Calling all Catholics

[DCJenn]

OK- back story- one of the teachers died suddenly this week. The Rosary and Mass was tonight. We opted to only go to the Mass.

I was expecting at some point a homily or eulogy or something. We stayed until they blessed the Eucharist because all of our Catholic friends in the 'hood said that if you're not Catholic, there's not much point in staying after that. (they also said that if there was going to be an open casket it would have been at the Rosary so that's why we didn't go- we figured two 6 year olds didn't need that)

I was waiting for something personal, though. and I overheard someone say that while they were doing the Mysteries- there were more that were left out. There were five- and it did seem like they skipped some because they went from Jesus resurrection to Mary's going to Heaven and I thought whole lot more went in on in between. and also, exactly how many Hail Mary verses are there for each. It seemed like it was a different number each time.

So thanks in advance. You know my religious education and my attendance at the local Episcopal church ended at the exact same time. (6th grade)

Jenn

[v-girl]

I am so sorry about the loss of the teacher.

There are 10 Hail Marys per decade. It sounds like they did the Glorious Mysteries (1: Resurrection; 2: Ascension of Jesus to Heaven; 3: Descent of the Holy Ghost; 4: Assumption of Mary; 5: Mary is Crowned as Queen). As far as the Mass, if it was an actual funeral Mass, the family may or may not opt to have someone speak about the loved one. I know that doesn't answer everything, but I hope it helps some.

[DCJenn]

That helps! It was standing room only and people kept leaving and more people would come and sit which is completely unlike any funeral I've ever been to before (stiff upper lip Presbyterian or I was so far up front w/ the family that I didn't see what happened behind me.)

Of course, it didn't help that when we were walking in to the church, Nikolai tool one look at the hearse and said loudly, "Mommy, look at that fancy car!!"

Thanks for answering my stupid questions.

Jenn

[v-girl]

Definitely not stupid questions! I'm happy to help!

[SoonerTexan]

I've never been to a funeral, so I'm not much help. Does sound like the glorious mysteries though.

[SoonerTexan]

I defer to Wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosary

I haven't prayed the rosary in a long time. Might be time to do it again.

[SuzySunshine]

Everything Veronica said - at DH's grandfather's funeral the priest gave a little bit of a eulogy during the mass where the homily would go but no one from DH's family chose to speak, I've seen them both ways.

[GrayMatterWife]

Everything Veronica said - at DH's grandfather's funeral the priest gave a little bit of a eulogy during the mass where the homily would go but no one from DH's family chose to speak, I've seen them both ways.

This is an interesting conversation to me, for two reasons.

First, my priest has spoken about the rite of the Christian funeral a lot lately. Many Anglicans (like many people in the modern Western world, I think) find death distasteful. Talking about death makes people feel down, depressed and so forth--something to be avoided and protected from. So, the idea of a memorial (remembering the life of the person) has overtaken the funeral (committing the person's soul to God). By doing this, the "death" part of death is not the focus. The focus becomes about the person's life, rather than about God's purpose in death, and suggests that people should find comfort and meaning in death by remembering who the person was in life, rather than what God is doing with the person after he has passed. My priest encourages putting more "funeral" into the funeral and memorial. It's one of those things that irks him.

Second, my grandmother passed away recently, and my parents and my uncle (who are not particularly religious) are not having a funeral for her. They don't think anyone other than family would come, because she was very elderly and most of her friends have passed away. And they don't really want to go through the formality and headache of a funeral, since it would be a downer and is not really important to them. So, instead, we are having a big family dinner sometime in May, to remember her, share stories, etc. (Her ashes will be placed in the columbariam in June, but there is no service involved with doing this). I am keeping my thoughts to myself, because this is really my dad and uncle's call, but I am having a very hard time with what they've decided to do. I really feel a gap in the mourning process--for me, not going through the rite of the funeral is like not doing what needs to be done to put her to rest. Not for her, but for those she left behind. I really want the chance to publicly recognize her death and her soul's commitment to God--that is more important that who she was while she was with us. Our lives on earth are limited; our lives in eternity are forever and should be celebrated and remembered as part of the Christian experience.

All this to say, it is not uncommon that the funeral itself is not super-personalized, like a memorial. Unless there is something radically different between Roman Catholic and Anglican views on this, I believe that the point of the two are different. The memorial is optional (but often overly emphasized) and the funeral is a rite.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I really feel a gap in the mourning process--for me, not going through the rite of the funeral is like not doing what needs to be done to put her to rest. Not for her, but for those she left behind. I really want the chance to publicly recognize her death and her soul's commitment to God--that is more important that who she was while she was with us. Our lives on earth are limited; our lives in eternity are forever and should be celebrated and remembered as part of the Christian experience.

This!

Funerals, wakes, memorial services are for "us" not "them". You are not alone in feeling this way! Would it be possible to have everyone go to mass together before the big dinner, and have the mass said in her memory? I know it's not the same, though. Hugs!

[v-girl]

This!

Funerals, wakes, memorial services are for "us" not "them". You are not alone in feeling this way! Would it be possible to have everyone go to mass together before the big dinner, and have the mass said in her memory? I know it's not the same, though. Hugs!

I agree. And I like Jen's idea.

::hugs::

[diggitydot]

As another not terribly religious person, your dad and uncle may be completely unaware of your opinion. Truly, it wouldn't occur to me to consider the issue because it isn't on my radar. Maybe broach the subject with them gently and see if they're open to the idea of a funeral for the benefit of the more religious family members? They may not think that it's a big deal to anyone.

[DCJenn]

Abigail-

We struggled with the decision about what to do for my grandmother as well. In her case, my grandmother left both the Methodist church (after she married my grandfather who was very active in the Presbyterian church in the 'burgh) and the Presbyterian church and had no particular affiliation after that. We opted to do the family memorial because it seemed so much more like what she would want. Sadly, she left the Presbyterian church because the minister was so incompetent during my grandfather's last days and then his funeral was AWFUL. It was literally "insert name here" funeral service and it was clear that he knew nothing about my grandfather or the family. It was so disappointing for her.

Funerals and weddings always bring out the skeletons, don't they?

I can see how the service from last night could be very soothing. The family was clearly helped by the Priests and the service itself. When we came home last night we drove past the school and the sign in front said, "we love you Mrs. Martinez." All of the teachers were there and the principal and all of the PTA officers (me included.) This is going to hurt for a while at that school.

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

Would it be possible to have everyone go to mass together before the big dinner, and have the mass said in her memory? I know it's not the same, though. Hugs!

Didn't mean to create an "it's all about ME!" threadjack (sorry!). The memorial dinner will be in my sister's hometown of Denver, where she does not go to church. And I doubt I could raise any interest with my other family members... But, I have coordinated with our priest here, and one of the masses in the next few weeks will be said in her memory. Thanks for asking. I really appreciate it. Death is hard.

[GrayMatterWife]

Funerals and weddings always bring out the skeletons, don't they?

Boy, oh, boy. Ain't that the truth!!