need some encouragment

OK, you get to keep the fabulous job near your home & your family/friends; but you lose the guy because you won't move to be near him and the separation is just too much. On the other hand, you leave everything nearest & dearest behind, to follow him to the ends of the earth in pursuit of his next great opportunity. That doesn't seem right either. ooohhh... what a complicated web we weave...."

Isn't this so true, it's what I'm struggling with now. My bf is interviewing for residency and doesn't have many choices. I am also going to be applying to medical school for the fall of 2004. How will I ever choose IF I get accepted somewhere halfway across the country from the person I want to be with for the rest of my life!!!!? I truly believe that I need BOTH a great guy and career that I love to be happy. What a terribly "random" process this is, all I can say is I hope everything works out. And as many other people mentioned, when it comes down to it, he really doesn't have the last say in where he'll end up. I guess just try to find the good things about places you could eventually end up and keep communicating with your SO.

"

OK, you get to keep the fabulous job near your home & your family/friends; but you lose the guy because you won't move to be near him and the separation is just too much. On the other hand, you leave everything nearest & dearest behind, to follow him to the ends of the earth in pursuit of his next great opportunity. That doesn't seem right either. ooohhh... what a complicated web we weave...."

Isn't this so true, it's what I'm struggling with now. My bf is interviewing for residency and doesn't have many choices. I am also going to be applying to medical school for the fall of 2004. How will I ever choose IF I get accepted somewhere halfway across the country from the person I want to be with for the rest of my life!!!!? I truly believe that I need BOTH a great guy and career that I love to be happy. What a terribly "random" process this is, all I can say is I hope everything works out. And as many other people mentioned, when it comes down to it, he really doesn't have the last say in where he'll end up. I guess just try to find the good things about places you could eventually end up and keep communicating with your SO.

"

OK, you get to keep the fabulous job near your home & your family/friends; but you lose the guy because you won't move to be near him and the separation is just too much. On the other hand, you leave everything nearest & dearest behind, to follow him to the ends of the earth in pursuit of his next great opportunity. That doesn't seem right either. ooohhh... what a complicated web we weave...."

Isn't this so true, it's what I'm struggling with now. My bf is interviewing for residency and doesn't have many choices. I am also going to be applying to medical school for the fall of 2004. How will I ever choose IF I get accepted somewhere halfway across the country from the person I want to be with for the rest of my life!!!!? I truly believe that I need BOTH a great guy and career that I love to be happy. What a terribly "random" process this is, all I can say is I hope everything works out. And as many other people mentioned, when it comes down to it, he really doesn't have the last say in where he'll end up. I guess just try to find the good things about places you could eventually end up and keep communicating with your SO.

"

OK, you get to keep the fabulous job near your home & your family/friends; but you lose the guy because you won't move to be near him and the separation is just too much. On the other hand, you leave everything nearest & dearest behind, to follow him to the ends of the earth in pursuit of his next great opportunity. That doesn't seem right either. ooohhh... what a complicated web we weave...."

Isn't this so true, it's what I'm struggling with now. My bf is interviewing for residency and doesn't have many choices. I am also going to be applying to medical school for the fall of 2004. How will I ever choose IF I get accepted somewhere halfway across the country from the person I want to be with for the rest of my life!!!!? I truly believe that I need BOTH a great guy and career that I love to be happy. What a terribly "random" process this is, all I can say is I hope everything works out. And as many other people mentioned, when it comes down to it, he really doesn't have the last say in where he'll end up. I guess just try to find the good things about places you could eventually end up and keep communicating with your SO.

OOPS, so sorry about the multiple posts!!!!

matching

Good luck, it is tough when your SO is in a very competitive specialty. Just to let you know what worked for us. I need to be in a big city for my work. My husband chose internal medicine over urology to give us more geographical flexibility (he liked both). Then I chose five cities I would be willing to relocate to and I ranked those cities. He chose which programs he wanted to apply to in the cities (and in one case I ended up adjusting one of my top three cities to number 5 because he hated all the programs in that city). This worked EXTREMELY well for us. My view is doctors can get great training in a lot of different programs, relocating for someone (probably multiple times!) is a huge burden, and if I was going to relocate I was at least going to be someplace I was interested in living and could work! We love the city we moved to for residency. Now, we are considering fellowships and my husband really wants to do gastroenterology (very competitive). For my career, I want to transition into university teaching. Basically, we are at a stalemate: he doesn't want to apply to gastroenterology fellowships and wants to put it off so I can go on the teaching market; I want him to apply to the GI programs since he has been so damn nice about the residency stuff! Now, please don't get the wrong impression, we have our fights and have worried over logistics to no end and neither of us is perfect. But, over the early years of our marriage we developed trust in each other. I know that he is willing to sacrifice for me and to support me - - that makes it ALOT easier to do the same for him. It sounds to me that what is bothering you is that your future husband might not be willing to sacrifice for you down the line. I think you need to do some soul-searching on this. As a side note, I do think you need to protect your own interests and make sure that even if you move you are actively cultivating your own career, friends, family, etc. And, perhaps the two of you can forge some compromise - - for example, agree that after his training you have the primary say in choosing where the two of you will settle.