when did "they" KNOW?

I am just curious... When did your spouse/SO KNOW that she/he wanted to go to medical school? Was it after you met? After you married? Were they in med school/residency/practice before you met? Were you thrilled with the idea? I'd love to hear everyone's story.

My husband, Joel (who is almost a 2nd year med student now!! ) was in undergrad when we met. He owned his own retail business and was in school to obtain a bus. degree. After about 3 years in school he realized he hated the retail thing and really wanted to go to Medical school. I was floored really when he told me but excited too. We were already expecting baby #1. I told him I would completely support him as long as we could still have our family b/c I knew we had years to go to get IN to Medical school. He worked his way through undergrad and here we are today, 2 kids with one on the way about 5 years later. I was concerned that we would be the oldest people in school, almost 30 but it's not the case. Anyway, I am just wondering how it all worked out for you.

Jessica

Dear Jessica,
When I met my husband in 1991, he was working for his parents, managing their 5 and dime store in Brooklyn. He had earned a degree in biomedical engineering in 1986 from Johns Hopkins, but felt committed to help his parents in their family owned store. He complained to me about how he thought his brain was going numb in that little store. I encouraged him to look at other options and see if there was a way his parents could handle the store without him or get outside help. At that point, his brother was able to handle more responsibility in the store.

He decided to try taking some premed classes at Columbia and really enjoyed it. He also began volunteering at a NYC hospital emergency room, too. While ambivalent about leaving the family store, he said he always imagined he would become a doctor someday. With my encouragement, he applied to med school and began in 1993. He began his surgical residency in 1997. He quit that in 2001 and began a nuclear medicine fellowship that he is now completing.

Oh....we are old too---compared to most of his peers. Now, he is 39 and I am 38. We got married after his second year of med school. Are we the senior citizens here??? Just wondering.

[DCJenn]

Hi all-

My husband apparently always knew that medicine was going to be his path, unfortunately the path to get there was unknown. He started after graduating (class of '85 from high school) and realized pretty quickly that fulltime college and fulltime work didn'twork well together, so he joined the Army. Four years later he started his first AA degree- he received another AA degree and then used the GI bill to pay for his BS degree. He spent two years in a lab applying to various med schools and was psyched to get into USUHS because it was a good program with no debt.

He claims he knew since junior high that he wanted to be a doctor and I think he's proved that over the long haul. (and he was Airborne, too- which is bonus points in my sick mind...)

Jenn

and FYI- when I first worked with adults with developmental disabilities I was a senior in college and I've been hooked ever since!!

[mommax3]

Hi -- I have known my husband since he was 10 and I was 12. I clearly remember that he interviewed a doctor we both knew for a career report when he was in sixth grade. My husband's dad is a veterinarian and was one of the pioneer researchers in veterinary oncology when we were growing up -- now he is the Dean of a vet school -- so my husband was immersed in medical terminology as a young kid through his dad. In high school, he was in an honors research lab class that met at Purdue. His project involved giving cancer to rats and then trying to kill the tumors through reperfusion injury. We got married after his freshman year of college (I had just graduated). He was a music major/chem minor and was making sure to take all of the prerequisites for med school.

Despite all of the above, he SAYS he didn't make up his mind to go to med school until after his junior year of college. I didn't marry him because I thought he was going to be a doctor, but I have to admit that the day he made his "announcement", I was a little underwhelmed because I had figured that's where he was headed all along. He applied early admission to the medical school in the state where we lived and was accepted. At the end of his senior year of college, just before graduation, he decided to apply for an HPSP scholarship through the Air Force, at his Dad's suggestion. He was accepted into that program, and we were off!

He enjoyed the four years of med school for the most part and decided on OB/GYN as his specialty, after also considering Family Practice pretty strongly. He was selected for an active duty residency, much to our surprise, so we (we had a two year old by this point) relocated to San Antonio from our home in the midwest, which was probably the best thing that could have happened to us, both as a couple and individually. Residency was very hard, with a brutal schedule, but apart from the exhaustion, my husband enjoyed his work most of the time. We had our second child at the end of intern year. We are now halfway through our payback to the military at an Air Force Base in north Texas (2 years to go!) and life has not been as enjoyable for us here as we hoped it would be post-residency, because of where we live. We had our third son 6 weeks after we got here. My husband still enjoys his work and I think he would choose medicine and his specialty again, although he sometimes speaks longing of dermatology -- usually after a hard call week! The only thing I think he would do differently is not take the military scholarship -- but if he hadn't, we wouldn't have been able to have our oldest son when we did, so that is unthinkable to me! We also never would have left our home state, and certainly would never have spent time in San Antonio, which would have been a shame.

So there you have it -- it is a pretty average "how I became a doctor" story, except for that fact that he was a music major in undergrad.

Sally

[SueC]

Hmm, I don't know! Seems like it would have come up in the last 7 years that we have been together. His dad is a doctor and I know he always swore he wouldn't follow in his footsteps, actually he started off as an aeronautical engineering major. Why he switched to medicine is a mystery to me--I think I'll ask him when he gets home.

I met Russ when he was finishing up his freshman year of college. He was a die hard electrical engineering major and I think that was mostly because his dad was an electrical engineer along with one of his brothers. He started taking anatomy classes and such just for the fun of it to give him a break from all the engineering. Little by little he became disenchanted with engineering. I knew he wanted to be in the medical field and kept asking him to change his major when we first got married. Two years later he decided to change. Honestly, I felt a big KNOT in my stomach when he told me. We already had two children and he felt he had to change is major to zoology premed because it was very difficult to get anything above a B in his engineering classes. So ... the long road began. His premed advisor told him he would never become a doctor. His confidence was a little shaken by that comment and it did take a couple of extra years to get through undergrad and then two more years to get in to med school. By the time we got there, we had three children. I have always totally supported him in his decision and probably pushed him a little being that I knew it was what he wanted but he was worried about having a family through the whole experience.

With not a lot of support from his parents or school advisor, we went ahead anyway and he graduated the top of his class. I wish his advisor could see him now! He had planned on doing family practice when he first started and I envisioned us in a smaller town being the resident doc. Of course, it ended up he hated his family practice rotations and wanted to be doing procedures. He was planning on going into general surgery clear up until the month before interviews started. All his letters were from surgeons. We decided to do a month rotation in Utah at the hospital where he used to work at and he chose anesthesia because he heard it would be an easy rotation and they would give him a lot of time to spend with family. Instead .... they worked him hard and he thought anesthesia was actually pretty cool. Then his next month he went and did a surgery rotation in Michigan. They offered him a position outside of the match right then and he could have been on his way but he just didn't feel good about it. I am SOOOOO glad. He chose anesthesia instead and then came the mad race trying to get a new letter of recommendation from an anesthesiologist and figuring out what programs to interview at.

We are now finishing up our first year of internship here in San Antonio. Once in awhile we still question what in the world we were thinking following this path because it hasn't been easy; HOWEVER, there is a great feeling of accomplishment knowing that he is doing what he set out to do and is doing a darn good job of it. Everything has worked out so far even with all the ups and downs. It has been a remarkable journey.

Robin

[Auspicious]

When I first met my boyfriend he was about to turn 30 and he was simultaneously finishing up his PhD and applying to med schools. So for me the physician thing was part of the package from the beginning--take it or leave it.

His previous occupations included (in chronological order):

• --Deeply unhappy kid. Comes from a family that would depress almost anyone, and ends up poorly equipped to face the real world. (18 years)
  
  --Wayward, clueless, unhappy college student. Has a dismal GPA, the World's Meanest Girlfriend Ever, and a dire financial situation. (1 year)
  
  --Soldier in the U.S. Army. Although the military ticks him off in many ways, he will be the first to admit that it changed his life. The whole concept that he's not as worthless as he had been told hits him like an epiphany. (1 year active duty)
  
  --Much-improved college student. Still pretty clueless, but now focused, serious, and intent on "catching up" and doing something with his life. Becomes a great student. Rome wasn't built in a day, however, and he fails to get into med school at the end of his senior year. (3 years)
  
  --Quality-control whatchamacallit for a drug company. Typical entry-level bachelor's degree job. Doesn't thrill him. Gets a little older and wiser. Wants more education. (2 years)
  
  --Gets activated to serve in Germany during the Bosnian conflict just as he's finishing his grad school applications. He works in mental health and has pretty extensive patient contact. Confirms his hunch that he likes patient care and is good at it. Once again, military simultaneously annoys him and gives him a great gift. (6 months)
  
  --Grad student. (Also goes back to the military on better terms--as a commissioned microbiologist in the navy reserves.) Discovers his real inner academic and loves science more than ever, but still wants to be in a position to help his fellow man in a more direct way. (Not that cancer reserch isn't beneficial, don't get me wrong.) Decides a little over half way through that he's going to try again for med school. (6 years)

I admire the way he turned his life around, the way he's raised himself, his capacity for change, and the way he's drawn to make a contribution with his life. (Not that I'm biased.)

So when I met him and he was hell-bent on being a doctor, was I thrilled about the idea? Yes and no. I was definitely attracted to the fact that he had a definite goal and that it was such a magnanimous one. But I was also very concerned. The uncertainty of the med school application process and the uncertaintly of the early months of a new relationship were really intertwined and compounded each other, and it seemed like everything was up in the air--Would he make it into med school? If so, would I like the future I could have with someone who was starting medical training at 31? If he didn't make it in, would that turn him all bitter? If he did make it in, would he have to move? Would I be ready to go with him? Would he take the HPSP and attach himself to the military for the next 11 years? And which of the above scenarios could our budding relationship survive?

We've considered every decision very carefully and done the best we could, and we've had some luck, and so far it's working out. That's our story.

I am really enjoying reading these stories about everyone's various paths to medicine. My husband sometimes gets down on himself that he didn't go straight into it from the get go. He says that he wasted a lot of time and gets upset that he is older than many of the attendings supervising him. He has friends from high school and college who went straight through on the med track and now live in huge houses with stable careers of many years, no debt, reasonable work hours, nice families, and lots of vacation time, etc. He looks at their successes and feels he doesn't measure up. I try to help him see that he had to go through his path his way, on his own terms and that there is nothing to be ashamed of in taking his time to make the best choices for him at those times. It is his wealth of experiences both good and bad that have made him into the compassionate, brilliant physician and man that he is today. This path has been at times a tortorous process.....but finally he is beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's kind of strange being in this "almost done with training" state of being. It's like you can almost be relieved-----but not quite yet!!!!!!! Still lots of details to iron out---like passing a few more board exams and getting a job and getting licensed in a new state, etc.

when he knew

My husband and I met in his second year of radiology residency, but he has told me his story:
After graduating from high school he was not even thinking about medical school much less any other occupation. All he knew was that he wanted to be a Marine. He stayed in the marines for 3 (4?) years. After that he returned to his home state and attended junior college for 2 years and loved his biology courses. He then transferred to a university and thought he would use his biology degree to become a teacher. He ended up tutoring alot of other students in biology and organic chem. Eventually he realized he wanted to become a physician. So, he was about 5 years older than the average student, but I think it has really helped him to have that other outlook on life (previous job,etc.)

[Rapunzel]

My husband encountered many events in his childhood that evolved into his choice of a medical career: Before his birth one of his older brothers became brain damaged as a result of an accident as a baby. My inlaws were informed that my husband's brother would never progress beyond an infantile state - he would never walk, never talk, never truly comprehend speech. After my husband's birth my inlaws began researching their son's condition and went to many medical experts. They worked very hard with him and got him up to the mental capacity of a four year old by the time he hit puberty. That was many times over what his original doctors had predicted. My husband witnessed this and participated in this research and hard work. He came away impressed with the doctors that were willing to do things in nontraditional ways and who didn't let themselves be confined by difficulties.

The next event that influenced my husband's decision to become a doctor occured when he was 10 years of age. He was horribly burned on his leg and endedup in the hospital burn unit for a long time. He had skin grafts and physical therapy to endure and lots of pain. He came away in awe of what medical science can accomplish.

Finally, he went through the death of his father, his brain-damaged older brother, another older brother, and his only sister (then 5) at the age of 13. They were all killed in the same auto accident. It was a horrible thing and his family suffered a great deal from this one awful fact. My husband could have become a bitter, depressed, pitiful person from this event, instead he internalized a drive to help others and to improve the lives of everyone he came into contact with.

My husband pushed himself very hard academically. He made the effort on his own to be transferred to his city's science magnet in high school. He then applied to and was accepted to college at the age of 16 in the Texas Academy of Math and Science. His academic experiences made him realize his love of science and that he was able to accomplish anything he desired if he pushed himself. And, having lived with him for almost eight years now I can attest to this fact - if my husband decided tomorrow that he was going to the moon or he was going to be the president it would happen eventually, that's the kind of driven man he is. Luckily that intense ambition is tempered with compassion and kindness - attributes he felt were necessary for a good physician.

Anyway, my husband kind of evolved into becoming a physician. He is still evolving as he grows older and it is quite possible that someday he will not be a practicing physician if that is where his drive to be the best and also improve lives leads him. But, his experiences of learning the importance of improving others' lives, his deep respect for the medical profession, and his talents in science all seemed to culminate in being a physician - so for him it was almost not a conscious decision but more of an obvious destination in his life.

[Rapunzel]

I am such a dork - I wrote the truth but I made it sound like a medical school admissions essay. :P

[JaneDoe]

I met my husband during our junior year of college. By that time, he had already taken the MCAT and was preparing his applications for medical school. He told me that he has always wanted to be a doctor and he has never waivered from that goal. I think he had a couple of role models that may have influenced his desire to be a doctor. His uncle is an ophthalmologist and he tells me that he always looked up to his pediatricion (that, I don't really get, but anyway . . .).

While he was applying to medical school, I was applying to law school. I was accepted right away; however, my husband was not accepted to any school the first year he applied. It didn't help that he only applied to the best schools. He was devastated, but in all honesty, I was happy. It meant that he wasn't going away just yet. He got a job as a scrub tech at a hospital close to where I was going to law school. I remember that year as being really happy, despite it being my first year.

Then, he was acccepted to a school on the opposite end of the country. That year, we had a long distance relationship, and neither of us was very happy. So, we decided to get married earliar than we had originally planned. (We were going to wait until I finished law school). We were married before my third year of law school, and I was able to complete my third year at a school near his medical school. And that folks, is my husband's journey to medical school, and the story of how I ended up in a part of the country that I never thought I would visit, let alone live.

[houseelf]

My MIL was an ObGyn delivery night shift nurse. Her hubby and kids took her dinner a couple of nights a week at the hospital. This is where the seed was first planted.

Hubby excelled in Math in high school and was pushed by his blue collar family and and community to go into engineering. (The tool and dye industry in our home town is enormous and engineering would guarantee a job.)

He went to Purdue to earn a B.S. in Mechanical engineering. He interned with several companies, most notably Hil-Rom, a manufacturer of hospital beds. After spending some time in the hospital, he felt like he was coming home. He decided to take some anatomy classes and volunteer as an orderly at Ohio State. While contemplating the decision to go to medical school, he realized that he lacked many of the prerequisite classes so he decided to get a Masters in Human Anatomy to bridge this gap and determine if medicine truly was his calling. I should note that the majority of his family was against this medical school. They thought that it would be too expensive and take too long. In the end, however, he loved human anatomy and applied to medical school.

When he started in medicine he thought he would go into ObGyn because that was what he was exposed to as a child through his mom. With time it became clear that his true love lied in human anatomy and working with his hands. I have to admit, surgery suits him to a T. He absolutely loves his work and would be unfulfilled if he worked in anything else.

Reading through these posts, I couldn't help but think how many interesting twists and turns people take to end up in their final destination.

Kelly

My wife had the dream of being a doctor since she was in grade school. Maybe before that even. Her brother is only 16mths younger and she helped "raise" him! So, since she was little girl she always wanted to be a pediatrician. Her family never gave her the encouragement she needed to make it, and that just drove her more to prove to them she could. She took all the right classes in school and applied to all the best Med schools and was rejected the first year and then was wait-listed and accepted that next year. She has accomplished being a pediatrician, now she is battling possible fellowship (NICU, PICU, or cardiology). Of course this would be after Air Force committment.

[peggyfromwastate]

My husband always wanted to be a doc. But, he also wanted to be a soldier. So, he is gonna be both (military doctor Army). He tells me constantly about a picture he drew when he was about 8 or so of him in an Army helicopter working as a doctor... I knew he wanted to be a doc when I met him in college. I decided to marry him anyway! (Even though having grown up a child of a doc I said I would never, ever even consider it...)