Laugh of the day (re. Becoming the Wife of a Doctor)

I have to share this for everybody's amusement. I just got off the phone with one of the senior managers here at work. We were discussing, amongst other things, relationships/family stuff. She asked about my BF and me; and I told her that it's been rough-going lately because of the craziness of both our schedules. I also told her about my anxiety at the prospect of moving out of state to who-knows-where. She then countered with "Oh, c'mon, you have to stick it out. He's going to be a doctor, for Heaven's sake." I was like, "Yah... and?? So what!!!" She then says "After residency & fellowhip, he'll be bringing in the $$$, so you can retire." Me: "Why would I want to retire? I'm not busting my butt working and getting my MBA just so I can sit home and eat bonbons. Besides, I'm only 27 years old. What would I do all day?" She says, "You can volunteer your time. You wouldn't need to work for money. You'd be set."

While talking about specialties, I mentioned that I'd prefer he make less money if he can come home at regular hours. Her comment: "Oh, that's what you say now. Wait until he starts making at least $200,000/yr." She went on about the "privileges" of marrying a physician - most of which I won't even repeat. I was rolling my eyes and shaking my head throughout this conversation. Talk about stereotyping ...

Anyway, I thought I'd share this with you all, so that you can get as big a kick out of it as I did.

Dures

[Amiens]

What privileges?! That we will get free pens and paper for life from drug reps! Or that people will think because our spouses have the title Dr. before the names implies that we are rich, but in fact we are living on an income (after paying those $112,000 in loans) that is above the poverty level. Hmm! (Side note- Matt's misses drug reps somewhat now that he is in anesthesia, because they were his source of nourishment during the day. Then again he says it's a good thing he doesn't see them 4 times a day, because he has lost 20 lbs.)

The only perk I can think of off hand is free medical advice from colleagues.

I thought what your coworker had to say was pretty funny. Matt keeps reminding me that just because he is going into anesthesia doesn't mean will be loaded. I tell him "I don't care about the money, I just care about the prospect of you only having to work 2 weeks a month (that's what his uncle who is an anesthesiologist does, and they live in a small town)."

Crystal

[DCJenn]

Oh Jeez, don't you just love it?

People look at me like I'm nuts when I remind them that my husband makes slightly more than any other Captain in the Army! no, really- not kidding!!!

No 6 figure incomes here- not even combined!

Jenn

[SueC]

Yeah, that drives me crazy!
They have no idea what we go through, and to imply that making "the big bucks" makes having your husband gone all the time worth it! (Not that we are making the big bucks by any means--we are scraping by at best!)

[PrincessFiona]

aren't you lucky!

This kind of thinking drives me absolutely nuts. I've had really nice conversations with women about life in general and financial survival and then as soon as they find out that my dh is a doctor, the tune changes.
During fellowship, when we were literally paying our rent from my student loans and diapers from the credit card, the NP and other fellow were adamant with me that I should "stay at home and spend my husband's money" What really surprised me is that the other fellow felt this way....but her husband was also a physician they hadn't had their first child yet...so her experience of fellowship was a little different.

There will always be people who don't understand the emotional and financial investment that goes into medical school and residency...and the costs of actually operating a practice. When people complain to me about only getting a 15 minute doctor's visit and say that the doc is just in it for the money, I am not even gentle anymore about saying that insurance companies, medicare and medicaid don't want to pay physicians anymore, that most docs are at least $150,000 in debt and are being forced to see more patients in less time to just pay off their loans and pay their staff.

I don't make a lot of friends on this issue anymore.

Kris

I hear you on that last post. People do not understand. They just don't.

Dures, that conversation cracked me up. I've had the exact same conversation with people before. I've got a master's degree, and I'm very career-driven, and like hell would I give up my career! I love it, and I'm good at it. My husband and I were attracted to each other because of our interests in many things, and I think I would be much less interesting to him if I were not as interested in my own career and goals.

Plus, we're a Navy family. We're NOT rolling in the dough. Nor will we be!

I have a good friend who's an RN and she's married to a resident, too. We both kept our last names when we got married, and we joke around that we don't admit what our husbands do for a living to other people sometimes because they'll get the WRONG idea!

Given that we're still in training, our big laugh is that my intern dh makes the same salary as he did in 1994 (with much shorter hours) when we met! And I, working at a non-profit, still make more than he does.

But to be serious about it for a second, the biggest payoff, really, is that he's doing work that satisfies him and uses his best skills and talents. While the dollars are the same as in 94, the happiness quotient is MUCH higher, and that makes for something better than bonbons.

Kate

Ok... it's happened again! What is it with people who have this perception of doctors and their lifestyles??? : : I was talking to my cousin-in-law tonight and she was asking me about Jay's residency plans. I was giving her a very brief outline of his plans when she says "That's OK, because you'll be rich someday." She then proceeds to tell me about her neighbor, who is married to an IM attending, who complains often about her DH's long hours. My cousin-in-law told me she has no sympathy for her neighbor; because b/w her DH & her, they drive a BMW & Mercedes, anyway. I was like, "As if those compensate for all the hours he's away from home!!!"

Jen: I have to sheepishly admit that I have done the same thing on many occasions. What does your husband do? Oh, uhm, he works at the hospital. He's in healthcare. And on one occasion, I've even said that he was just a regular doctor instead of a general surgeon. I get so sick and tired of the comments. . .oooooh! Well, you will have a maid someday! Yeah, whatever!

[DCJenn]

I rarely tell people what my husband does- especially if they 1) work for me or 2) I work for them. Really, the only thing my employers need to know is that he's in the Army and therefore we'll be leaving in June (if I can survive here that long!). It's pretty funny how the conversations typically go-

"So, what brought you to Texas?"

Me: "My husband is in the military"

"Really? What branch?"

Me: "Army"

"Fort Sam?"

Me: "Yes"

"5th Army or BAMC?"

Me: "BAMC"

"Really, what does he do at BAMC?"

Me: "Not much, he also works at Wilford Hall" (The Air Force Hospital)

Finally, if they still pursue it after my one word answers I tell them that he's an intern. I have found that people usually give up at the Ft. Sam question, though.

I don't tell my staff because I don't want them to think that somehow I haven't busted my a@@ in this field to get to where I am.

It's so amazing what people think!

Jenn

[SueC]

That's funny, I often don't tell people what my husband does, either! Or I make a point that he is still in training. Then they assume he is still a student. He has had people that we have known for years ask him when he will be out of med school--it drives him crazy since he has been out for 5 years!!!

I usually tell people who ask that my husband is in the Navy. Or that he works at the Navy hospital. Most people don't press it any further than that, unless they happen to be military themselves.

The money is definitely there. However, it comes at a huge price. I would've traded any amount of material gain to spend more time with my father. It's all good in the end. He's retired now and is living comfortably.

I can't exactly complain. I get to commute everyday in his old SL 500 before internship starts next year. He let me have it and bought something more practical for his "golden years." What exactly do retired neurosurgeons do with their time? They spend 4 hrs/day at home depot and call me to tell me about how many coats of laquer it took to pave the driveway.

Next year I'll probably get a vw jetta. I like heinekens and silky smooth german engineering but I'll be on a budweiser budget.

The money is definitely there. However, it comes at a huge price. I would've traded any amount of material gain to spend more time with my father

EXACTLY! I couldn't agree with you more. I've told Jay hundreds of times that I will gladly trade thousands of dollars in take-home pay if it meant that he'd be able to work normal business hours. Prestige, status, perception be da*$#& :!:

Oh yes, the glamorous, glamorous life of a physician's wife. Play a little golf, redecorate the country house...

Right. Doctors make the same as corporate VPs, only with oh, 7 more years of school (and corresponding loan repayment amounts), and then there's the matter of the pager going off during dinner, movies, religious services, you name it. And prestige? Not for Family Practice docs--cardiologists or neurosurgeons, maybe.

All I know is that my husband is doing EXACTLY what he should be doing--he's better at taking care of sick, scared people than anyone I've ever seen, and he lights up when he even talks about it. Not everyone gets to know their purpose in life and then go about following it. He's very fortunate in that, and I'm lucky just to hang around.