Departmental Holiday Party Dress Code

[GrayMatterWife]

Crap! Just got an invite to a "pre-party" at the res. directors house...

They had a party at the beginning of the year for all the 1's and 2's - but DH went himself, and I know he didn't bring anything...the pressure is on

THis is not a do-or-die thing. Just a nice touch, if can be done subtly and organically, without looking like you're trying too hard.

I got a dress from Anthropologie that I'm wearing. Our party is this Sunday, for all the physicians. I was warned that many of the men wear tuxes. I took that to heart when I bought my dress. (insert HUGE grin!)

Our department party is always coat and tie and girls are in dresses. Simple cocktail, seasonally appropriate, doesn't have to be boring just not covered in glitter and rhinestones

For a party at an attendings house- dress is pretty much the same. I definitely would not wear jeans to either event. Wear something you would normally wear, being yourself with make you the most comfortable and confident and that is what is important.

Wear a chic, conservative, black (or other dark color) cocktail dress (think a sheath dress from Ann Taylor or something like that) with subtle but distinctive complementary jewelry, fashionable but not showy heels, and flawless makeup (you know, when it's done to make you look "natural"). Do not wear anything that will make you look outwardly sexy (but also do not look frumpy) and do not wear anything more expensive than any of the attendings' wives will wear.

And bring something appropriate as a hostess gift--a lovely bouquet, wine, something that like.

Good luck. I've got mine on Saturday.

This is what I was thinking. I've got a black cocktail dress from White House Black Market and it's got a little ruffle, conservative cleavage and comes to just above the knee. That and black pumps with sassy (and yet subtle) silver heels. It is at the only female attending's house which some how makes me more nervous. Do you think that a homemade hostess gift is too much? It's what I usually bring to friends houses' but I don't want to come across like a kiss ass. I found this bomb gingerbread cookie recipe that's super easy and I was thinking about bringing those in a pretty box. You would think that as a grown woman with her own career I wouldn't be so damn nervous about the whole thing. I mean they are just people after all. But people who can (and occasionally do) make my husband's life a living hell...

[Sheherezade]

do not wear anything more expensive than any of the attendings' wives will wear.

As an attending wife (for 7 years now!), this makes me giggle. People would find it difficult to find cheaper clothing than me. I'm a fashion disaster and a cheapskate to boot. I'd never be upset if someone was wearing a better outfit than me - nor would the department head's wife or the division director's wife. Don't overthink it. Around here, it seems the residents and their spouses are always dressed more nicely than the attendings. I've always just thought that it was because they were younger, kid-free and had more time to shop. I've never heard a word from an attending spouse against a resident's spouse about their outfit. Most attending spouses I know don't talk about those things.

[weeniegeniewife]

As an attending wife (for 7 years now!), this makes me giggle. People would find it difficult to find cheaper clothing than me. I'm a fashion disaster and a cheapskate to boot. I'd never be upset if someone was wearing a better outfit than me - nor would the department head's wife or the division director's wife. Don't overthink it. Around here, it seems the residents and their spouses are always dressed more nicely than the attendings. I've always just thought that it was because they were younger, kid-free and had more time to shop. I've never heard a word from an attending spouse against a resident's spouse about their outfit. Most attending spouses I know don't talk about those things.

Word!! Same here.

As an attending wife (for 7 years now!), this makes me giggle. People would find it difficult to find cheaper clothing than me. I'm a fashion disaster and a cheapskate to boot. I'd never be upset if someone was wearing a better outfit than me - nor would the department head's wife or the division director's wife. Don't overthink it. Around here, it seems the residents and their spouses are always dressed more nicely than the attendings. I've always just thought that it was because they were younger, kid-free and had more time to shop. I've never heard a word from an attending spouse against a resident's spouse about their outfit. Most attending spouses I know don't talk about those things.

Yeah - that actually made me giggle (and immediately think of Angie). The only fancy-schmancy attending wives I've ever seen are either old-school, or the 2nd (3rd, or 4th) trophy-wife who came as part of a mid-life crisis package deal. Otherwise, most of the attending wives I've encountered have been incredibly level-headed, and gowns and the like are entirely off of their radar.

[Pollyanna]

Heehee, too funny to suggest that attending wives would even notice. Maybe because in attendinghood you are actually paying down debt and have no extra money to worry about fancy shmancy clothes.

[Meenah]

Made me giggle too. If I had a holiday party I would be showing you my new table saw and all of the half-finished crap in my old, falling apart house, while in my nice jeans and t-shirt!!!!!

[Auspicious]

*whew!* That's a relief.

[diggitydot]

I agree -- don't over think the whole shebang. Chances are that you care about what you wear far more than anyone else will. Barring anything that looks like it belongs on a pole in Vegas, I'm sure you'll look fabulous.

This time of year (and living within lake-effect snow range), I'm all about the cute sweater dress. There are a ton of styles out right now and they can be dressed up or down, depending on the event. But take my advice with a grain of salt -- I'm always cold so my first thought is about preventing my ass from freezing.

[GrayMatterWife]

I was responding specifically to te context of NSGs, since the OP's DH is in nSG. The residency is so long and the line between an attending and even a senior-level resident is so pronounced. It would just be weird for a resident's wife to be dressed better than an attending's wife. I doubt anyone would care all that much or anything. I just think that it is best to default to a more modest presentation. Maybe it's because mt husband has to show so much deference to his attendings.

[DCJenn]

It's definitely better to be slightly under-dressed than over-dressed in my experience.

The LBD can go a long way to fit in just about anywhere- it's all about accessories.

And, as a military attending's wife, there are elements of that level of formality left, especially in the Army. Mrs. Colonel will always be Mrs. Colonel to me until she tells me otherwise. He can tell me all he wants that her name is Becky but until she does? It's Mrs. Colonel. Especially in formal and/or military settings. There's a reason why there are "General Officer Parking" spaces. (I joke that MY husband is a 'general officer' but he doesn't even find that funny- that's how big a deal it is.)

J.

I was responding specifically to te context of NSGs, since the OP's DH is in nSG. The residency is so long and the line between an attending and even a senior-level resident is so pronounced. It would just be weird for a resident's wife to be dressed better than an attending's wife. I doubt anyone would care all that much or anything. I just think that it is best to default to a more modest presentation. Maybe it's because mt husband has to show so much deference to his attendings.

I was totally picking up what you were putting down. And this is EXACTLY why I am more concerned than perhaps appears normal. I am a relatively confident person but this NSG gig is more than just a little intimidating and that's because they (as in attendings) want it to be. Not to say all other departments are laid back but in my experience NSGs are all "old school" by definition and I wouldn't put it past the attendings or their wives to judge my husband and I on some little flaw we failed to notice. It's bad enough I'm an aspiring criminal defense attorney, I need to make sure my appearance doesn't compound the problem! Thanks for the advice, I plan on dressing conservatively and leaving my one fancy pants coat at home (I bought if for $50 but I kid you not the original price tag was $3k, best bargain ever).

[GrayMatterWife]

It's bad enough I'm an aspiring criminal defense attorney . . .

Honestly, FWIW, from one attorney-married-to-a-NSG-resident to another, I wouldn't share this specific, unless you really know the person you're talking to. A general "I just entered the practice, so I am generalizing right now" would work well. The NSG attendings honestly won't care anything about you...it's enough trouble to remember your husband's last name--you're just another blah-blah-blah face that they will talk to for a few minutes to make it through the social occasion, but the conversation should be pretty superficial and survivable...unless you say something they think they have a well-educated (and usually critical) opinion about. I'd stay away from saying anything that could be a negative, like going into criminal defense work. Although this is overly generalizing, you run the risk that they believe their work is righteous and beneficial to humanity and...a person who "gets off" criminals...not so much. Although it would be better than being a PI attorney, DEFINITELY. While most of the folks will be very nice and will just remember, "Oh, she's the lawyer" if they remember anything at all, why risk being remembered by some attending (who holds some grudge against attorneys, anyway) as the One Who Is Evil?

I spend a lot of time speaking very generally and excusing myself for more Coca-Cola and desserts.