Advice for young single male doctors

This is sort of embarrassing, but my husband and I met through our church. That always seems to give the wrong impression of us (we are not the conservative Christian-type at all), but we both attended a really great church that was deeply committed to urban outreach and service. One day, he came to a meeting that the church's young adults were hosting (you know, dinner, drinks, and a movie), and I was there.

Which brings me to my point: meeting people at places where or events in which you already have a natural interest is key. If you're not interested in rock climbing, you're probably not going to have a great time dating someone that you met at a rock-climbing class who is deeply interested in rock climbing.

JenL,

Thanks for the advice. I know what you said is pretty much common sense. However, I would be telling a lie if I told you that I never tried going to yoga class or a poetry reading without any ulterior motives at play. "Chicks" seem to love that stuff. Sorry, I just had to babble some macho bravado. I just started an elective month of ortho. At the moment, I feel quite comfortable with everybody. We all seem to share similar interests: working out, sports, cars, motorcycles...what the hell am I talking about?? I thought stereotypes were a joke...maybe not??

Some of their behavior makes we want to throw up...It is really gay sometimes how certain humans of the male species have power trips because they get to play with a bone saw and human powerdrilll...

I've always been more cerebral, sophisticated, and elegant. I like to use my hands in a more delicate manner. This is precisely the reason I am applying for ophthalmology next year after my transitional

Life is strange though...you never know...who has the better looking wives: orthopedic surgeons or ophthalmologists?

[DCJenn]

Yeah- well, I married my first husband for that exact reason...

I got married again at age 33!

Jenn

I met my bf through friends of friends. We had met and saw each other at certain parties, etc., but I was seeing someone else so the thought of dating him never really crossed my mind until I saw him later (when I was single). Thinking back now, I realize that there was always a certain "something" between us, but I never acted on it since I had a bf at the time. He told me after we started dating that he was always interested in me, but was repeatedly told that I had a bf. haha.

Otherwise, I've met boys (yes, I call them boys) in many different ways. In bars, online, through friends, in classes I've taken, work, etc. I agree with not pushing things and to "stop looking" but also be open to all possibilities as I'm sure you already are.

Good luck and keep us posted!
Sharon

[Meenah]

I have to agree with the "don't try so hard"!!! Hawaii sounds great.
My husband & I met in the hospital, I'm an RN. It helps that I understand his crazy hours (though I don't always act like it).
Luanne

Do Women like Flashy Cars?

One of the orthopedic spine surgery fellows at my elective rotation drives a black escalade with a chromed out grill and gold plated cadillac emblem on the back. It also looks like he has 23" rims.

The car is borderline obnoxious looking. He's only 32. Maybe it's just a phase. I can't fathom a women finding a "ride" like this appealing? In addition, he likes to call women biotches and hoes?? I'm not making this stuff up. All the women also think it's cute. I guess I'll have to learn how to be a jerk to get a woman. This is ridiculous.

This guy is living proof that stereotypes of the various medical specialties are sometimes true. He's about 6'5" and very muscular. Unfortunately, I'm only 5'11" and of average build. Maybe I can have his female leftovers

[Meenah]

Don't cave in to this BS. My husband is 5'10 and I love every bit of him.
Luanne

There's always giong to be people who are attracted to such obscene material trappings. But Miss Right wont' be one of them. So don't content yourself with what you think are this guy's "leftovers."

My guy drives a 12 year-old Hyundai Sonata that barely runs and has maybe $100 to his name, but I love him nonetheless. He could be using a scooter to work, and I'd still love him.

What a neat thread!

I met my husband while I was doing research at UT Southwestern. He was getting the PhD part of his MD/PhD and we were working on the same (8th) floor. The elevators were ridiculously slow and so once you were on you basically didn't want it to stop for anyone! So I was on one night and heard footsteps running towards the elevator and a voice calling "hold the elevator!" and I quickly pushed the "close door" button about 10 times! But at the last second pangs of guilt hit, and I stopped the doors and he ran in. The rest is history.

I don't envy your position. While the women have the difficult position of potentially being called "gold diggers" for marrying drs, I imagine you might wonder if the girl wants you or your degree and all that comes with it. All I can add is if you're an intelligent, sociable, kind person who's got alot going for him, take your time because the right girl is out there and she's worth waiting for.

Tired&Poor,

That was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm a patient guy. I guess I can't wait a bit longer. Maybe god is testing me...who knows

[houseelf]

Single doc,

I read this passage with much interest. Before I met my hubby I was single for a year and a half all the while working on three different Army bases. 8O I was starting to pick up the name "ice princess" for turning down any offers from guys. I swore off men a couple of years before after choosing a guy who was "easy on the eyes and hard on the heart".

I ended up meeting my hubby through a mutual friend, my aerobics instructor and his fellow med student. It turned out that we were both from the same area with similar family backgrounds and had a wealth of things in common. He just seemed so "normal" to me.

Long story short, blind dates and set ups get bad reps. It worked for us. By the way, I'm not even sure that I would disclose that I was a doctor for at least a little while. Try..."I work at the hospital in patient care". Hopefully, you will weed out some of the flakes right out of the bag.

As far as that pukey, ostentatious god complex...UGH! My dh and I see this all the time. Can we just all say insecure?

Anyway, best of luck. Things will turn out the way that they are supposed to.

Kelly

When I meet women I usually tell them still going to school. This immediately puts me out of the running with alot of women. They are thinking he's not established nor finanacial secure and settled with his affairs. What can he possibly offer me that a guy with similar looks and personality WITH money can give me. I know that not ALL women think this way. Nonetheless, I feel the majority do. I guess it is worth it then to wait for a good girl to appreciate me for who I am on the inside. These types of women are few and far between. Usually, when you do meet them they are already involved, engaged, or married.

I'm also in the miitary. I'm an HPSPer. I'm actually waiting to see where I'll end up next year for my transitional year. It's gonna be either Eisenhower, Tripler, BAMC, MAMC, Walter Reed, or WBAMC.

[DCJenn]

Hey-

Don't worry- The majority of us don't think like that.

Anyway- as an HPSP resident, you'll be meeting tons of new people. And, FYI, all of the HPSP people who we started residency with- have all gotten married or engaged. Seriously- and the only one who isn't engaged is living with her boyfriend and we're all expecting that she'll reappear after New Years with a ring! So...give it some time!

Jenn

[HeartRN]

I met my hub as an undergraduate--medical school was but a twinkle in his eye at that time. To say that we have been down a long winding road together is and understatement....however, as I mentioned in my intro, we have survived on HUMOR. This is one of the first things that attracted me to my husband. We met through a mutual friend, who remains my best friend to this day. He helped me study for my bio exam because he was such a genius (and still is ) Honestly, singledoc, all of the advice given previously really sums it up--just be yourself. I guess it took quite a bit of growing up for me to realize I deserve a man who treats me with respect and sensitivity. Somehow a lot of us (women) fall into the trap of falling for the a-holes. Hang in there....she is out there, and she will be lucky to find you.

Marla,

Thanks alot for the reply. I'm sure it will happen like everybody says it will. I am definitely keeping my fingers crossed. I guess part of the problem is being on the shy side. I've never been able to change that part of my personality. I am definitely not the life of the party. However, I am not a hermit either. I'm somewhere in the middle. I just prefer being low key and down to earth. Not to sound conceited but I got compliments from my female friends all the time. Maybe they're just trying to be nice like you guys are