Indecisive

I'm new here, but thought I would just jump in and post my most pressing concern. My husband did about half of a surgical residency before deciding to change to nuclear medicine. I am very thankful for his desicion. Now he is completing a fellowship in nuclear medicine. He never did do a radiology residency. He is interviewing at a few places for a nuclear medicine attending position. He had one interview and did not get the job, and 2 more are coming up in the middle of the month, out of state. When I asked him the other day about following up on some of the other letters/CVs he sent out---he sounded very wishy-washy. He said he wasn't even sure that he wanted to get an attending position and that he felt he should really be doing a radiology residency for a few more years so he can be boarded in that too. He also has been saying that he may want to do a PET fellowship for further specialization. He seems to enjoy what he's doing much better than surgery---but isn't loving it. He has been increasingly stressed out during this jobsearch.

There is a part of me that wants to support him entirely in whatever he wants to do. The problem is that he does not seem to know for sure what that is. It is soooooooo frustrating for me to watch him struggle through his decisions and uncertainty. Also, there is a part of me that wants to say, "Enough training!!!!!! Just get a damn job so we can buy a house and be settled already!!!!!!"

I know from experience that pushing or asking too much causes him to slow down and become more immobilized. I am trying my best to just wait it out and let him go through whatever process he needs to go through to make his decision about what to do next. I am a SAHM and feel pretty flexible and don't really care where we go, with a few limitations.

Once he finds a job or residency or fellowship-----then we have to decide whether the place is a temporary or permanent place to live. Honestly, the thought of not having permanancy is bothering me more and more. If it were entirely up to me----there would be no question. He would find an attending position in nuclear medicine and we would buy a nice house and stay put for 20 years. That is the premise we have been working with---but in the last few weeks, he's been wishy washy.

Maybe he's just scared he wont find a job and is gearing himself and me up for alternatives. That's hard to believe though as he's just published a bunch of articles and is presenting 4 papers at the upcoming annual nuc. med. conference. On the other hand, maybe he truly wouldn't be satisfied without the extra training. It could possibly hurt his career if he doesn't pursue more training. I don't know, I just don't know. Am I being selfish for wanting a house and a stable life for all of us? My oldest daughter will be entering kindergarten in the Fall and I have no idea where that's going to be. I have been unable to make Summer or camp plans because I don't know if we are moving in June, July, August, or later.

[Rapunzel]

Laurel, for some reason I really, really feel very connected to what you are saying. Things are crazy at my house so I can't write more at the moment - I truly hope things fall into place for you guys before you go insane! As for the radiology residency thing, check your introduction thread and the post that I put up. Feel free to private message me anytime!

[SueC]

Hi Laurel!
I don't think you sound selfish at all--it sounds like you have been extremely supportive and patient throughout your husband's residency. I guess my advice is to try to get at the root of your husband's indecisiveness. Does he really feel like he belongs in radiology instead, is something making him apprehensive about finishing up training and moving to the next phase, or like you mentioned is he just preparing himself just in case he doesn't find a job in nuclear medicine? Its hard to be in the position that you are in--I'm sure you don't want your husband to think you are placing the money aspect over his happiness, but it seems like given his track record he could be a resident forever! Maybe you could come up with a compromise. Assuming he found a job in nuclear medicine, could he try it for a few years and then if he still felt like he belonged in radiology maybe he could go back. I know that's easier said than done. It would be really hard to go from an attending salary back down to a residents salary! At any rate, I hope for your sake that your husband is able to get some clarity on the issue very soon!!!

[PrincessFiona]

residency

Laurel,

Hi and Welcome...I know that the uncertainty during training sometimes drove me bananas....even right now we're going through some job uncertainty..should we stay, what are our options, etc...and it can be very stressful.

My husband did 3 years of IM residency in Europe (He's german)...we did nearly 2 years in Germany and 1 in N. Ireland before moving to the states. We had to start all over again and do 3 years of IM...and at the end of it all, he announced that he wanted to do a fellowship....It was a tough pill to swallow on the one hand..more uncertainty, more moving...more debt and struggling to get by.

We sat down and really talked about things..the motivations, etc..and we decided to go ahead and go for it....it was stressful but now that it's behind us...he's much happier.

Maybe you guys can sit down and decided how important a rads residency is to him and how much time he would have to invest in the residency...fellowship talk could wait..at some point he has to get out there and pay off all of the debt

I know that as fellowship ended for my dh he started talking about doing another fellowship...and he has even toyed with the idea over the past year...I think it is more though about struggling to settle in to working in a profession that you've spent half of your life (or at least your adult life) training for...he kind of hit that "Is this all there is?" phase for awhile..maybe your hubby is just feeling a bit antsy about taking the jump?

Keep us posted....I know it's stressful...hang in there!

kris