what to discuss on meetings/conferences/meet-ups with DH's medical collegues?

[labmouse]

Being a stay at home wife (with no kids at the moment) and not working due to visa restraints (i am a resident alien on J2 visa) and not having many socializing opportunities at home, i sometimes dread going out with a bunch of highly educated MDs (namely DH's collegues) due to lack of conversation worthy topic.. most DH's collegues are single, working peds resident, there are some doctor's wife who are unfortunately doctors themselves as well.. so whenever they all meet up... the conversation is always about work, wards, rotations, sick patients, interesting cases, meds, other residents, attending attitutes, rounding etc etc... and so i will be sitting in a group of people, trying not to feel alone and trying to understand the medical terms and chip into their conversation whenever possible (very very few brief moments)...Can anyone suggest any good topics to start off in such meetings?.. i hate being a dumbo wife during meeting... just to be introduced as - this is my wife.. she stays at home... it sucks... I used to have a good circle of friends... now i don't... because they are in a different country. So please, suggest something? thanks...

[Tenacious_D]

Funny enough, I pride myself on getting MD's not to talk about medical stuff. When we host events for DH's co workers, I always ask people what are they into outside of the hospital and what were their passions before med school, residency etc. You would be amazed at how excited people get when they get to talk about who they really are. You also find out a lot of cool things about what people used to do before medicine became their lives....musicians, writers, couch potatoes etc. Also, try not to go in feeling intimidated about their "intelligence"...it's overrated. Have fun and go in with a positive attitude and you will enjoy yourself so much more.

[ladymoreta]

Great advice from Tenacious_D! Also, you can try to do a daily scan of top news stories (CNN, Wall Street Journal, and maybe a local news website).

[scarlett09]

TenD and LadyM gave some great advice about conversation starters! When I started meeting DH's colleagues last year, I felt much the same way you did (minus the intelligence factor). I started out with asking them about where they were from and asking follow-up questions about it (i.e, what it is known for, favorite places there, etc.). It is a good way to learn about places to visit (or not) in the US! Then I asked where they did their undergrad and med school, usually this lead them to ask me where I was from, did my schooling, etc. This is what worked for me. I am very comfortable with a good number of DH's colleagues, particularily those in his year. They, in turn, enjoy seeing me, as most people don't bring their spouses around too much, and they try hard to involve me in the conversation (if it is not medical related).

I do try and pay attention to the medical conversations that they are having - I might pick up some important info about a rotation DH hasn't had yet or learn more about the attendings he is working with. And DH doesn't always come home and tell me everything that happened at work, so I feel that their conversations give me some insight on what is going on at the hospital.

Good luck! Just be yourself! I'm sure they will love you!!

[medpedspouse]

The goal for me at these gatherings is to talk about something other than medicine. If you don't, you will notice the conversations remain the same just the patient/attending/diagnosis change. Sad really. But if you sit through them long enough, you too will be able to join in because you'll already know the "punchline" sort of speak.

Totally agree about talking about things other than medicine. It is hard though - especially if you get there last and the little circles of conversation have formed already. I found it easier to engage one or two people at a time.

How about hosting a gathering and announcing that it is a medicine free zone?

[v-girl]

The dept admin asst for DH's dept is a latina raised in America (like me), loves to bake (like me) and would much rather go out dancing than sit around with a bunch of doctors (like me). We were like BFFs at the dept cookout in August. ha ha!

I wish I had some tips. I always just find another wife (or even a husband) who is not in medicine and we chat about anything but medicine.

Funny enough, I pride myself on getting MD's not to talk about medical stuff........ Also, try not to go in feeling intimidated about their "intelligence"...it's overrated. Have fun and go in with a positive attitude and you will enjoy yourself so much more.

I totally agree!!! FWIW, if I can't gently nudge them off the topic of medicine, I'll help them away with a sledgehammer and a few jokes. It's THEM who are being boring. There is a whole world out there, and only talking medicine is just more evidence of their tunnel vision.

As to the intelligence factor, I've yet to meet a doc who married a nitwit (w/the exception of the mid-life crisis trophy wives, but I've not met any of those personally). I didn't even go to college, and I don't feel remotely intimidated by people with lots of letters behind their name.

[Malpka]

I find so many MD's to come off as ignorant, because they have so little time to follow current events. Bring a few up, and watch 'em folunder! LOL.

I find so many MD's to come off as ignorant, because they have so little time to follow current events. Bring a few up, and watch 'em folunder! LOL.

Totally! I've tried mentioning big news stories as conversation-starters only to be met by blank stares. I usually just go with, "so what are you up to these days outside of the hospital?" and hope there is a hobby or family or vacation or something in there we can talk about.

[OrionGrad]

Maybe it's just the people at DH's program, but the Jersey Shore seems to be a topic that pretty much everyone can chime in on. I have no idea how it always comes up, but somehow the latest antics of Snookie, the Situation, or Pauly D always make their way into conversation at our get-togethers. (Although I wouldn't necessarily recommend bringing up the topic out of the blue, that might seem weird.)

[labmouse]

hah.. thanks everyone... it's true that many of those doctors out there don't even know what's happening around their neighborhood.. much less watching FOX news or whatsoever... The only news my DH told me recently is the Similac powder recall.. and that also has to do with his work.. these people are in their medical shells... anyway.. yup.. you guys are right.. i shall try my best to enforce a no-medical nonsense lunch/dinner... and yes to scarlett.. DH rarely talks about work when he is home.. he declares home as home and not a place to discuss about workplace stress... so sometimes i do get useful infomation from meetings with his collegues..

medpedspouse... you are right.. that's what i do most often... i engage with a couple doc's wife that i manage to catch...but i just wish that i can join into the bigger circle of chatting and not just chatting with the same person everytime we meet up...

[Lala]

I hate when you're in a group socializing and you're the only one who's not in medicine. The conversation inevitably will always turn to medicine eventually. I don't mind if they are talking about general stuff like call schedules or where they want to do their fellowships etc, but I find it so rude when they talk about really technical stuff, so I have no idea what they are saying. Just keep in mind though, it's not you, it's them! They should be respectful enough to recognize that not everyone knows about or wants to talk about medicine all the time!

[Tenacious_D]

If I don't understand something being discussed among medical folk, I stop them and ask what that means. It's not just medicine...when people are with co-workers they gave their own lexicon...I just make sure to stop and ask questions so I don't get annoyed. I do it when I am with my teacher friends, my mother does it when she talks about the post office etc...if you let it bother you, you will never want to attend a medical event again. I learned that after avurar of med school and decided I would change the way I dealt with it all.

If I don't understand something being discussed among medical folk, I stop them and ask what that means. It's not just medicine...when people are with co-workers they gave their own lexicon...I just make sure to stop and ask questions so I don't get annoyed. I do it when I am with my teacher friends, my mother does it when she talks about the post office etc...if you let it bother you, you will never want to attend a medical event again. I learned that after avurar of med school and decided I would change the way I dealt with it all.

LD - I love you. Are you sure you don't want to live in Kansas?? xoxoxo

[Tenacious_D]

If you can promise me you won't leave Kansas, I'm there . Btw, you just made my day!