Now what, I wonder

[Thirteen]

Paul hasn't had any interview invites for his 2nd yr. position in Anesthesia.
He's called about 30 programs, and encountered lots of voicemail. Seems a little down about it - I would be too if I hadn't heard any good news.
It's becoming more apparent that for him, it's either this or something else outside of medicine.
He says he'd finish his family med residency, work and then go to school at night.
Quite frankly, it's scary.

With all the debt from med school, he wants to take on more debt? I want to be able to continue my education also, and maybe do another degree. But I don't think it would be smart to be buried into debt (his and hers). I talked to him about it, and painted the positive side, but he seems pretty jaded and disappointed. (We did this last year when he didn't get into his first choice).

What did you do if/when your SO didn't get their first choice?
What do you do if they don't get in AGAIN??

Thanks! :anyolne:

[MrsK]

Re: Now what, I wonder

Paul hasn't had any interview invites for his 2nd yr. position in Anesthesia.
He's called about 30 programs, and encountered lots of voicemail. Seems a little down about it - I would be too if I hadn't heard any good news.
It's becoming more apparent that for him, it's either this or something else outside of medicine.
He says he'd finish his family med residency, work and then go to school at night.
Quite frankly, it's scary.

With all the debt from med school, he wants to take on more debt? I want to be able to continue my education also, and maybe do another degree. But I don't think it would be smart to be buried into debt (his and hers). I talked to him about it, and painted the positive side, but he seems pretty jaded and disappointed. (We did this last year when he didn't get into his first choice).

What did you do if/when your SO didn't get their first choice?
What do you do if they don't get in AGAIN??

Thanks! :anyolne:

Don't obess about getting Paul's first choice. In the case of Dr. K, I'm surprised if he gets his last choice. (He's brilliant but never gets the breaks. . . didn't match in any residency program, didn't match in the scramble, but got a wonderful internship at the 11th hour. Believe me, we've had enough anxiety in the first 6 months of our marriage to last a lifetime.) Give yourself over to the fates. There is little you can control so you just have to decide that you'll be happy with your lot. Just be proud of him. Be supportive. Whatever happens will be for the best. . . I know that's hard to do but it's really the best you can do.

[MrsK]

Re: Now what, I wonder

DO you really mean that your dh would finish a residency and THEN change careers because he didn't get anesthesia? When you say first choice do you mean program or specialty? Not to sound bitchy but I would give my dh a resounding "HELL NO" if we went through med school, residency, and then chose to change careers because he wasn't happy with his "second choice". :huh: Maybe I read your post wrong. Has your dh talked to an adviser about getting into anesthesia?

I'm with you on this one. At one point, Dr. K was talking about going back to school to get a masters degree. I coulda killed him.

BTW, family medicine is not the end of the world. My brother is a family pratictioner. He has his own pratice, his wife who is a nurse works in his office, and the kids hang out there all the time. He's the only family pratitioner in the county -- the family doctor is a dying pratice but is valued in the communities they serve.

[Vishenka69]

Re: Now what, I wonder

Has he considered casting a wider net? Is it more important to be in the right location or to do anesthesia? The programs on the coasts tend to be more competitive than in other parts of the country. The middle has much lower COL and excellent universities for you to pursue your dreams.

[Thirteen]

Re: Now what, I wonder

To be a little clearer:

Yes, he's all balls out there. We're talking 50 programs, and he's thinking about adding some more.
Last year, he applied to Family and Anesthesia - the A's were his first choices, but he got paired with F instead. His program right now treats him so well though, and he really likes it (just doesn't want to be a family doc ultimately).
To be encouraging, I told him to start applying to "the cold places" too. *laugh*
It's hard sometimes to convince the CA lifers to consider a change in climate.

At this point, he'll go anywhere he can get in for Anesthesia.
I can tell he's willing to go to any program and live anywhere for it.
I just wanted to make sure I'm being encouraging and empathetic.

[ladymoreta]

Re: Now what, I wonder

That's scary. Has he had rejections, or just no contact from programs? If he hasn't heard anything, it wouldn't hurt to contact the application company (ERAS?) and make sure they got everything. I really hope he gets into an anesthesia program this year. It sounds like if he doesn't, he's willing to keep working in family medicine until he pays off his loans, right? That is good. Maybe he could find a specialty of FM he'd like better, or maybe after paying off his loans he could re-apply? It would stink to go through residency again, but as someone who has been unhappy in my field for the past 4+ years, I couldn't imagine doing something as demanding as being a doctor if you didn't like it.

It sounds like he's taking this really hard, and he's going to need your support a lot right now, especially if he doesn't get interviews or accepted. Just keep assuring him that you love him, and you'll be glad to become his wife, no matter what he decides. His self-worth is so tied up into this - he's dedicated at least the past 8+ years to it (college and medical school) - so he's probably not feeling like he's worthy of you or anything else right now.

[madeintaiwan]

Re: Now what, I wonder

I can't speak for certain for anesthesia but I know for ortho it is known that there are programs that will not grant repeat applicants interviews. I agree with others that if ALL he wants to do is anesthesia then he has to be willing to go ANYWHERE. We are from CA and had to leave for medical school and are still in the midwest for residency. Also, I am curious why he applied for FM if he knew he really wanted to do gas. E had the same mind about ortho and only applied ortho, in the event he didn't match he would have done a prelim year or a research year and apply again. Will his year in FM count or will he have to still do 4 years? I heard that it can sometimes be a turn off when it seems like the applicant isn't bent on one specialty. Did he not try to switch into the anesthesia program at the hospital he is already at? It is too early to panic in regards to invites unless he has already received 50 rejections. Best of luck to you guys. Hope you hear some good news soon.

[alison]

Re: Now what, I wonder

Has he considered casting a wider net? Is it more important to be in the right location or to do anesthesia? The programs on the coasts tend to be more competitive than in other parts of the country. The middle has much lower COL and excellent universities for you to pursue your dreams.

Ditto - has your dh checked with anesthesia where he is right now? That might be an option. If they don't have a CA-1 opening for your dh next year, they might know of places that will.

[Vishenka69]

Re: Now what, I wonder

Another idea is for him to talk to all his friends in other hospitals, regardless of which program they're in. They might be able to talk to anesthesia at their place and see if anyone has any spots or is thinking about taking one more. He should also start calling some programs directly (the ones he REALLY wants).

[alison]

Re: Now what, I wonder

Another idea is for him to talk to all his friends in other hospitals, regardless of which program they're in. They might be able to talk to anesthesia at their place and see if anyone has any spots or is thinking about taking one more. He should also start calling some programs directly (the ones he REALLY wants).

Exactly, get the word out that you're looking.

[MathMum]

Re: Now what, I wonder

Not to sound bitchy but I would give my dh a resounding "HELL NO" if we went through med school, residency, and then chose to change careers because he wasn't happy with his "second choice".

Would it be wrong for me to agree with this??

My DH is stuck in the medical field if he likes it or not! Thankfully, he likes it. If he didn't, I think I'd go batty!

Re: Now what, I wonder

After the debt of medical school I couldn't imagine my MD BF deciding not to go through with it. I was in optometry school and thankfully got out before I got in too deep. Anethesia is so competitive perhaps a back-up plan would be a good idea. My cousin's fiance just got accepted to the program at the University of Kentucky hospital. I think it helped that this is where he went to school.

[Thirteen]

Re: Now what, I wonder

To answer questions and give an update:

-The SO and I both applied to SoCal programs only last year (not telling each other it was really so we could stay together in the same place, as we weren't that far along in our relationship, but knew we wanted to be with one another ). We've been together for a while now, and plan on getting married, so we'll both be mobile to go anywhere (I finish my MA in SPRING 09).
-He applied to FM to ensure he could stay: there aren't that may SoCal Anest. residencies.
-I think he sees Anest. as a way to provide financially moreso, but still have a family life: he loves Anest., but also enjoys FM.

Some wise ass in the hospital told him he needs to make an extra 200k to survive.
Now, his fears of provision have been kicked into overdrive.
"Babe, who makes 200k extra income? Really?"

The upswing:
-He has an interview in Temple, PA.
-He has a couple other interviews in other places.

How do I support him/calm fears on this?

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Now what, I wonder

How do I support him/calm fears on this?

"I love you, I support you, and whatever happens, it will be OK." and then act like that--be confident NOT that he will get to do whatever he likes, but that, however it turns out, you are together and he WILL be doing medicine.

My experience in life has been that if your focus is on the right priorities (family, marriage, doing good, etc.), then HOW you do that falls into place, no matter the circumstances. God gives you everything you need, even if you disagree with the specifics.