Surviving a long distance relationship!

S and I are currently in a lovely long distance relationship

Right now it is the only option... I am Canadian as is he, so there are different Visa stuff I would have to deal with to go to the US. I also have three kids from a previous relationship & currently live in the same town as their father, so I really want to nurture that relationship. And I am not sure what kind of visiting Visa I could get for them.

Anyway - I am just wondering if there are others out there doing the long distance thing? How did you get through it?

I am VERY busy with my children (6,5, & 3), so my days aren't spent sitting at home waiting for that text message or phone call. He is on away rotations right now and I have gone to visit him on two of the three and am probably going to head to Portland next week if all works out.

I guess this is hard on a good day when you're living in the same town, but residency starts next year and I am AFRAID!!

We both know in the end that we want to get married and start a life together... but I think the biggest challenge will be getting through the next year!!

Tell me I am not alone

[L.Jane]

J and I did a long distance relationship for a year while I was finishing my masters and he was in his first year of residency. It was really tough. I hate long distance relationships. I told J I would only do it for a year becuase I just don't believe you can really have a good relationship when in two different states, especially with J being a resident.

One of the things that really helped was the web cam. Just being able to see his smile on a bad day really helped. It made the distance a little less. Other then that and visits to see each other with lots of phone calls, nothing really helps.

Again, this is just my opinion. I really don't think there is anything good about a long distance relationship.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Not alone. I'm in Boston, fiance's in Cleveland in med school. I travel back and forth every two weeks. We're getting married in October, have been doing this for 2 years and will do it until he matches (another 2 years).

It's good and bad. Bad for the obvious reasons but good because he can really focus when I'm not there and then make time for me when I am. That will likely change as he starts third year but I can say it has not been as bad as I thought it would be.

We are taking it month by month.
So far we have seen each other FAR more than I thought we were going to be able to. I am in Northern B.C Canada - and he goes to school in Philadelphia. This is about a day of travel by plane to see each other! And the cost is only being avoided because I have a ton of airmiles (which are going to run out one of these days!)

I am going to have to convince him to do the webcam thing... then we can skype

I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that I can head to Portland in a week!

[DCJenn]

We were apart the entire time we dated but for maybe six weeks. It's doable. I liked having my own life.

Jenn

Jenn I REALLY enjoy having my own life too.
I consider myself a fairly independent individual, and have been living on my own with my kids for the past year and a half - enjoying it immensely. Going to see him has been very nice - and just perfect as far as I am concerned.

I think if we just keep our eye on the goal, then when we finally are "together" (cause Lord knows we won't be seeing a TON of each other) then we should be okay.

It's nice to see the success stories out there!

[DCJenn]

10th anniversary this spring!

I think it helps when you are 'older' (aka had a different life before meeting) because you really do have to figure out what parts of the old life stay and what parts go with. I had a fabulous thing going before I met him and it took some significant negotiation to figure out how we were going to make it through the dating phase.

I always said that we both had baggage but together it was a matched set.

Jenn

Jenn that's a really good way of putting it.
I have been through marriage/divorce and I really know what I want in life now - I think that really helps with my outlook on our relationship too.
I think I have a good idea of what it takes to make it work, it's just nice to know there are others who have also done it and were successful in making it work

[DCJenn]

there are a few of us who had a 'starter' marriage.

I left on great terms with my Ex but it was still a hard road back.

J.

Haha Putting it as a 'starter' marriage is good.
I have three kids from my first marriage - and S has never been married, but he is amazingly supportive of it all.

I wish I left on great terms with me ex... that's a whole 'nother story!

Jenn, I think you're really right about that. My fiance and I dated in highschool, broke up all through college, and got back together when he was in his third year of MS. It's nice not knowing what he was doing all those years and vice versa. We lived different lives with different people and now we're together and finding how to make it work for US.

We are taking it month by month.
So far we have seen each other FAR more than I thought we were going to be able to. I am in Northern B.C Canada - and he goes to school in Philadelphia. This is about a day of travel by plane to see each other! And the cost is only being avoided because I have a ton of airmiles (which are going to run out one of these days!)

I am going to have to convince him to do the webcam thing... then we can skype

I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that I can head to Portland in a week!

We're doing a long-distance thing -- I'm in Edmonton with the kids (nearly 6,3,3), she's in Calgary at school. It's not deathly bad, it's close enough to drive every weekend.

We looked for books about long-distance/commuter relationships before we started and didn't find much that was useful. There is a book called "The Commuter Marriage" but it's mostly pretty vanilla advice; since you've been doing it for a year and half you could probably write a better book than that already.

Skype video with a good webcam makes a huge difference. We wound up getting two little netbook PCs (the Acer Aspire - was $350 ea. at Costco) where the webcam and microphone are built in and the speakers aren't too terrible. Kind of just a dedicated videophone thing.

Do you have any advice for the rest of us?

[GrayMatterWife]

there are a few of us who had a 'starter' marriage.

I am in a starter marriage right now. My husband and I have a clear understanding: as soon as Mark Walberg realizes that I am the woman for him, I am leaving to live the life I was meant to have... I anticipate that call from Mark any moment now. Well, as soon as he is comfortable talking to me again, after our previous "misunderstanding"--what's one little restraining order between soul mate?

[scrub-jay]

I am in a starter marriage right now. My husband and I have a clear understanding: as soon as Mark Walberg realizes that I am the woman for him, I am leaving to live the life I was meant to have... I anticipate that call from Mark any moment now. Well, as soon as he is comfortable talking to me again, after our previous "misunderstanding"--what's one little restraining order between soul mate?

Oh Abigail, you crack me up...

I am in a starter marriage right now. My husband and I have a clear understanding: as soon as Mark Walberg realizes that I am the woman for him, I am leaving to live the life I was meant to have... I anticipate that call from Mark any moment now. Well, as soon as he is comfortable talking to me again, after our previous "misunderstanding"--what's one little restraining order between soul mate?

You absolutely kill me!

Advice... well I am getting by one day at a time. I think that's the best advice I can give.
- We try to see each other as often as possible.
- We make sure to have at least 30 minutes of "happy conversation" in the evening. Sometimes this is hard, but it has been SO good for us. Talk about life after med school, residency, fellowship... haha is there an end?
- Lots of texting. Lots of love!