please tell me this gets better

[TigerLily]

Someone..please tell me that it gets better after intern year. For Labor day my husband got a one day weekend. First day off in months, and...he's still at the hospital..working..doesn't make sense. I'm so tired of being a single mom.

[Thirteen]

Zoe,
Intern year is usually a crapshoot, regardless of specialty. I can't imagine what it's like to have a small child in the mix also, but you are most definitely NOT alone.
I'm sorry to say that this sounds like the norm. Are there any playgroups/babysitting co-ops/family around to cut you a small break?

[Momo]

Zoe...my DH is an attending and your post is my life, however I usually describe myself as a "single mom w/comfortable finances."
I know it's hard, but it is what it is, and the only way out is through it! Just be thrilled he's doing FM and that there will be light @ the end of the tunnel, illuminating what should be a far better quality of life than some other specialties have!

[TigerLily]

That is exactly what I was thinking this morning. I am a single mom who has a husband who will eventually be making us a comfortable living. Usually I'm fine but today I just felt like being a victim for a few minutes. I thought he would be home and had been planning the day. Then to sit in church all alone again, hear my daughter say dada? every time a car drives down the street, it all just got the best of me.
I've joined just about every thing I can find! MOPS group, playgroup, Bible study, Children's Museum, and it is all so helpful. I have my own life with my daughter during the days, but sometimes I just want an entire day with my husband and my daughter.
Blah, it's okay. I know it could be much worse and I better just strap in and get used to it. At least when he's making more than an interns salary I can shop while he's working. I'll use that as my light.

[Thirteen]

Feel free to vent away! There are some days where it just hits you really hard how UNFAIR it feels. And, as a spouse to a 3rd year, I can say it seems to improve each year -- you can do this!
I'm so sorry you were alone today (I'm alone this weekend too). I'd come be your buddy!

Residency did get better, but there will always be the disappointment of thinking he's finally coming home, and then he decides to stay late to do a c-section for that special patient. It's ok... as DS#1 said the other day - "I like when Daddy goes to work and helps people feel better."

Having your own life with the kids makes all the difference. We usually keep up a daily schedule of fun activities. A few months ago, we had some major disruptions, and it has become abundantly clear how much harder life is when I don't plan, plan, plan for the kids and myself. We're trying to start up the schedule again this week. Taking the kids to church by yourself can feel especially lonely! Good job for keeping it up, and for having so many other activities with them.

I don't plan for DH, or I hold the plans very loosely. And we almost never celebrate holidays on the actual day. We have our family traditions, but if we go pick out flowers for my planter boxes sometime within a couple weeks of Mother's Day, I consider it a good holiday - and even more fun because we're celebrating on our own special day. Ha!

[GreyhoundsRUs]

One of the spouses in the programs is struggling right now with being a single parent...one of her friends told her that she's just "spousally impaired" I hope you guys are able to enjoy the little time you do end up getting!

[TigerLily]

Thanks for all the encouragement. He has been given tomorrow off. like off...as in, he does not have to go to the hospital for work at all. not even for a second. He needs it just as much as I do. I can't wait! I wish I lived in a neighborhood of all of you guys so I could just go knock on the neighbors door and say MY DAY SUCKS I MISS MY HUSBAND and someone would understand and probably miss their husband too!

Zoe...my DH is an attending and your post is my life, however I usually describe myself as a "single mom w/comfortable finances."

same here - I say "I'm like a single mom who doesn't have to worry about how to pay the bills (which is a HUGE difference and makes it all much more acceptable)."

[ladymoreta]

What a relief! Enjoy tomorrow. It definitely depends on the program, but I hope yours gets better. For DH, PGY-2 was the worst as far as schedules, but I think it's pretty common for intern year to be the hardest.

Hang in there! It can get tough, but there are some relief at times. I have gotten used to that a day off doesn't really mean that. It means he's not scheduled for work per say, but that does not mean he won't have to do work at home (study), field calls (even if he's not on call), go in to the hospital to check on things or have to go in on a case to operate. So, I too have been frustrated dealing with the "off day" but not really off. The Chief year for us has been the worst, there is really no such things as a day off. I try to keep myself busy and focused on other things. I found that if I'm showing my frustration at him having to do work on his day off, it really adds more stress to him.

So hang in there! Try to stay positive! Plus everyone here is a great support and have really made my rough days easier!

[Finding Equanimity]

Like others have said, hang in there! My DH is in surgery and it has gotten better as he progressed in residency, although I'm not sure if it's entirely the schedule getting better or just the fact that I'm more used to him being absent. Unfortunately, I am fully prepared to be back in PGY-1 work-like-crazy mode when DH is an attending, but I do look forward to making our life a bit more comfortable for him when he does eventually get home!