Commuter Spouse to medschool?

[MarissaNicole]

Congrats! I think that is a great idea to try commuting and keep an open mind.

My husband and I spent the year we were engaged (his first year of medical school) seven hours apart at different schools ... and then right after we got married we were both still in school (I transfered for my final semseter of law school and he was in his second year of medical school) we lived in a town between the two schools and both commuted an hour each way every day (so this was a bit different because we commuted daily) but it was very tough on both of us considering the long days in both medical and law school. Luckily we only had to do it for five months....

So we've done both and its not easy but doable... Congrats again - its a tough but rewarding journey!

Sounds like a good plan - let us know how it works out.

So far so good. We have a place lined up, possession on July 1. We'll all go down together in mid-July to move her in, so the kids feel connected to the space. There's enough room for all 5 of us to stay a couple of days. And we have more confirmation about the program scheduling: generally no classes before noon Monday or after noon Friday, so potentially we could have more weekend time than we thought with commuting.

(At least in the early part of the blocks?)

A lot of what the more experienced posters said in their responses to another thread (Were You Excited?) rings very true for me, and we haven't even started the first year yet (MS0! W00t!). Especially peggy:

It's just a lot of years of surviving, that's all. You feel like your life has stalled... It's really hard to feel like it's OK to be in a holding pattern for a decade so that he can live his dream... ... Especially my own confidance and my own feeling of value to society, etc., etc.

That's pretty much exactly what I'm worried about, for myself.

Serendipity: a friend just posted this as her facebook status: "It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing."

And on the one hand, I want to support my wife in making that happen. That must be true or we wouldn't have gotten here. She took Organic Chemistry and the MCAT in the year that our youngest two were 1 year old. She's starting med school 2 months after their third birthday. That wouldn't have been possible if we weren't both working towards making it happen.

But I want to know: when will I get to follow MY dreams? And when will I actually have dreams again?

[fluffhead]

It sounds like things are working out. I'm glad you've found a comfortable place to stay.

But I want to know: when will I get to follow MY dreams? And when will I actually have dreams again?

Others might disagree, but in my experience, my dreams have had to be adjusted to fit my reality.

It sounds like things are working out. I'm glad you've found a comfortable place to stay.



Others might disagree, but in my experience, my dreams have had to be adjusted to fit my reality.

Heh. Sounds very reasonable.

[DCJenn]

You mean you all didn't dream of one day being married to a dawkter?

Sam, Sam, Sam, our Canadian friend- congratulations, your dreams are officially on hold.

You know how you pack away clothes for a bit of time and you actually like them at the time you put them away? and then you drag them out for some reason and you find that they don't fit right and you don't really like them anymore? and so then you give them away and get new clothes? That's the metaphor for the dreams and aspirations of the medical spouse.

Jenn

[fluffhead]

You know how you pack away clothes for a bit of time and you actually like them at the time you put them away? and then you drag them out for some reason and you find that they don't fit right and you don't really like them anymore? and so then you give them away and get new clothes?

Don't forget the part that when you take the clothes out they're all moldy and moth-eaten.

[HouseofWool]

Others might disagree, but in my experience, my dreams have had to be adjusted to fit my reality.

Ditto. Honestly - so much of what I want is out the window.

[HouseofWool]

You mean you all didn't dream of one day being married to a dawkter?

Sam, Sam, Sam, our Canadian friend- congratulations, your dreams are officially on hold.

You know how you pack away clothes for a bit of time and you actually like them at the time you put them away? and then you drag them out for some reason and you find that they don't fit right and you don't really like them anymore? and so then you give them away and get new clothes? That's the metaphor for the dreams and aspirations of the medical spouse.

Jenn

On hold or deleted?

[MarissaNicole]

Okay its definitately not easy - and perhaps I am too young in the process or too naive - but I really don't think its that bad... I still intend on having goals and dreams... and afterall isn't sacrifice supposed to be a part of marriage, its not about you or me anymore its about US? I am sure most of you are teasing... but I just think we should be a bit more encouraging for someone so new to the process!

And don't get me wrong I am sure I will be complaining a TON when DH starts residency... but when he is busy with that I think that is even more reason for me to engulf myself in my goals and things that make me happy in order to keep myself distracted....

And for all of you who did sacrifice your goals and dreams for your spouse well you deserve a huge pat on the back and you need to realize that your spouse's accomplishments are YOUR accomplishments too!

Like every little boy, I dreamed of growing up to be swept off my feet and marry a doctor... little did I know of the YEARS OF TOIL and SOUL-CRUSHING DESPAIR that I would endure. (Soon to be a major motion picture!)

No, this is good. This kind of constructive cynicism fits perfectly with my coping strategies.

Right now there are a lot of ups and downs. I'm expecting more. The kids are half ready for her to be gone already, and half crying about her being gone before she's already left. Ten weeks (or so -- I should get a ticker!) until MS1 starts. Once things get going I think we'll start to settle into a pattern.

[ides]

Welcome! I don't mean to sound discouraging but the medical journey is a long and very expensive one. I'm sure you and your dw wouldn't have worked toward it unless you were aware of the sacrifice. My dh is a non-traditional medical man who started med school at 28 and will be done with training at 40. I really don't encourage those of that age or older to start into medicine because the pay off is really far off and heck we'll be starting off with 1/4 mil in edu debt, no savings or possesions of any value at 40. It just feels old to me to be starting out. When we started this journey I was like, well it will be worth it in the end and it is the right field for dh but it's totally cruel and evil punishment- this training. I'm sick of being poor and having my baby and myself be second place to 'the job'. It really is all encompasing and difficult to swallow at times. Guess you can see I'm not feeling so positive about this at this time. ha.

hijack over.

Like others, I would probably move. Gald to hear you have a plan Keep us posted!

My dreams are turning out okay though- I wanted to be a sahm and that is what I am.

[MrsK]

Your kids will be fine. They are small and their memories are short. My DH keeps telling me he's glad our children will be so little (he'll be done by the time the oldest, God-willing, is 4) when he's in residency because they won't be angry with him for missing little league.

Like every little boy, I dreamed of growing up to be swept off my feet and marry a doctor... little did I know of the YEARS OF TOIL and SOUL-CRUSHING DESPAIR that I would endure. (Soon to be a major motion picture!)

No, this is good. This kind of constructive cynicism fits perfectly with my coping strategies.

Ooooh - I like you.

[rainbabies]

Ooooh - I like you.

i have no idea if i have responded to this thread or not...

welcome...and you'll def. fit right in around here.