Advice for young single male doctors

First, let me say Happy Thanksgiving to all. I hope everyone is with family and friends right now and enjoying every minute of it.

I am currently a single male medical student in my fourth year of school. I consider myself to be attractive, very physically fit, and down to earth. However, the very irregular schedule and long hours of school have prevented me from dating and developing a relationship. Sure, I want out and partied with everybody at the clubs after exams. However, what kind of women do you find at the clubs at 3 AM on a saturday night?

I am not alone. I have a group of male friends who are all very intelligent, tall, dark, and handsome types. All of us are single male soon to be doctors without that special female in our lives.

How did you meet your significant other? Is there hope of meeting that special someone even with the prospect of going through internship, residency and even fellowship?

thanks

[fluffhead]

Despite the poor odds, I met my wife in the med school library - she was writing a grant and I was researching a paper.
Geek romance. 8)

[DCJenn]

Online romance...

The online life was VERY good to my husband. Let's just say he cut a swath through greater Washington, DC in his time...

Jenn

Hello & welcome

Happy thanksgiving to you, too.

Your question is pretty interesting. Ironically, everybody I know seems to think that doctors/med students are "hot commodities and quickly snatched up." But from what I hear from my BF and now you, that's not always the case. (Sorry, don't mean to rub it in. )

To answer your question about where we met, my BF & I met in Ireland while we were both touring. He's from the East Coast while I'm from the West Coast. In fact, I almost didn't make the trip because I didn't get my passport until 3 hours before my flight was scheduled to leave. I was on the phone with my travel agent trying to postpone my trip when the Passport Agency called. Given all the hassle it took for me to get to Europe, we like to think that it was fated that we were to meet. So that's our story.

From what I hear from my BF, some of his classmates have met their significant others in class, library, during rotations (one friend is going out with a nurse he met while on rotation), Internet, a former patient, and thru friends. My BF has told me that his classmates/friends who met people at clubs/bars have come away disappointed because these people only had $ signs in their eyes.

Well, good luck and keep us posted.

[Phoebe]

Hi and Welcome to the boards!

My husband and I met at the beginning of his internship year with my mom as the matchmaker. My husband was rotating through the department where my mom is an RN and I had just moved back to the area where I grew up. She offered my number as a potential tour guide. The rest is history. I can tell you that until the word was out that my husband was dating someone, many people were trying to set him up.

It was definitely hard starting a relationship during internship year, but we worked it out. I don't think you will have any trouble meeting people through work or colleagues. A couple people my husband went through residency with married each other or hospital staff. That is where you will be spending most of your time, so you will get to know the people if you chose.

Good Luck...

Jennifer

Medical students as hot commidities? LOL thanks for the joke...The reality is that the majority of women that I meet are more turned off by the fact that I'm still in training and not out on my own making a living...I would just love to meet an intelligent, attractive, independent, and flexible lady...now there is a HOT commodity...I guess being a bit shy and reserved is not helping me out either...I have alot of friends...but they always set me up with the wrong women...where are some good places to meet quality women?

I am one to tell you that it is possible to meet a woman at a bar that is not at all interested in the "Dr." title. I met my DH at a resteraunt/Karaoke bar half way through med school. I was disappointed he was going to be a Dr. I am in the medical profession myself and was tired of the "Dr." type personalities, but here we are 7 years later. When it happens it happens. Stop looking so much and it will fall in your lap. That's the way life works. Just my two cents worth.

Trisha

This isn't going to sound like fun, but I guess the best way to find your significant other is to stop looking so hard. She is out there and for the time being you should just concentrate on your studies and getting a great residency position .

Having said that, I will give you advice on how NOT to find your future spouse once you start your residency ... as there are plenty of single interns in DH program and these are a nice combination of their "mistakes" ...

1) Don't have sex with techs in the hospital ... because your rep will spread like wild fire. If you are going to have a hospital based romance, take it slow and be a gentleman.

2) Don't go out with a gaggle of other residents "bar hopping" and then end up taking a new person home each weekend ... again, your rep will spread either because they think it is sad that you can't hang onto one of them or because they are jealous.

3) Don't buy a brand new BMW/Audi/Mercedes/ Lexus that you can't afford (unless you inherited the money) ... cuz somewhere down the line you are going to have to decide between the car payment and food, and the girl will be gone quickly after that.

4) Don't date an upper level resident, even if they are in another department, unless you have serious intentions ... could be career suicide.

5) Don't flirt with married upper levels ... or with anyone for that matter ... at the hospital during work hours. Could be career suicide.

6) Don't catch an STD.

These are just some of the mistakes that DH and I have noticed with a few of his single fellow interns ... I am starting to feel like the camp counselor for the interns in his program and it amazes me that such intelligent men don't know the first thing about having a normal relationship. So I guess a last bit of advice would be to go and read at least one book on relationships ... like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus ... something .

Good luck

Aisha

Aisha,

That was a rather amusing yet ironically truthful reply to my original post. Rather than repsonding via a lengthy diatribe I'll simply take each of your "rules" and give my personal input on them:

1) The thought has crossed my mind. However, I'd never have casual sex with anyone.

2) I'm not much of a clubber or into the singles bar scene.

3) Sorry, I have a nice car...hand me down from my father (neurosurgeon)

4) What's wrong with dating an upper level resident if the chemistry is there?

5) The thought of flirting with a married person would not even cross my mind

6) lol...I think I'm ok...I always use protection...again, I've never had any casual sex anyways

[SueC]

I met my husband while he was still a med student--we met at the gym and I know several couples who hooked up there. It was the fitness center for the med school, so everyone was pretty much a student in the medical profession or actually working at the hospital. I agree with the others--don't look so hard, you'll probably bump into ms. right when you least expect it!

[PrincessFiona]

Meeting a spouse...

I think that when you feel pressured to find a spouse that you might be less likely to find one....I had sworn off dating when I met Thomas and was definately not in the market....I broke my own rule to go out with him....and the rest is history

We also met at work...so I would definately subscribe to the idea that you are most likely to meet someone with common interests who is involved in similar activities as you are......

Don't sweat it and it will happen!

Kris

Singledoc,

I have to agree with everybody when they say not to look so hard. Miss Right will come when you least expect her.

Since we had both just gotten out of relationships, neither my BF nor I were looking for someone when we met each other. Also, I was not looking to date another medical student, since I didn't think the "medical lifestyle" was for me (I had previously dated someone who had his heart set on becoming a surgeon.) But we just clicked really well. I just knew!!!

That being said, I did ask my BF where his other med pals met their SOs. He said most of them had met in college or thru friends. One usually attracts people/friends who have very similar values/interests/outlooks as the person. So do you have any friends who might have a friend, sister/relative, co-worker, neighbor, gym buddy whom you might be interested in? Oh, before I forget, my BF did suggest maybe studying in a coffee shop near campus (i.e. where most co-eds go).
OK, those are just his & my $.02; but I still think Miss Right will come when you least expect her.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Dures

I met my dh

before either one of us finished undergrad. We both were in 2 totally different fields..got married at 20, pregnant 3 months later, and then he went to undergrad for bio/chem, and I went on to become a RN...and we are both still studying to further our careers. He is a med student now, and we have 2 children. We are 25 now, so most of the guys and girls our age are single...so we get great input from them. They say the best place is some common ground like the hospital (c'mon aren't there any attractive, intelligent nurses or residents where you rotate?), or class. Most likely you will have something in common with them. I also agree with the other posters when they say "when you least expect it, it will happen...so don't try too hard"

[DCJenn]

Just to reiterate- ONLINE! I swear, this was the only way I dated for two years. I had a fabulous time, too. The guys were for the most part utterly normal and I met a lot of interesting people, even if 95% of the time there was no chemistry.

Also, to tack on to Aisha's comment about dating upper levels- we just had a third year (male) marry a staff but it did cause some huge ridiculously stupid issues for them. (and factor in the whole military "don't date your superiors" thing- it got pretty ugly). But they stuck with it and are fine, now. However, it could have had some pretty serious ramifications if they had handled it all differently. They were 100% professional all the time. Meaning even at social functions with other people they knew from the program. Came with friends or by themselves, stayed apart most of the evenings- left seperately, etc.

Jenn

Thanks for all of the replies...I know I shouldn't try so hard...The reality is I'm not...I am not actively pursuin a significant other at this time...Actually, I am following everybody's advice by "letting things happen naturally." However, I'm almost 28 and feel that if I don't start becoming more proactive I'll wind up settling for somebody instead of findings, "the one."

On a brighter note, I may be doing my transitional year in Honolulu. The hospital is minutes from downtown Waikiki 8)