I hate critical care rotations...

I am just having a really crummy day. I know this is a good place to vent... I hate critical care rotations, although I really shouldn't complain too much - DH only has 7 in his 3 years. I know some of you ladies have to deal with this on a much more consistent basis.

When DH is in the ICU, he is either at work, sleeping, stressing out about whatever happened on the last call shift, or stressing out about what could go wrong the next call shift! And for him, stress means that he is silent! I am a talker and I married a man who liked to talk for a reason!! When he's not here I am missing him and when he is here I wish he would LEAVE so that I could miss him. It's much more pleasant to miss the husband I love than to look at the crabby pants sitting (or more likely, sleeping) on the couch next to me!

I get so sad and feel so lonely on these rotations. And I don't feel like I can really complain to anyone. I cannot complain to him - I know whatever I say is just adding more stress to him. And I just don't have that kind of relationship with most of my friends or family, not to even mention they all have the "it will all pay off soon" attitude. And I KNOW it will pay off sooner rather than later, but it sucks NOW! and I just want to complain sometimes!

To top it all off, I paged him this afternoon because I was having one of those days where I just needed to get out of the house and I hated the idea of eating dinner alone. He just told me how busy it was and how he just wouldn't have time today. And I lost it - which I don't do very often. I started crying, knowing I was adding stress to his already very stressful day, but I couldn't help it. He said, "Please don't do this to me." Needless to say, the phone call only made me feel worse!

UGH! Sometimes this really just stinks, huh?

[L.Jane]

! When he's not here I am missing him and when he is here I wish he would LEAVE so that I could miss him. It's much more pleasant to miss the husband I love than to look at the crabby pants sitting (or more likely, sleeping) on the couch next to me!


UGH! Sometimes this really just stinks, huh?

I am right there with you. I could have written those word myself. I have definitely thought them. Sorry its so rough today.

[Meenah]

I'm sorry. My DH is an ICU Intensivist and when it is his weekend he goes in and stays there until well after midnight. The other Attendings are out of there at 4pm, and sometimes I wish DH would do the same, but he won't!!! The ICU can be overwhelming for the Residents and Fellows. DH loves the ICU so he doesn't mind being there and the Residents are appreciative. Don't feel bad about your meltdown, it happens. I worked in the ICU for a few years and I understand, but I still have my own meltdown moments. Some of the Attendings can be jerks too. Last week one of the Residents asked me if DH was in the hospital because she had questions about an ICU patient and she really didn't want to call the ICU Attending on call at home, because he was so mean!! The stress is awful in the Unit (I only lasted a few years and moved to the ER!!). The patients are usually very sick and unstable, throw in the stress of an A-hole Attending and it can be overwhelming for the Residents. Distractions can be deadly in the ICU. Critical Care really is for Adrenaline Junkies.

Sorry if I am rambling. I also understand the stress of being home alone with kiddos. It is a different kind of stress, but it doesn't make it any less for you. Take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. The rotation will be over soon.

[Meenah]

As I read my post I realize I probably sound like an A-hole myself!!!! I didn't mean to sound condescending at all, just trying to help.

[ladymoreta]

I get so sad and feel so lonely on these rotations. And I don't feel like I can really complain to anyone. I cannot complain to him - I know whatever I say is just adding more stress to him. And I just don't have that kind of relationship with most of my friends or family, not to even mention they all have the "it will all pay off soon" attitude. And I KNOW it will pay off sooner rather than later, but it sucks NOW! and I just want to complain sometimes!

I feel you on this! I hate, hate, hate when people say that. Seriously, it's not our financial situation that makes it so difficult. More money will be nice in a few years, but that doesn't keep me from missing him now and it won't keep me from missing him then.

I hope things get better soon. DH had an ICU month in December, and it was miserable. Good luck this month, and feel free to vent here. We understand!

[alison]

My nemesis. I'm so sorry! These rotations are so hard.

[Flynn]

I totally get the "I want you home, I wish you were gone" sentiment. When we were training that was the MOST frustrating for me. When they are home they are sleeping or worthless (as I would be in their shoes). It's so frustrating!

Hang in there..

[JC76]

There is nothing worse than those times when you're just dying for him to get home because you're craving some time and connection with him... and then he gets there and is angry, frustrated, exhausted, etc and just completely miserable. Have been there too many times to count.

[Thirteen]

There is nothing worse than those times when you're just dying for him to get home because you're craving some time and connection with him... and then he gets there and is angry, frustrated, exhausted, etc and just completely miserable. Have been there too many times to count.

Parkechrist, I feel your pain! I'm so sorry things are like this right now -- as Jo has nicely stated on the quote above, I often feel the same way. I have a limited circle of people to talk to right now, especially those who get where I'm coming from. If you'd like, we can PM a little bit, and I can give you my contact information: I'm actually a "listener who gets it," and I'd love to give you an outlet. Just call me an enabler.

Good luck to you for the rest of CC!
-Adrianne

[MarissaNicole]

I'm sorry you and L.Jane are feeling so alone! Try and remember that it is only temporary and hopefully the next rotation won't be as cruel.

And do not beat yourself up about your feelings, you have every reason to feel the way you do... I just wish there was something I could do about it!

Hang in there, you'll make it!

Lots of: s

[Finding Equanimity]

Totally feel your pain. I hate when DH is on ICU. He's such a cranky, stressed out person. Hang in there. I hope it flies by so you can return to some semblance of normalcy!

oh boy does THAT all sound familiar! My DH is an ICU intensivist as well, but also does research, and boy is there a difference between his ICU and non-ICU weeks! He really does enjoy it for the most part, but that's completely separate from whether "he is enjoyable" when he's sleep-deprived, overstressed, and always mentally averting some near-dead-patient-crisis. His clinic does night and day shifts, so he sometimes has 7 nights on call and is home during the day sleeping and grumping while I'm trying to go about normal business with our 3 girls. He'll be hungry at noon, and I'm thinking, you know, I can't manage breakfast till 10, and now you think I'm going to be cooking? Even during regular weeks it's hard to know if/when he'll be home for supper, but that gets taken to a whole new level when you're left wondering if/when he'll be physically AND mentally present for a meal or a decision.
If you can, I'd liberally plan to be out doing things more during his ICU times, even just meeting a girlfriend for coffee and sympathy so you can come home refreshed and ready to face the grump monster.
This, too, shall pass!
Jenn

So DB is rotating in the ICU right now as well, right after doing crazy hellish internal wards rotations! So I definitely feel your pain.

The good thing is, I'm a grad student so I'm busy most of that time anyways. But during nights when I have a little free time (and he's sleeping, studying, too stressed to talk) is when I chat on the phone with friends, engage in hobbies I've been meaning to do, and go hang out with friends. For instance, DB is on call on friday, so I'm scheduling a girl's dinner and movie night.

I know these long hours and crankiness sucks, but in reality their situation is not going to change, only we can change. I hope this helps.

However, I too am glad to have this site to vent.
And I also hate the "It'll pay off eventually!"

I totally feel your pain. My situation is quite different right now but my feelings are exactly the same. My husband is leaving for Medical school at the end of April. He is currently working full time as an engineer and going to school just about every single night of the week. I have done quite well with this until the last few days. We moved this weekend into my in laws house and I'm trying to get our house ready to rent. I assumed this would be a process that we would BOTh do together but in reality it is just me. I am SO stressed out. I am becoming very resentful towards him and I know that's not right. I feel likeI haven't spent time with two year old in a week (I also work full time as an engineer). I want my husband to be there to help me and spend time with me but instead, the few minutes he is there, I hate him. I know that sounds terrible but right now, that's how I feel. The most depressing part is know that this is going to be my life for the next eight to ten years. I am officialy everything. I am the mom, the dad, the handyman, the cook, the cleaner, the landlord, and the bread winner for my little family. Boy is THAT a lot of responsibility. I think that finishing the house and unpacking at my in laws will really calm my nerves but boy am I stressed out right now. Living in boxes SUCKS! My son wore the same socks today as he did yesterday because I have NO idea where his socks are. They're not in his clothes box. Isn't that terrible? My poor baby is wearing dirty clothes! And I don't have time to dig through boxes today either. I'm actually considering buying a pack of socks. That's insane!!

ok... my vent is over for the day. I hope you're all having a better week than I am.

Lacy

[ladymoreta]

Oh Lacy, I'm so sorry! I hope the move turns out to be a good change for all of you.