Not attending a wedding

[GreyhoundsRUs]

So tomorrow I have a wedding in Chicago. The weather is looking pretty crappy between here and there. As of right now, I am anticipating that I will NOT be going...oh well. I was looking forward to the wedding, but looking forward to other Chicago things more :-/ My question is, what is the proper etiquette for not attending a wedding? I originally just RSVP'ed for me and not DH anyway - so it would be one person missing if that makes a difference.

I don't know what the proper thing may be to do. But if it is a really good friend, of course I would call and let her know personally I was unable to attend because I was...under the weather, etc....

But if it's just a friend, I would send a nice card congratulating her on the marriage and your sorry that you were not able to attend for personal reasons ( i don't think you need to be specific). I think once all the wedding and honeymoon is all over, and she has time to read your card, she will appreciate your thoughtfulness even though you were not able to formally attend, and know that you just didn't blow her off.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

She was a good friend in high school (a decade ago), but I only talk to her about once a year. I wouldn't have been surprised if I wasn't invited to the wedding to begin with...if that makes any sense...

[L.Jane]

I think due to food and number counts, its polite to let them know you are not coming. They also can move seats in the seating chart to fill for empty spaces. I think people realize when they do a December wedding in Chicago, they are setting themselves up for the possibility of bad weather.

[SuzySunshine]

I agree just call or drop her an e-mail and let her know that because of the weather you're not going to make it. This storm is supposed to drop a large range of snow, I wouldn't chance it either.

[MrsK]

I don't think it matters how close you are. You should be curtious either way. Do your best to let her know asap for the reasons LJ described and follow up with a card.

I agree with sending an email or calling as soon as possible since she may want to rearrange seating. I'd also send a formal handwritten note expressing regret in not being able to attend.

[scrub-jay]

Seating and food count matters. I'd either send an email (and follow up with a card) or give her a call. I had one guest at my wedding who couldn't make it because his grandfather passed away and I appreciated that he called to let me know. Good luck.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I don't think it matters how close you are. You should be curtious either way. Do your best to let her know asap for the reasons LJ described and follow up with a card.

I agree with this - I just didn't know if it changed "how" Should I wait until tonight to see what the storm drops or just make the decision now?

[scarlett09]

I agree with this - I just didn't know if it changed "how" Should I wait until tonight to see what the storm drops or just make the decision now?

I agree with what everyone else has said. Family friends of ours (husband and wife) decided not to come the week of the wedding - his father passed away a couple days before. Obviously, they didn't reach out to me directly, we kind of knew once he passed away that they wouldn't be coming.

I say make the decision at some point today. I would be stressed out on the day of the wedding if people were contacting me and telling me they weren't coming and I had to make changes to food count and seating (which you usually can't make on the day of anyway, you've already paid for a certain amount of food and seats with a final headcount).

[MrsK]

I agree with this - I just didn't know if it changed "how" Should I wait until tonight to see what the storm drops or just make the decision now?

The day before my wedding, I ran into one of my guests while waiting in line at the bank. We were chatting and I told him that I was getting a cashier's check for the caterer because our final headcount was due that day. He knew then that he was unable to attend though he had replied that he would. He didn't tell me because "he didn't want to stress me out." I would have preferred that he told me so that I could have rearranged the seating and saved a little money.

I don't think the closeness of the relationship affects the "how" you tell her either. She feels close enough to you to invite you to her wedding. You should let her know asap if your plans have changed. At this point, she will have already put a lot of thought and expense into inviting you and making arrangements for you to be there.

[SoonerTexan]

I'd try and tell her. We had some people not show up and while losing the $$ was annoying, the biggest deal was that it messed with my seating chart--2 tables only had 2 people and I felt awful.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I made the decision - I'm not going. I emailed her because I don't have her cell phone number. I'll be sending the card/gift to her. Oh winter

Thanks for your perspectives and advice!

[DCJenn]

My parents were married in the middle of a blizzard in December in Pennsylvania. Half their guests couldn't make it- it happens, especially in the winter in cold states.

J.