Hello everyone (new member here)

Hi,

I am new to this board. I guess I am not really a "spouse," and my girlfriend is just about to go in to her first year of medical school. That being said, I probably can't relate to alot of the residency issues or full-fledged doctor issues.

However, it would seem that many of you have been in my position before. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't scared. To be honest, I am pretty freaked out. I have never been the best person with change, and I have a feeling that I am going to be getting a big does of it in the coming years.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. I feel very committed to her. It looks like we will be doing the long distance thing for a year perhaps, until I can get all my stuff together (I am planning to go to graduate school of my own next year.) Also, we are the type of couple who spends a couple nights a week together, usually 3 nights a week probably. In that case, hopefully we don't have that far to fall as far as time spent together goes.

I guess that I just wanted to introduce myself. I have a feeling that I will be posting more in the future. I have a feeling that I will need some people who have gone through similar things to lean on. Also, I was hoping that people could try to give me some advice as to things that I might want to do to make this part of the medical journey a bit easier. This place is a great tool for people, its good that there is somewhere that the "medical spouse" can be welcome as well.

D

[Michele]

Welcome! I'm Michele (3rd year vet student) and Russ (2nd year med student) is my husband. We were there last year, and it definitely helps that I am just as busy as he is. But I'm more emotionally needy than he is and so I feel the effects of us being apart a lot faster than he does. We are lucky to be in the same school and field so that a lot of our studies are related. Some of our time together is spent discussing the differences in animal and human care for the same condition and how things are the same and different. But the biggest thing I've learned here at iMSN is that we'll get through this.

Michele

My name is Nellie and my husband is doing a dermatology research fellowship prior to his derm residency which will start July 2004. We have a 3 yo daughter.

Well, if you've been together for 4 years that certainly counts for something!
From my perspective medical school was both better and worse than I expected but it netted out to being better than expected. The hardest change for me occured at the very beginning. My husband had been in the working world for a few years and was out of the school routine/habit. Read: He had evenings and weekends free and we spent a lot of time together. Getting back into a class schedule, studying, the stress and pressure, etc was hard for him. He was worried that he wasn't cut out for medical school, everyone else had a better idea of what they were doing, they were smarter than him, and other generally unhappy thoughts. He lost 15 pounds in about 6 weeks 8O . But that is the end of the horror story. This only lasted for the first quarter and he was doing better once the second quarter had started. We agreed that he would give it his best for 6 months and then we would re-evaluate. Once six months came up, I don't think we even talked about it because he was doing fine.
One of the other things that made starting medical school difficult was his educational background. He had no anatomy or physiology experience as he majored in molecular biology and minored in biochem. So, anatomy kicked his butt. Most of the people on his anatomy team had backgrounds in anatomy or environmental/organism based biology. And a few wanted to be surgeons so they were total gunners in anatomy. This issue largely dissapated by the end of anatomy and his background benefited him in other classes.

Other than a rocky start, medical school was not as bad as I expected. Once I realized that he just needed a lot of support and a listening ear for the first few months it wasn't too bad. For me, as a spouse, I had to find ways to keep myself entertained. I was really used to us spending so much time together and him having free time. If you are accustomed to seeing each other 3 nights a week -- that seems reasonable to me. Some nights may be cut short for studying, especially around exams.

That's fine that you are not a spouse! There are quite a few girlfriends/boyfriends who are part of this community.

[Auspicious]

That's fine that you are not a spouse! There are quite a few girlfriends/boyfriends who are part of this community.

Me, me, me! I'm a girlfriend and they haven't kicked me out yet.

Freaked out is a normal and healthy reaction to your situation, I think. My boyfriend was getting ready to start med school a year ago, and it certainly seemed a little overwhelming. We hadn't been together nearly as long as you, though, so for us it was kind of a fork in the road that said "it's time to either get in this relationship, or get out of it" and I wasn't sure if staying was going to be the right decision or not. I remember saying to him "it seems like I either watch while you get swallowed up by med school or we break up, but I lose you either way." That turned out to not be true--our relationship has gotten much stronger this year, despite how busy he's been. I'm glad I stuck around, because it would have been a shame if I'd missed out on this time with him.

I think sometimes the the anticipation of a big change can be scarier than actually going through it--not knowing what the future holds or you might navigate it, etc. That's where this board is so helpful to people just starting out; it gives you some good glimpses of what generally lies ahead and how others have successfully handled it.

It's good that you have big plans of your own next year, and that you're used to being somewhat independent of one another. And although I don't wish that my boyfriend and I were in a long-distance relationship, there are times when he's studying or stressing out for long periods of time in the apartment when it would be easier and less disruptive for me if he were doing those things elsewhere so I could do my own thing instead of watching him stress out and being unable to help. So even a long-distance relationship will have it's pros to go along with the cons.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Welcome to the site. My husband and I did 2 years long distance when we were dating. We were 5 1/2 hrs apart and although it was difficult at times,
it was something to look forward to when we would have a visit planned.
How far apart will you and your girlfriend be, hopefully not too far?
What are you thinking of going to grad school for?
I think it's good that you two are already in an established solid relationship instead of just starting out(as I was in our long distance period) I think that helps ease the stress of being apart. Anyhow - glad you found the site, a lot of good ears and advice here.
-Sherri

Thanks for the welcome..

I appreciate that everyone is so welcoming here. My guess is that you guys will be seeing a good deal more of me in the future. Now, to answer a few questions.. My girlfriend will probably be going all the way across the country. We currently live in CA, and she will be moving to Philly. So, I don't think I will be able to see her very often. As I mentioned before, after 1 year, I will move to be with her. At that point I will start doing my own graduate school thing. I am going to be getting a master's in School Psychology and at the same time get certified to practice in schools. That is my dream!

Just figured I would answer a few of the questions, and give a thanks to everyone. I will be checking in.

D

[PrincessFiona]

Welcome

Welcome aboard, D...and...you and lunatic should both post to jlynnb (Jennifer)..she has a Master's in Psych and is considering a PhD in school psychology Wow...good thing we'll have all of these psychologists around here...someone should REALLY think about going and getting a PhD in Clinical ... then we could all be 'cured'

D, you sound as medical spousey as the rest of us! We come in all forms...married, engaged, dating...pre-med, med, residency, fellowship, attending..

Again..welcome to the group..you'll fit right in!

kris

....

Lunatic,

It is looking like my girlfriend will be going to Jefferson Medical College. What do you know about the area, is it nice? Is it affiliated with where your husband is at?

As far as school psychology, I picked it for a few reasons. FIrst, I have been working with high schoolers for the past few years and (believe it or not) I would like to continue to do so. Secondly, I think that I could do a good job. Lastly, the pay is fairly good, especially considering that most school psychologists work for around 190-200 days a year. As of right now, if my girlfriend is going to end up going to Jefferson, I will apply to Rowan University for the Fall of 2004.

D

Hi there,
My fiance and I do the long distance relationship as well, and he actually attends Jefferson. He just completed his first year and is gearing up for year number 2. I live on Long Island and work in NYC, but I will be moving to the Philadelphia area after we get married this upcoming June.
Jefferson is in a very good location. It is in "center city" where you are in walking distance from Olde City, where you have all the historic buildings (indepedence hall, liberty bell, etc.) and also pretty close to Pat's and Geno's famous philly cheesesteaks! Yum We have yet to decide where we'll be living, but it looks like we'll be moving to the outskirts of Philly. City living is not for us, but it could be for you.
As far as being a supporter of a med student, yes you are going to go through some bumps and bruises, but it all heals. If you really love your significant other than of course it is worth it. All in all we have been together for almost five years, and doing the LDR for a little over a year. I see this period of our lives as yet another "test" and so far so good. Because once this test is over, there are going to be hundreds of others. I'm just glad this one is almost over Have a good one.
Jen