grrrr....

[bahama_mama]

How do you nicely tell your husband that you won't move to some podunk, middle of no where town with him? My DH is job searching, and keeps coming up with these 'great opportunities' located in very rural locations. Am I asking too much to live within an hour of an international airport? (No offense to anyone here living in a podunk town).

[SuzySunshine]

Re: grrrr....

No, you're not asking to much - any move within your control (i.e. not a match situation) should be a joint decision IMO. Especially after we've put up with so much crap over the years. All they see are $$$$$$$$$$.

[MathMum]

Re: grrrr....

Meh' I would just sit down and tell him straight up... This should be a joint decision and dollar signs are not important (especially at this point seeing as any increase is a good increase).

Both of you should lay down points you won't budge on and come up with a compromise.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: grrrr....

Well, unless Grandpa has a paid membership for US News and World Report and a lot of time on his hands to research all the places you guys apply, Grandpa will know that the best program he got into is the one you tell him is the best.

What Grandpa doesn't know won't annoy you.

You are killing me today.

[DCJenn]

Re: grrrr....

Luckily my husband is more afraid of Podunk than I am.

I like Lily's response.

Jenn

[medpedspouse]

Re: grrrr....

How do you nicely tell your husband that you won't move to some podunk, middle of no where town with him? My DH is job searching, and keeps coming up with these 'great opportunities' located in very rural locations. Am I asking too much to live within an hour of an international airport? (No offense to anyone here living in a podunk town).

You just tell him. Unlike med schools and residency where not everything could be controlled...now you have that ability. We chose a place that was close to his family (my mil is sick), housing was affordable and I could continue my carreer. It came down to two places and we did not choose the one that offered the most $$$ - we chose the one with the most time off. After 10 years of medical training, having time for family and vacations was important to us.

You and your DH finally have the power to say where you want to live. Enjoy yourselves!! If you choose a practice that does not work out...you can always choose another later. Our financial advisor (who only works with physicians) told us not to stress about "the" place because the majority of his clients make a move 2-5yrs afterwards.

Re: grrrr....

Haha, this is hard to do when Grandpa (his, not mine) just casually mentions over dinner 'You just have to go to the best program you can get into, regardless of location.'

Thanks, Grandpa.

Well, depending on specialty, for residency Grandpa is right. Annoying, but right. If you're in a competitive specialty you've got to think long and hard about turning down / not ranking places. But for the end of the road / real job?? I'm all over Lily's scary "NO" guy.

[MathMum]

Re: grrrr....

I just noticed in your siggie that your so is an MS3.... unfortunately, the match sends you where it sends you!

We chose UofL for it's hard core program (one of the best gen surg programs in the country), and luckily we got our first choice. Other friends of ours weren't so lucky.

Unfortunately, when it comes to res you want the best program possible, it makes finding that good job all the easier!

[SuzySunshine]

Re: grrrr....

If your DH is going into neurosurgery Abigail and I can help - programs can look so good and paper and not be or vice versa.

If not neurosurgery I think we have just about every specialty covered on this board.

[Vanquisher]

Re: grrrr....

This is what I was talking about in my first post about going somewhere where the residents actually get to do stuff vs. all the work going to the fellows as one factor to consider as well as how comfortable DH is there. I don't want him to go to a bad program, but I think there are a lot of factors that go into 'best' that won't show up in US News & World Report (which Grandpa will probably buy )

I just want to comment on "best" programs. The best program for your dh is the one where he fits in the best. All programs have their strengths and weaknesses. As far as the "name" of the program goes, I can tell you that I've never met as big of dipshits in my life as a couple of dawkters that I know that did their residencies at Harvard or Johns Hopkins. Truly, the name means shit. Medicine is such a small field that anyone who is in the specialty that your spouse goes into will know most of the other dweebs in the country who went into it too, and you will therefore be affiliated with dweeb X and not school X because it is the people that matter or don't matter as the case may be.

In any event, I really (my opinion only) would not factor in the name of a residency program one iota!

[DCJenn]

Re: grrrr....

Damn- I just lost my post.

Ok, reality number one that hubby needs to understand:

He doesn't get a choice. He gets the illusion of choice. Very important distinction.

We have plenty of people here who gun for spot #1 on the match list only to be stunned when they get spot #X. We have people here whose spouses didn't match and had to scramble. We have FMG spouses who sit on pins and needles after completing additional 800 trees worth of paperwork.

There is no control.

He needs to interview where he 'thinks' he will fit in, and if you can go- do it. Don't let him walk away from possibilities based on reputation though. We know lots of people with namebrand residencies and in the real world, it pretty much doesn't matter to patients.

But, not to worry, we'll get you through it, as we have the other few thousand members we've had over the years.

Jenn

[bahama_mama]

Re: grrrr....

He doesn't get a choice. He gets the illusion of choice. Very important distinction.

Thanks for the advice! He's looking for a job (finished w/ fellowship next June) so, he's got alot of control over where we end up - not like the match.

[Michele]

Re: grrrr....

For match - no choice

For job - I get all the say!!!

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Re: grrrr....

DH is also an MS3, and we have been talking a lot about match lists, aways, etc. Basically, we are making a list of less-negotiables: low COL, "easy" city for me to be in, ability to live close to hopsital without being in the ghetto, program that historically gives residents a good experience. Those programs go to the top of the list. The more things "wrong", the lower it goes.

I, however, am fully aware of the illusion of the match, and am willing to go anywhere in the country!

[rainbabies]

Re: grrrr....

i get 99% of the say...as long as the say isn't west virginia.