Were you excited?

I am not a medical spouse yet since my husband will be applying for Med School next year but I can't help be excited. He loves medicine and I guess my excitement comes from finally being able to see him be close to something he wants so dearly. I have been with him since his first class in community college and have heard and seen the back and forth between MD, DO and Pharmacy. Now it feels so close like we could finally grasp it. Something that seemed so far away and now I can't help be excited that his dream is so close to becoming true.


However, I was wondering if only I am getting this feeling or if any other spouses felt like this when they were getting closer.

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[Flynn]

Hmmmm. Treading lightly here since I'm an old battleaxe compared to you.


Was I excited that my husband would like what he did...yes. I was excited about that to a point.

Was I excited that our lives were going to be completely at the mercy of his career choice for more than a decade -- nope. I wasn't so excited about that and I was GREEN. I HAD NO IDEA what the cost to us as a couple and us as eventual parents would be.

The cost of a medical training lifestyle is huge.

People who are NOT excited where you are now probably don't finish so that's a plus in your favor and I mean that sincerely.

Thank you so much! Of course I am not excited about the fact that he won't be spending time with me like we do now or the lifestyle we have now because we have two incomes. Just excited that he is finally going to get something that was so far at one point and even impossible a long time ago. The good thing is since the beginning we knew what we were getting ourselves into but I am excited to finally see him accomplish his goals.

[SuzySunshine]

I can't say that I was excited - neither of us knew what we were getting into. We were more excited to be graduating from undergrad, me with my first job and he going to medical school. That was all thrown into a tizzy when he got into a waitlist school at the last minute and moved 1/2 way across the country. I'm glad that he's found something he loves but I'm also glad that he realizes his family is just as important.

[GrayMatterWife]

I was really excited for him. He'd worked like a dog, and (frankly! with meaning to brag) a lot of programs were falling all over themselves to interview him, because he was a real contender as an MD-PhD candidate. It was so cool to see his work pay off for him.

[ladymoreta]

Hmm, I already answered on your intro post, but I'll repeat myself in more detail...

I was very excited for us both. It was really exciting to hear about his interviews, especially because I was interviewing for jobs at the same time. We were nervous because I'd gotten a couple of job offers in places he hadn't been accepted, and he was accepted in several places where I hadn't even been invited to interview for a job. We were really confident that somewhere would work out, though, and it did.

I was also really excited about the match. I know it sounds silly to be looking forward to some computer to tell me where I was going to live, but to be honest it was kind of fun to make and re-make the list as he went on interviews.

I think the moves weren't so bad for me because I've never been that crazy about any of my jobs. They've just been a way to pay the bills, not something I was dedicated to. I liked my coworkers at my second job during medical school, and I really miss my friends from Dallas, but I'm so much happier here in Oklahoma. But I can definitely understand how hard it would be for the spouses who are working on long-term careers, or on the families with children who have to deal with leaving their schools and friends.

[Vishenka69]

We were in college when we met, so I knew from day one that he's pre-med and will be applying. This was also back in the day when each school had it's own paper application that had to be typed up on a typewriter. Guess who did the typing. By the end of 18th application, my attitude was, "he better get in somewhere because I'm sure as hell not doing this again." Then he had to interview upstate on my birthday, so we didn't get to celebrate until two days later. I should have seen it as a clue of what's to come.

Don't let me get you down though. Excitement is good. Good luck to your DH with the application process.

[DCJenn]

He was already in medical school when we met but I was pretty psyched to move. and not coincidentally, that was the best move we ever had.

I will say that I'm proud of him and how he's busted his ass since enlisting in the Army at age 18 to achieve his goal, but pretty much residency, fellowship, and deployment sucked any actual excitement from my soul.

I'm very excited about my three hour spa package that I got for Mother's day though. I'm giddy at the thought.

[MarissaNicole]

I was very excited when DH got in medical school although it was bitter sweet because I was attending law school at the other end of the state (he did not get into the medical school that was closer to me) so we spent the year of our engagement 7 hours apart... but with that being said I was still very excited that DH was finally starting the long hard road toward his goal!

I think it is great (and important) that you are excited because it isn't an easy road so you need to celebrate and be excited for your DH's accomplishments, they will help make the journey more worthwhile. It is also important to give your self credit for being a supportive spouse because I think that spouses do really help get their significant other through it! So even though you aren't the one who will be getting the M.D. or the D.O. doesn't mean you won't be instrumental in the process!

But being that you are going to be a medical spouse be prepared to "let go and let God" - I am a control freak but that has been my (forced) motto since I realized how little control I have over my life being married to a future doctor. Accepting this will make the process a lot easier! Also remember that it isn't easy and if it was everyone would do it!

[Pollyanna]

I was excited that we were not going to have to move our family out of state. I was very proud of dh but trepidacious about the journey.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I'm excited for him but I'm just at the start of this journey. He hasn't gone into core rotations yet and he is taking the boards in June.

I'm not excited we don't live in the same state 50% of the time but that's my fault too.

I will say that SO FAR, it's been easier than I expected. I do not expect that to continue as he gets into the harder part. The first 2 years of med school are what the student can control so it's easier or harder depending on your SO desire to study. After that, all bets are off. DF got off easier because he's scarily brillant and was homeschooled so he's able to study in about 1/2 the time as everyone else because he can focus instead of playing on facebook, gchat, etc. Once his life is controlled by residents, etc. (about 8 weeks), I'm pretty sure it will never be the same. But I'm hopeful!

I do not expect that to continue as he gets into the harder part. The first 2 years of med school are what the student can control so it's easier or harder depending on your SO desire to study. After that, all bets are off. ..... Once his life is controlled by residents, etc. (about 8 weeks), I'm pretty sure it will never be the same. But I'm hopeful!

That is a very, very realistic view of it. You're spot on.

[peggyfromwastate]

The good thing is since the beginning we knew what we were getting ourselves into but I am excited to finally see him accomplish his goals.

Not to be a downer here, but we knew too. My dad's a doctor, I thought I totally was prepared to be the spouse... And I wasn't.

I wasn't excited at the start, but I was tolerant and accepted that I chose to marry this man knowing his aim was medical school all along. I was excited to marry him, but secretly hoped he'd choose to not go the medical route. I don't regret marrying him, but sometimes he regrets going the medical route.

It's just a lot of years of surviving, that's all. You feel like your life has stalled... It's really hard to feel like it's OK to be in a holding pattern for a decade so that he can live his dream...

I'm sorry to be so raw... We're coming up on 10 years of marriage now, and looking back I'm just so astounded at how much everything has changed. Especially my own confidance and my own feeling of value to society, etc., etc.

Sigh... Everyone's experience is different, though! So take it for what it's worth...

[GreyhoundsRUs]

My experience has most closely mirrored Peggy's in that my best friend's (since grade school) dad is a doctor, and his mom HATES it...so I heard a lot about the bad sides of the Dr-ing route. When DH and I met, we were still in college, and with his dad being a Dr as well, I have heard mostly bad my whole life.

Overall (we're only finishing MS3 right now), I have had nothing less than I expected, but expecting and being able to deal are two different things. I get really bummed when I have to go to things myself - especially family holidays because then I feel like I'm back in HS, not a married woman with a career. For me, though, I get a sick pleasure in telling my mom that we won't be celebrating (insert holiday here - like Memorial Day) becuase DH is working. It makes her so angry Stupid woman...whole other rant for a whole other day...

Like others have said - I love him for so many reasons that this lifestyle was not a deal-breaker...but it is for many!

[Bittersweet]

I was more scared than excited. However, I lean that way naturally and I don’t think DH’s path was typical. He had graduated from college years prior and had been working as a software engineer/programmer for 5 years when he came home one spring day with plans to attend medical school. He took the MCAT that summer and received his first acceptance in December. It all happened very fast, required a substantial lifestyle downgrade and it felt like we were betting the farm on a whim.

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had let go and allowed myself to be excited at that moment. Medical school was fine and DH hasn’t experienced regret (yet …). I should have saved all that angst and panic for the transition from student to resident.