Graduation Dinner

[HouseofWool]

Since graduation runs from 4-6 pm we made reservations for dinner for everyone at a local brew pub. The million dollar question is who pays for the night out. We are looking at approximately 30 people coming to see DH graduate and the tab for dinner could easily run $500 plus, way more than we can afford on our student budget.

On one had I feel like we are hosting and should pay, but there is no way we can foot the bill for it.

[SuzySunshine]

When we did DH's graduation dinner it was just family so DH's parents paid for his side and my parents paid for mine. How was the invitation worded? I suspect with that many people surely people won't expect you pay...

[MrsK]

If you are set on hosting, I'd suggest a different venue. Perhaps a party at home or in your yard. Something more affordable for you.

[diggitydot]

My saint of a FIL treated everyone (our family of 5, my mom, DH's mom and her new husband and their daughter), to a great dinner at a nice restaurant. It was VERY nice of him. But I also think it was a little bit of an "in your face" to DH's mom, who's a bit of a beeyotch.

Got any in-law exes who want to show off for each other?

I would never assume that the inviters are paying for something like that. Maybe you should say "We've reserved some space at a local restaurant if you'd like to join us." Not - "Please come to dinner."

[DCJenn]

If I got an invitation to the local brew pub for a graduation dinner, I'd assume the person doing the inviting was paying and I'd probably be ticked if once arriving I was told that it was on me instead.

Specify in advance or do something at home!

Jenn

[Deebs]

Any chance you can simplify your plans? We did a picnic-type party where I could make all of the food ahead of time. It was very affordable and easy. I would also assume that if a party was being hosted at a restaurant, the tab would be provided for by whomever did the inviting.

[madeintaiwan]

That's a tough one. Every graduation dinner I have ever been to has been paid for by the host or a parent. We had two separate dinners for DH's med school grad because his parents don't get along and his parents paid for both the dinners. One of them had about 15 people at it. When DH graduated from college, since it was in the town my parents lived, my step dad had asked me if he should pay for it. Depends on how your peoples roll. Whether or not if it's tradition that the "grown ups" pay for things or if everyone fends for themselves. Both my parents and DH's mom have always paid for things, even if we bring friends along. If you have to pay, I would suggest a BBQ. Although depending on what you serve and how many people you invite, that can get expensive too. I had a BBQ for my college graduation and I remember my mom saying that it was about $1200 but we had over 50 people and served ribeye and new york steak. BBQs are nice because people usually bring dishes. My cousin in law threw a big party at a restaurant for my cousin's 30th bday and on the evite he mentioned that he needed to know who was coming for reservations by a certain date and that the cost was $25 a person.

[HouseofWool]

I would prefer to do something like a picnic but there is no easy way to do it logistically. By the time we would get everyone back to our place it would be almost 7 pm and we will have 7 kids under the age of nine, including 2 infants. That and the weather this time of year is unpredictable at best. Because every single family is coming from out of town (many are from out of state) most are planning on leaving either Friday after dinner or Saturday AM so even something on Saturday afternoon won't work.

The dinner invitations were done via word of mouth. I am thinking that we may need to change plans to a pizza place where we could keep the food bill to about $300.00 instead of $500-600.00.

DiggityDot - I have in-law exes, but MIL chooses to be mean and spiteful and FIL doesn't have the extra money for something like this. DH's grandfather has the money, and I have a feeling he may offer to pay but I don't want to count on that.

I think the difference in my perception is that we don't have gatherings with parents. My mom is dead, my dad is ... useless, and dh's parents are (obviously) Indian, and I've only been to a restaurant with them a handful of times. Indian parents throw parties for 500 people (where all the women cook their assess off) they don't go to restaurants. When invited by someone of my peer group to go have dinner with them (even for an "event"), I never expect that they will be picking up the tab.

If it's as informal as "Hey Kris and X say they're heading to a restaurant afterwards." then why can't they also whisper "And remember, he's just graduating. They're broke, so it's Dutch."

I'm not proud.

[Meenah]

Do you have someone in the group that could discreetly call a few of the invitees (who would be willing & able) and suggest they alll pitch in to pay for the dinner. You can pretend like you didn't know! I know I could ask most of my siblings to make that phone call and they would gladly do it. Good l;ook and enjoy.

[HouseofWool]

If it's as informal as "Hey Kris and X say they're heading to a restaurant afterwards." then why can't they also whisper "And remember, he's just graduating. They're broke, so it's Dutch."

I'm not proud.

I'm not too proud either, amazing what $250K in debt will make us do. I am thinking that my family will pay for themselves without prompting and that we could ask DH's sister to spread the "we're broke" word.

We do have reservations because the odds of fitting 30 people in anywhere at 6:45 on a friday night are nil otherwise.

[Gwendolyn]

maybe...if you could swing it...you might say pitchers are on us. That would let everyone know they are on their own for food and fancy drinks, but you are able to contribute to a "hosted" party?

I think it is totally reasonable to expect everyone at a party that large at a resturant to cover themselves...honestly...I would expect to cover it, but I think every family is very different when it comes to this stuff.

[Flynn]

maybe...if you could swing it...you might say pitchers are on us. That would let everyone know they are on their own for food and fancy drinks, but you are able to contribute to a "hosted" party?

I think it is totally reasonable to expect everyone at a party that large at a resturant to cover themselves...honestly...I would expect to cover it, but I think every family is very different when it comes to this stuff.

I think this is a great suggestion.

I haven't read all the posts but since you are planning things I think it's reasonable for you to pay "some" of the bill -- of course it would be nice if a parent stepped up but not everyone's family does this I realize.

I think you might get yourself in trouble if you expect people to "get" that they need to pay. Can someone shoot the word around?

We had a joint party with 3 of his close friends from med school and our families. We paid for our families and everyone else paid for theirs. It was a HUGE expense that ended up being tacked on to his credit card. If you invite them to come (pick the venue and therefore set the cost) I would assume it is your tab unless previously arranged otherwise. For us (after all the money spent on books, exam fees, etc.) it was one thing that was memorable and definitely worth it.