Miffed at 2am, Yesterday

[Thirteen]

Hi everyone! We are days away from marrying (Sat), and everything is actually going pretty well. Everything, except this scenario from last night:

After assembling a huge corner unit Ikea wardrobe, I decided to just crash at our future residence with DF. I go to my apartment to grab our puppy, Titus, and come back (Titus is being crate trained, etc).
Around 1am, Titus whines to go out -- I take him out into the backyard, and am promptly met by a huge raccoon. I run inside, dragging the puppy and close the door (quietly). Puppy won't settle, makes noise. That's when I have an allergy attack and start coughing uncontrollably. DF is post-call, and trying to sleep, so I get this:

"Babe, can't you just take the puppy home?"
He then proceeds to start snoring, but wakes himself up doing so and is much crankier as I'm trying to quiet the puppy and my coughing. Now, he was civil, but I had been trying so hard to stop coughing/making noise/quiet the puppy that I was at a loss for patience. So Titus and I just left, and went home for good.

Now, the forward story: It really pissed me off that I was trying and he was still short with me. In less than a week, I can't just "take the puppy home..." and I feel like he needs to get over himself and just deal. The other thing I keep thinking about is -- hey, eventually we are going to have screaming infants, what then?
I just felt disappointed because I was trying so hard.
I get that he's post-call and that I could have just slept at my apartment in the first place, but really, it wasn't all that loud. How should I approach this situation for discussion, so that I can explain how my feelings were hurt AND I was inconvenienced?

[DCJenn]

Just say it like you explained it in your post- you WERE trying.

If he's going to be cranky post-call you all might need to implement the "sleep elsewhere post-call" rule- lots of our fellow iMSNers spouses sleep in the guest room or on the couch when they're post call.

Jenn

[Thirteen]

Thanks Jenn!

[weeniegeniewife]

This IS great practice for when you two have kids. When you're woken up multiple times per night by a screaming infant, there's nothing else you can do but work through it together.

Have fun at the wedding! And post pics.

[Momo]

Jamie,what is this "together" you speak of???

[Vishenka69]

We had similar issues when we first got our cat back in med school. It took a few months for her to learn to sleep with us at night. Needless to say we fought almost every night during that time. Eight years later, DH loves the cat to pieces and doesn't even remember what happened back then.

Give it some time, your DH will learn to deal, the puppy will grow up into an obedient dog and the only one who'll remember any of it will be you.

[MrsK]

Moxie won't let DrK sleep post call. She runs between my office and the bedroom, barking at him to wake up. I try to lock her in the office with me. Last week, she *lied* to me. She pretended that she needed to go to the bathroom, then darted into the bedroom as soon as I let her out of the office. (She can push doors open but cannot pull them.)

Saturday, I thought it would help if I left while he was post call because then she wouldn't be confused. When I came home, he told me that she was still barking at him while I was gone. He's a pretty good sport about it (and unfortunately a light sleeper). I'm worried about them when he starts night float.

[alison]

Being post call is not an excuse for being grouchy. I won't have it. That said, my husband can sleep through just about anything.

[peggyfromwastate]

I have DH sleep on the couch when he's post call most of the time because his snoring is really bad then, since he's so tired, and when he's REALLY tired he's a really jerky sleeper-- he's actually thrown his arm across his body and hit me before...

I have no problem sending him to the couch!!!!

ETA: he was totally asleep when he hit me-- and when it's happened he's just gotten my back, but it's still not a nice way to wake up for me. But then I can't sleep when he's post call b/c of the sleeping anyway, so I'm usually awake and able to fend off the flying arms...

I had NO idea the wedding was so soon. Good luck with everything!!!

[diggitydot]

You are so sweet to give a shit if he's being a jerk. My DH is lucky to get much more than a grumpy "WTF ever" if he pulls that crap. Life doesn't stop simply because they're post call. All you can do is help mitigate noise, but give up trying to completely abate it. He'll get it...eventually.

[Thirteen]

All of you crack me up

"You'll be the only one who remembers it"
"You're sweet to actually care about being sensitive"
"Moxie barks at him post-call"

And the scariest (but probably truest): "What is this "together" that you speak of?"

UPDATE: He apologized today after he came home. Said he was really sorry for being insensitive, and I told him that I wasn't worried about myself, but HIM being awoken.
Solution -- crate for Titus, crate for Rhett; water in both so I don't have to let Rhett out of the bedroom to get a drink in the middle of the night, and Titus won't whine that Rhett is drinking something HE himself does not have access to.
DF came up with this all by himself, and went crate shopping this p.m. while I went to visit/watch horrible VH1 reality shows with my friend/ex-roomie and her Retrievers. Life is good!

Thanks guys

[Flynn]

Post call creates a mirad of issues the rest of the world doesn't have to deal with.
Trying to troubleshoot with grace when someone is bone tired is difficult.

Probably during our PGY6 year I had a set group of RULES for post call.

It really helped to be on the same page.

The major theme is the RULE BOOK was being a PITA makes Me hate medicine MORE.
He didn't want to increase my bitterness towards medicine so he tried very hard not to be an Asshat post call. He didn't always achieve that goal but his efforts were appreciated.

Dealing with a doc post call is similar to dealing with a two year old who has a fever, is hungry, AND annoyed all at the same time. It's big fun.