I am crying I'm so relieved

[PrincessFiona]

hospitalists

Amy,

Wow...it sounds like he found a great group to practice in! I bet you guys are really excited about finally finishing resdency and moving on to 'real life'!!! I hope you'll forgive my pessimistic bs about hospitalists...I reread my post today and was sort of...shocked my negative attitude....would you consider blaming too much progesterone right now and giving me a new chance to present myself in a more friendly way? I apologize for being negative!!!!

Have you all found a house yet? As far as loans are concerned....Have you checked into the banks that have special physician-only mortgages? I can think of one in particular right now: Wachovia...they offer physician only (no down payment) loans in addition to their regular loans and their qualification criteria are different from those of other banks....you really have to shop around. We kind of got screwed with our first loan...fortunately we were able to refinance elsewhere after a year.

Here is the phone number to call Wachovia...(866) 577-8835 Be sure and ask about their physician loans...oh..and here is the url: http://www.wachovia.com/misc/0,,18,00.html

Kris

Kris

sending lots of email support

Amy,

It sounds like you have been contending with a very difficult situation.

My views differ a bit from others that have been expressed here. I think that if what you describe were to continue across your husband's career post-residency it may be somewhat outside of the norm of medical frustration and may suggest some rethinking about career path. Alternatively, it may suggest that he is indeed depressed and needs to address that - - otherwise, no job will be enjoyable.

Here is my experience. My husband is an internal medicine intern right now, which has to be pretty close to rock-bottom lifestyle-wise. He has definitely been overtired, frustrated, and angry at times. However, he finds his work exciting and challenging. He enjoys working with patients immensely. I can imagine him having bad working situations, rotations, etc. but he loves medicine and would do it all over again without hesitation. One factor that might influence this is that my husband went to medical school five years later than the average student so he had some other work experiences - - and some truly shitty jobs in his past to compare his present work to!

I think you and your husband should give things in a chance in practice. And, he should obviously try a couple of jobs if the first one doesn't work out and continue to seek a good "fit" in clinical practice. But, let's also consider the worst-case scenario: if the current trend continues. I am concerned that if it turns out your husband was pretty much unrelentingly miserable in medical school, internship, residency, and private practice that is a good indication that he is miserable in medicine (again, assuming any depression or unrealistic expectations for the "perfect" job have been addressed). Perhaps, he would feel less upset if the two of you came up with a five-year plan in which you would pay off his debt (this often can be done in five or seven years but you do need to continue to live like a resident
Then, if he has not found a good fit in clinical practice in that five-year window, he could consider a career change: business/executive careers related to medicine; work for pharm. companies, public health, non-clinical work in state/local government; locum tenens, retraining as a school teacher or other less stressful "helping" profession, etc. In fact, some of these positions pay more than clinical work and he may be able to consider them before paying off his loans. This long-term planning may require you to pick up more paying work, him to pick up more childcare, lifestyle changes etc. And, these changes may have to come incrementally in order to work with your family. But, better to have a content husband and happy marriage and less money, then to have this harm or even destroy your family life.

I also worry about the toll on you if your husband continues to be unhappy. I can't imagine taking on such a draining role as career coach, therapist, cheerleader, person pushing him out of bed in the morning, etc. My husband and I both work, don't have children yet, and have lived pretty modestly even when we could afford much more, so I know our financial situation is probably different. But, in my mind, my husband's career is his decision. He is a grown man and as long as he figures out some way to pay off his loans and to make some contribution to our living expenses, then his career decisions are his. Once we have paid off his loans, we certainly don't need a doctor's salary to meet our basic needs, though the lost investment is a bit depressing, I agree!

Good luck to your husband in finding his path and to you in dealing with these stresses.