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

In my everyday life, I would say "no". I've also known DH a loooooong time (we met when we were 18yo), and it's just not an issue with our friends and family. My dad and brother are both docs, and a lot of our friends go waaaaaay back and/or are also in medicine.

However, I do sometimes feel out of place and uncomfortable at DH's work functions mostly because I feel like all of the other dawkter's wives are so polished and nicely put-together while I feel like I'm lucky if I managed to put on matching shoes and get into a dress before getting spit up on. I dunno. It's probably my own issue than anything else, but I always feel so schlubby compared to the other wives.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

I haven't felt the pressure yet. My mother wanted to me to pick put china when we got married so I would have them for dinner parties for all those "doctors". I didn't pick china and we haven't had any dinner parties.

We actually registered for it (to avoid getting crap we didn't want) and then returned it, and used the money to get me a laptop!

I loved when certain people that I used to work with (Catholic school = horrible pay) would talk about how hard it is to live on their income, and as soon as I'd commiserate, someone would say, "But your husband's a dawkter". I would be very quite to respond back, "No, he's actually a student now. We currently have 100,00 in debt, and he won't be making 'dawkter money' for at least 10 years" That usually shut them up!

[rainbabies]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

I married dh when he was a 19-year-old skinny college student. A geek who had never been to second base with anyone except me. I feel no pressure to behave like a dawkters wife.

I am, however, self concious, but I have always been so, long before medical school happened.

bolded is mine. that is me to a T.

and i could have written part of the first paragraph too.

dh was a basment dweller at the hospital we worked at. in the medical records dept...and working on his BS. he (and I) had no idea he would be a doctor one day.
he was fresh out of the army, making shit for money, washing his clothes in the bath tub, drying them in the oven...as far as he is concerned...he is lucky to be married to me. and he tells me this...and anyone else who will listen.

[BonBon]

Re: do you ever feel pressure at being a doctor's wife?

h, no. I am lucky to have landed HIM, whatever he does. And, by the way, he's lucky to have landed me, too.

In general, when I look at him, I see the guy who can't ever find his keys and is puzzled by why twelve-day-old leftover Chinese food made him sick.

Yep, and yep. DH laughs because I always have a hard time believing that he's got brains because his head is always in the clouds at home.

I've had lots of stupid comments about how well I've done for myself (because I snagged me a doctor ) but I feel no pressure to look or act a certain way.

Jenn, we've never hosted a dinner party either! And our "china" is from Target - $12 for 4 place settings.