2nd year

Sometimes I feel like I work way too much, like we are waiting to long to have kids, and we should vacation more. If you had to do it over again... not that you want to, but is there anything you would have done differently before your spouse started residency?

[ladymoreta]

I know it's hard to believe, but medical school is the most free time you'll have together for a long time. Money is tight, but if you have any extra, it is so worth it to get away for a little bit when you can, even if it's just an overnight trip where you stay with friends. Look for cheap/free things to do on his weekends off around your current city, and just spend time together.

On the other hand, be really careful about spending during medical school. That attending paycheck is really far away, and who knows what doctors will be paid by then, so you really want to avoid credit card debt if possible. It's better to take out more loans than you think you'll need so you have an emergency fund for car repairs, medical expenses, etc. The interest rates are much lower, and you have more options on repayment.

We also waited to start having kids, and it was so hard to do. We were both "ready" about halfway into his first year, but we wanted to wait until I could stay at home, so we knew that meant at least residency, if not after. (Thankfully, we've managed it so I could during residency.) My advice here would be to get a pet. It helps with the need to nurture, and it's so nice on call nights to not really be alone.

ETA (that means "edited to add") - Just noticed that you said you already have dogs. Love on them a lot! They will help you so much!

[SuzySunshine]

Vacation - definitely! We waited until residency to have kids and we don't regret that at all. It was nice to be able to do some things in school that we weren't able to do in undergrad, etc. I was working so we had some extra money and were able to take some vacations that now we won't be able to do until after residency and fellowship. We also got to enjoy each other, our time when he wasn't studying was spent together which I think was huge since residency is such a time suck for the doctor spouse.

[Chrisada]

We had both of our kids in medical school and try to take mini vacations. Kids worked well for us in medical school because DH has enough time to help me with them while they are small. We plan on going on a nice vacation, just the two of us, as a graduation present in early summer. I just kind of live by the thought that we are not putting our life on hold until DH is an attending.

We waited through Medical School to have kids. I worked like crazy - often taking a second job that sometimes destroyed my soul - until I was able to move up in the ranks in my career. I intended to do the same thing through at least part of residency so we could stay afloat and enjoy our DINK lifestyle *when* DH found some time away from the hospital (haha!).

In the months that followed Match Day (matching in a less than desirable location), I prepared to leave my wonderful job, close friends, sister and family, we put an offer in on a house, lost the house (three days before closing) leaving us homeless less than three weeks before he started, I interviewed for a great job opportunity - which was never hired (after months of not hearing anything, then waiting)... AND THEN, just 4 days before moving my DH and all of our stuff 200 miles away from "home" (I had planned to stay behind for 6 weeks to finish up at my job), we found out that we were very unexpectedly pregnant. I thought I was going to lose my mind - and I did, a little...

I can say now, that I wouldn't have changed a thing. It was all the best thing that ever happened to me (and my husband LOVES his program). Because we were forced to rent, I am able to afford to stay home (and my DH says I don't ever have to pick up a soul destroying job again)! We live frugally, cannot afford to do much, and love every single minute of the time we get to spend together. We look forward to the debt from a big vacation after he completes residency!

My BEST advice is to GO WITH THE FLOW! If you get too stressed out by it all (and there is a lot!), you will lose you mind (just like me!). If you feel like you NEED a vacation, do something small and make it worth your while - go at a time when your hubby can devote the whole trip to you! If you feel like you NEED him to put down the book to be present for a couple of hours - give him fair warning and then MAKE HIM DO IT. Enjoy your little bit of time together - that's what I am constantly reminding my DH... "You're NOT at work right now!" And remember, this too shall pass.

[GrayMatterWife]

If you had to do it over again... not that you want to, but is there anything you would have done differently before your spouse started residency?

Started having kids sooner and had more, and worried less. A lot less.

I love hearing all of your advice! Thanks so much everyone! If you think of anything else, please add.

[DCJenn]

If I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing, either. We had a GOOD time during residency, eating out, seeing shows, and hanging out with our friends. We didn't adopt our son until the second year of my husband's three year fellowship (PGY5 for those counting) and while the timing was less than perfect for my husband, it was PERFECT for the family as a whole.

Jenn

I'm so glad to hear experiences from people who had kids in med school vs. residency. I'm wanting to wait til residency mainly for the financial aspect and a greater flexibility in me staying home, DH wanted to start having them like 3 years ago. I guess a compromise would be towards the end of med school.

[Laker]

As are nearing the end residency and we both are ready to have a baby. Only problem is that DW will probably have to wait even longer b/c most jobs require a year of service before getting family leave benefits. All of these little obstacles for women in this field stinks. Sometimes we think we should have just had the kids during residency but that probably wouldn't have gone over well.