judged because we are in the medical profession

I hope this isn't too much rambling and this all makes sense.
2 years ago when we moved for my SO to attend Medical school, I was honest with my job and they knew we would only be there for 2 years. Later on in the year, my hours were cut, they told me they didn't want to build up my patient load to later have me move in 2 years. Not only that, but the other girls at work would "try" to make me feel better telling me that I don't need the money/hours because I was going to be married to a doctor. Not only were we in debt over our heads from my SO's 4 years undergrad, but I still had to pay back my student loans, plus the next 4 years of medical school debt.
So I applied for a full time position in another town, where no one knew my SO was in the medical field, and no one knew we would moving. So for the remaining of our 2 years, I lived a life where no one knew the real me. I worked lots of hours, my other employers didn't judge me for being a "doctors wife" no one assumed I was filthy rich, I felt like I was treated like a normal human being.

So now we have moved again. I will soon be going on interviews for a job. I don't want to lie, I just want to be the girl next door, a normal person, the one that you are friends with, the one that is treated fairly for being me and not judged for the the person I am with.

Have any of you experienced this?

[medpedspouse]

Unfortunately yes. First of all, no one better ask you about your marital status/what your DH does during a job interview. If they ask the reason for the move, I always said "to be close to family." Now once you get said job and you are your coworkers are getting to now one another, I do no think you have to lie. I finally began just saying my DH works at X hospital. Usually that is enough. If they ask where, I'll say the department and try to change the topic.

I didn't get that for work. I guess people understood what "student" entailed. But definitely socially, and from people I wouldn't expect. People suggest that we do things that fit a richer lifestyle than we live/want to live. The more comfortable and open I've become, the more people adjust their expectations appropriately. But I'm not completely comfortable yet myself - not sure how all this money stuff will shake out for us or what our lives will look like.

ETA - Oops - I did get that with one job. It was a very distinct moment of disappointment for everyone in the interview when they specifically asked when we'd be moving for DH's training! They hired me anyway, thankfully, and it was a FT job, so no issues with how many hours I'd get. In the end, I think they were grateful to be able to plan ahead for a replacement. But I did try to hide things during the interview... just didn't work out.

[MarissaNicole]

Ugh, unfortunately that just comes with the territory. We all can relate with the sterotypes and assumptions that we are rolling in the dough, even though many of us struggle to make ends meet. The average person doesn't understand all that medical training and practice entails. I think that is why this forum is so valuable because we all "get it."

Its hard because even if you tell your future employer that your SO is a student, they may pick up on the fact that you may not stay there. Ultimately you have to decide what you want and don't want to disclose based on what you are comfortable with. Most of the time its just easier not to tell people that your spouse is in the medical field... again it takes too long to explain everything!

[scrub-jay]

I definitely receive comments, which I quickly negate with: yes, I will be married to a DAWKTER... and his $300+ student loan debt... jealous?

Sometimes however, it goes in your favor. When trying to get a house to rent for example. Med students are seen as upstanding citizens! (Our ll currently refers to DH as a Dr. despite many affirmations that he is a med student).

[ladymoreta]

I tried to avoid the topic in interviews, being vague about"we moved for my husband to go to school here" and "we moved because my husband graduated and got a job here." If presses, I mentioned that he worked for the university.

When people in our personal life ask, we tell him that he's a resident (usually avoiding the terms "doctor" or "anesthesiologist"). Most seem to get it, but some people make comments about the huge salary they think he's making. If that happens, I try to keep it light and say something along the lines of "Not for X more years... And *then* we get to start paying back all the loans!"

[SoonerTexan]

Haha, my boss knows DH just started...her comment was, "well, you are going to be working a long time, then!"

I don't think most people have figured out residency usually requires a move...

[oceanchild]

I think not discussing it in an interview is probably a good idea, although it isn't one I've followed (and I've still gotten jobs). My current boss has a nephew who's a resident, so she sort of gets residency and didn't hold it against me. As a married, late-20s female, I'm more worried that people are going to assume I'll leave a job to raise kids, which also seems not to have happened, so that's good.

Once I have a job, I can't imagine working in a place and not telling my coworkers about my husband though. He's a huge part of my life. His job is a huge part of my life. I don't think I could not share that.

[medpedspouse]

When the few find out DH is an M.D., I also get people who feel the need to tell me some story about their friend who put her husband through school to later get divorced because he had an affair with nurse, social worker, therapist (fill in the blank with a Healthcare professional). Eyeroll!

[Ladybug122]

It did come up when I moved here and got my job...but being a nurse at a teaching hospital, things are different. My boss knew what it meant to hire me but luckily the nursing shortage is in my favor! However, at my annual review, my boss always asks..."now how much longer will your husband be in training?" Needless to say, she was happy when she heard DH would be doing a 3 year fellowship. If he adds on an interventional year, my boss will be pleased...

[diggitydot]

I think we all get it, to some degree. Typically, we hang with other medical peeps from DH's hospital so it isn't usually an issue. The only people who comment aren't in medicine and we rarely hang with non-med peeps. Which is sad. I need a broader circle of friends.

The last time someone made a comment to me about DH's career choice was at our kids' school. One of the other parents said something about their DD coveting our DD2's butt-ugly boots from Justice. "Oh, but we don't shop there. We don't have dawkter money." My response: "Yeah, neither do we. DH is a resident. So while he makes about $20K/year less than your average truck driver, we also have about $250K worth of student debt to deal with."

This hasn't ever come up in a job interview for me, but I would never tell a prospective employer what DH does. I don't remember ever being specifically asked, but if I was I'd say something vague like "he's in the healthcare field." That usually ends the query.

However, it does come up when we meet new people, and it is an issue then. I haven't told any of the friends/acquaintances I've made here what DH does, except for two of them. And those two I didn't tell them right away--I avoided the topic for awhile until we got to know each other better. For the rest of people I've met I try to avoid the question or use the vague response above. It just makes me too uncomfortable to get the judgments/rude comments, which I have gotten a lot of. I guess I don't know how to respond to the comments well. We don't hang with other medical folks, so it comes up a lot.

[DCJenn]

Luckily being in a military town all I have to say is that he's in the Army. We usually get the next question about whether he's at BAMC (the hospital) or Ft. Sam (the Army post) but I usually redirect at that point. At work, they understand (again, this is a military town) that people in the military leave. A lot.

Jenn

In social situations I try to avoid the topic until I really know people. All my really good friends have never batted an eye about it. They like to get the inside scoop on stuff but they don't judge us. I don't tell people what I do either, there is just a lot of weird assumptions that come with telling people you are a doctor or a lawyer. If I do tell people and they make any lame comments I try and work in the fact that we have a ridiculous amount of loans to pay off and that residents don't make squat.

I just can't believe there are so many rude people out there, I mean isn't it a basic etiquette issue that you don't talk about money? Who thinks it's okay to comment on what type of lifestyle you should or should not be living or how much is in your bank account? Ugh, people are rude. My other least favorite thing is people telling us that my husband is sleeping with "enemy" or that I can help him out if he gets sued, cause yeah, that's exactly the way things work, *eye-roll*

Luckily my husband's residency is long enough that it can be a good thing in terms of a job for me and I have brought it up and it has gone over well. Most people in that situation find it interesting. Overall it's kinda a crap shoot with telling people. Sometimes I tell people just because it annoys me so much that people think they can act like that, but that's because sometimes I just like to be contrary.

[civilspouse]

I don't remember if the topic came up in my interview process, but I get asked constantly by my boss how much longer DH has. Luckily for them the MD/PhD route takes a long time and I always throw in there that we are thinking of staying here for residency although staying here would not be my top pick. It seems so silly to me that they are fixated on that, just because we are here that is no guarantee that I will stay with their company. They don't get that kind of commitment from other employees and someone else could just as easily pack up and move away after a couple of years for a number of reasons. I am always hesitant to tell people what DH is doing before I get to know them well. Most people are quick to judge once they find that out.