How many hours per week does your attending spouse work?

[DCJenn]

The reality of having kids or any other responsibility like pets, house, FT job, etc. is that even as attendings, "most" of the day to day responsibility will fall to the spouse. This is true whether the spouse works out of the house, stays at home or finds some kind of life in the middle. Is it enabling- some days yes, some days it's the fact that the dawkter spouse can't say "hold one Mr. Jones, while you're having that heart attack, my kid has a soccer match." What they do IS different and everyone in the universe 'gets' that part. Now, just because they're fabulous doctors doesn't mean they get a bye on familial responsibilities, either but the sad fact is that for most physician families, those responsibilities are negotiated and renegotiated with great regularity.

My dad travelled a lot- every week when I was little and by the time I was in high school and college it was for weeks and months at a time (you don't travel to the Middle East for a week after all.) Now that he's a grandparent I think he's realized that he did miss out on a lot while we were little but the fact was, his job required travel, he LIKED travelling and my mom really like to accompany him whenever she could. The reality of my childhood is not that different than the reality of my own childs. Dad will be there when he's there and when he's not he's not. I'm not going to sugar-coat but I'm certainly not going to overdramatize it either. There are days when it sucks and there are days when we have tons of fun- most days are somewhere in the middle.

The absence is felt differently- when they're babies, you're exhausted and you don't get a whole lot of positive pats on the back from the baby. When they're older, they understand that Dad's not there and they get angry. I've found single parenting an elementary school aged child to be infinitely easier than single parenting a toddler, that's for sure.

But- they all start out as babies (even if they're acquired as mine was) and you do what you have to do.

I've been working on a project for Ancestry.com keying in Naturalization records. I can't tell you how many records I've read where dad has come to the US and mom and the kids have stayed back in Italy/Poland/England, etc. Now THAT would be hard. Parenting with a person who is not always there- that's annoying.

Jenn

[Meenah]

I feel neutral about DH's hours most of the time, but when he has a week with lots of call or a weekend with call is when I start to think more about it. When I told DH how many hours he worked, he was surprised. Not only doesn't he feel that 75-80 is a lot, but he "feels" like he only works 45-50 hours a week.

Sunnyside, what specialty is your DH in? For some specialties an Attending's hours are not much different than a Resident's. My DH is an Intensivist and works crazy long hours.

[houseelf]

We're relatively new to attendinghood, but so far it is all over the map. I have to say that we choose wisely regarding hours for DH's particular subspecialty. Hello 17 partners! If he is the surgeon on duty or has in-house call, we live our lives without him, which we are very used to doing.

A few nights a week he actually is home for dinner! This is a first for us in 11 years of marriage. On the other hand, he is academic, so he travels at least every 6-8 weeks, has resident education, research, meetings, medical outreach, papers, conference calls, etcetera, etcetera. This "other stuff", for lack of a better word, doesn't leave him the shell of a man that 100+ hours a week that fellowship does, but it definitely places us squarely back intot he situation that I must be prepared at all times to go on without him. It is a small thing, but I don't ever count on him for pick ups or drop offs and I never tell the kids that daddy will be at something even if his schedule is clear as of that morning. When he does come to somehting or is able to do a child pick up, it is a wonderful surprise.

I should add that my expectations are really low. They basically got beat out of me during training. Clearly we are still in recovery.

[spotty_dog]

DH is contracted for 120 hours a month. Sometimes he works a few extra shifts, and those months it feels like too much. Hours per week? Typical would look like 3-4 10-hour shifts (plus up to 3 hours of signout per day). Just before or after a week's vacation there might be 5-6 shifts in a row.

DH is contracted for 120 hours a month. Sometimes he works a few extra shifts, and those months it feels like too much. Hours per week? Typical would look like 3-4 10-hour shifts (plus up to 3 hours of signout per day). Just before or after a week's vacation there might be 5-6 shifts in a row.

Wow, those hours sound really good. Even though my hubby's specialty is considered a "lifestyle specialty" I really wouldn't consider it that given that he works 75-80 hours a week. When he has weekend call in addition I feel like I barely see him.

[Vishenka69]

DH averages about 50 hours a week. We specifically waited until he was done with residency and working 80-90 hours to have a kid.

[diggitydot]

...my hubby's specialty is considered a "lifestyle specialty"

Well, that obviously eliminates him being an ob/gyn...

[Amiens]

Dh is in anesthesia. It depends on the time of the year. Two times a year it gets insanely busy: end of Oct thru beginning of Jan, and end of May to August. During the slow months, I would say dh averages about 50-60 hours a week, during the busy times 60-70 hours.

DH is an ER doc and works an average of 32/week with a few additional administrative hours tacked on.