Need to vent - resident keeps calling in sick

[v-girl]

So, there are quite a few parents in DH's residency program. There's even a married couple who have two children. Everyone knows by 3rd year of med school that you can't call in sick and if you have kids, you better have a back-up plan for when they get sick. And most of the residents in DH's program abide by that unwritten rule. But there is one, who happens to be married to a doctor, who does not. She doesn't have family in the area and when her kid is sick she calls in and screws things up for everyone else.

I understand it must be hard to not have family nearby to help out. But if she's a resident and her husband's a doctor, they can live with not-as-nice cars and get a freakin' nanny! DH had to do short call yesterday (was scheduled for it Tues and Thurs and starts night float Sun). I told him this better cover for him today or Thursday or he will have to speak up. She has done this so many times. The chiefs get on to her for it and then she brings on the waterworks to get everyone's sympathy (except DH's since he knows he has a pissed off wife at home because he had to cover for someone else).

I know it's hard being a working mother. I was one for years. But I also knew that my career would always take second place to his so I never tried for anything more than being a secretary/office manager. Yes, I'm sure I sound cold and heartless, but I had to get it out. I feel better now.

[Flynn]

Hey -- I'm totally with you. If one member of the couple is a doc already they have some funds to hire help. Counting on others to pick up the slack is not okay in my book. I'd be pissed if my spouse had to cover for a situation like this.

You don't call in sick when you're a resident. EVER.

I'm a firm believer that the whole "women can have the career and be a great mom" is a bit misleading. Yes it can be done and some do it well (I think a few on this site do it REALLY well...I'm in awe actually) but I think the majority find it a balancing act their whole life and I'm not sure it's worth that.


I call BS on the calling in sick at the expense of my spouse's time.

I'm an old jaded battleaxe though so take that with a grain of salt.

[v-girl]

Thank you for agreeing. She's done this to DH in the NICU and now in the PICU. The PICU at his hospital is full right now. I'm in shock that anyone would call in sick on either of those rotations. Ever.

The only time hubby has called in sick was on an elective/non-essential rotation and he was throwing up. Even then he considered having me drive him to the hospital so he could still work -- can't drive standard while puking. I refused. LOL

[ladymoreta]

I completely agree. There are many fields that offer that kind of flexibility, but medicine isn't one of them. There are lots of great moms who are residents, but they are great because they know how to take care of their kids' needs without doing so at the expense of other residents. If she can't learn to do this, then the program director should discuss it with her.

I am all for mothers having a choice of whether to stay at home or have a career, and I respect people who do a good job at whichever they choose. But people who make one choice, and try to live like they made the other just don't sit well with me. It makes it harder on the women who want to have children and a successful career because people start seeing the stereotype.

I'm a firm believer that the whole "women can have the career and be a great mom" is a bit misleading. Yes it can be done and some do it well (I think a few on this site do it REALLY well...I'm in awe actually) but I think the majority find it a balancing act their whole life and I'm not sure it's worth that.

I agree with this, especially as a single mother of three kids. To be the best of both is near impossible - particularly in medicine.

I would be pissed if my SO was continually picking up the slack because another resident is calling in sick - I didn't even know you were able to do that in residency!

A guess a few tears go a long way don't they

[Vishenka69]

I completely agree with you and would be pissed too. In DH's program anyone who called in sick got an extra Sat call. Needless to say he went in even when sick as a dog.

We know some dual resident couples and they all had nannies precisely for that reason.

[Thirteen]

Hey -- I'm totally with you.
You don't call in sick when you're a resident. EVER.

Very very true -- DH has been violently ill, on call, and stayed put. He has "the fear" of being in trouble if he decides to stay home.

[peggyfromwastate]

DH only gets sick time when the attendings tell him to go home. He always goes to work-- he's been sent home 2 times since starting this dream-life....

He did get some time off when DS was admitted just before Thanksgiving for his diabetes, but that was b/c the clinic was super light (who wants surgery right before the holidays?) and he wasn't taking call and he was checking in constantly with his coworkers. I feel so lucky he was able to be with us. He did take an extra day (a holiday- covered clinic for everyone, basically), so he tried to make up for it.

I totally agree with the idea that a dual medical career couple needs to hire a live-in nanny if they don't have other family nearby. It's just unacceptable to think that other doctors should work your shift b/c your kid got sick. It wouldn't fly with me, either.

[Phoebe]

I would be fuming! DH experienced this as a resident by a two doctor married couple who were in his program. First, the female was always sick during pregnancy and then their kid wound up sick all the time. DH was usually asked to cover them because they went to the same medical school. He was pulled off his electives to cover different units for these people who got all the sympathy in the world. She never had to make up her time either.

We weren't married at the time, but it ticked both of us off.

[Chrisada]

I'm surprised they are not making her make up the time. When DH had to fly out of town for the birth of our son and the death of my father, they made him make up for every day he was gone! I'd be pissed off too!

[oceanchild]

They don't have jeopardy call or anything?

I agree that this is one of those professions where everybody has to do their fair share, and that means making childcare arrangements, but I also wish the programs would do more to work out issues like this.

[Sheherezade]

This is a real issue beyond residency. I'm honestly conflicted. I mean....what is a woman to do? You fall in love and marry someone independent of their career. He becomes a doc....so you give up your dreams? Obviously someone has to take care of the kids. Why not him?

Seriously, though. DH didn't have trouble of this nature until he became an attending. Now, he's supportive of female colleagues with children but damn. It is a DRAIN on the schedule. Both the male partners with "traditional" wives end up doing more because the "can". Makes me feel like *I'm* contributing to the female-with-kids partner's success as a working mom - by sacrificing my own career so that my husband could be always available to cover for her. Major :grr: Why can't her hubby step up?? Or why can't she take the hit?

Of course, I support the idea that women can work and have kids. Some career tracks are not compatible with dual income couples both in demanding careers, though - and I'm not sure that they will be in our work life time.

I agree. Nanny or other solution. Sorry you are stuck.

[v-girl]

She had to do his short call today. She told him it wasn't too bad because Wednesday is her day off. He bit his tongue instead of saying "I thought yesterday was your day off." He didn't want her to start crying again.

[scrub-jay]

She had to do his short call today. She told him it wasn't too bad because Wednesday is her day off. He bit his tongue instead of saying "I thought yesterday was your day off." He didn't want her to start crying again.

He is a better person than I.

[SuzySunshine]

He is a better person than I.

Me too - I won't go into detail since this is in Grand Rounds but we've had our own issues here too and I think next year will be even worse. ARGH!