Evening time blues

[spotty_dog]

Re: Evening time blues

If I'm having a "down" night when he's on call, I usually go to the grocery store and treat myself to some cheap sushi rolls for dinner, or make myself some popcorn.

Ha, that was pretty much exactly my call-night ritual! Except swap the sushi for a glass of wine most of the time.

[alison]

Re: Evening time blues

Yum, cabbage rolls....

We don't have kids, but I don't like eating alone (who does?). I'm a big sucker, and wait around until my dh comes home.... (this usually includes unhealthy snacking) I spend a ton of time with friends when dh is on call. I've been known to call around to ask what my single friends are eating for dinner and if they want someone to "keep them company."

It's got to be much harder with kids to please.

[Thirteen]

Re: Evening time blues

MS3 was REALLY REALLY brutal.
I know you have kids, and I know those rotations can be killer, but... it's not selfish to ask for what you need.
Try telling him you feel lonely, and then suggesting simple ideas that he might be able to do.
Like a text message or a call (these can be rare, but they're treasured).

Or my favorite --

Leave a notepad and a writing utensil for him, and drop subtle hints about how a note from him really makes your day. If he writes them in his "spare" time, you can save them to be read at crucial, lonely moments.

That really helped me

Re: Evening time blues

I'd settle for a phone call, on my birthday...which is today. And it is a call day. And he hasn't even called yet. Tried him, but phone is dead. <sigh>. Good thing I'm pretty low maintenance about birthdays...although a phone call would be nice.

[McPants]

Re: Evening time blues

I'd settle for a phone call, on my birthday...which is today. And it is a call day. And he hasn't even called yet. Tried him, but phone is dead. <sigh>. Good thing I'm pretty low maintenance about birthdays...although a phone call would be nice.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Kymalu!

:happybirthday:

Re: Evening time blues

Leslie Happy Birthday! The real worst part of third year IMO isn't the hours, it's being thrown into the system you were told about but didn't understand (and even as a medical student they don't fully get it, or get the brunt of the situation). It takes a while to get into the rhythm of things. They do figure it out, and get less worried about offending a resident or attending, and learn they can actually take a second to make phone calls. DH did, and I'd look at the phone and see 45 seconds shown on the phone for how long we talked - but really it made all the difference in the world. In the beginning of third year DH was really worried about getting written up badly on rotations that he was less inclined to make time, or ask for time to do this or that. He'll get more comfortable over the next two years, but don't expect much on rotations in the specialty they are wanting to do, because for most of us our DH's threw themselves into those rotations, asking for more work, staying way later than other medical students. It'll get better, really. And if he doesn't loosen up on his own, gently let him know what little things you'd like to keep, like quickie phone calls. They sometimes lose their sense of gravity in the middle of all the craziness.

Hope you get some cake tonight. Have your kiddos help decorate cupcakes or a cake tonight, they'll get a kick out of it, and you can feel a little festive at home - that is if you don't have plans.

[MrsK]

Re: Evening time blues

Or my favorite --

Leave a notepad and a writing utensil for him, and drop subtle hints about how a note from him really makes your day. If he writes them in his "spare" time, you can save them to be read at crucial, lonely moments.

That really helped me

Never mind subtle hints. Dr. K told me once that men don't pick up on subtle cues so you have to be direct. Tell him what you need. Ask him for notes, or hugs, or text messages. Or I ask Dr. K to "tell me something that I did that made you happy today." (This can backfire if you made his day miserable but Dr. K can usually come up with something. And I'm always surprised by what he comes up with.) Also, this works both ways. Give him a hug, text, or quick note. He'll be more inclined to reciprocate if he sees how it is done and you'll feel good about doing these things. Each of these things only take a second but they really do help.

Re: Evening time blues

Oh, I definitely needed a group hug

My fiance's been gone since late August -- first a month in the Midwest for an away rotation, now a month in the southwest on an Indian reservation. And then he'll be gone all of December too, interviewing for residencies.

I'm lonely. Nights feel pretty long. I keep busy, exercise, do chores, and have been known to spend hours surfing the web for places to live in the various cities we might land for his residency...and I still try and cook as I normally would, and just take leftovers to work. No kiddos to feed, so that makes it easier.

I wouldn't want to take these away experiences away from him - they've been really positive ones - but three months feels really long right now. We decided to elope in November, so the next time I see him, I'll be marrying him. And then we'll part ways for another month! Sigh.

[ladymoreta]

Re: Evening time blues



I hope things get better for you after December. That is a brutal schedule! Congratulations in advance on your marriage!

[MrsK]

Re: Evening time blues

Oh, I definitely needed a group hug

My fiance's been gone since late August -- first a month in the Midwest for an away rotation, now a month in the southwest on an Indian reservation. And then he'll be gone all of December too, interviewing for residencies.

I'm lonely. Nights feel pretty long. I keep busy, exercise, do chores, and have been known to spend hours surfing the web for places to live in the various cities we might land for his residency...and I still try and cook as I normally would, and just take leftovers to work. No kiddos to feed, so that makes it easier.

I wouldn't want to take these away experiences away from him - they've been really positive ones - but three months feels really long right now. We decided to elope in November, so the next time I see him, I'll be marrying him. And then we'll part ways for another month! Sigh.

Wow. Hang in there. That's got to be rough.