a little rant.......(or a big one)

I am a registered nurse. I was a registered nurse? I met my husband in the hospital, we fell in love.....well you know the story, however I have now essentially sacrificed my career to be with him. It is a sacrifce I am willing to make, but I feel there needs to be some recognition to this? or even acknowledgment would be nice. We moved to Australia (from NZ) after I had been a in the same ward for 2 and half years, I finally started feeling like I wasnt the baby anymore and I knew what I was talking about, I actually felt like I was quite good at what I did. When we moved to Australia, I felt like it was my first day all over again, I was the baby again, I felt like I knew nothing and for what I did know it was not well appreciated. I dreamed of my working life of previous. Because we move hospitals, cities, countrys nearly every year, I can not advance in my career, I cant move up the ladder. Im stuck in limbo land, thus when we moved to England I decided not to nurse while we are here. Something im struggling with, I want to nurse, I want to advance in my career but really feel there is no way to do this at present. I was met by Mr PM with little understanding over this decision, even though he was the one that held me, supported me, wiped my tears through the horrible times in Australia. I told him I hated nursing, I wanted to do something that gave me passion, made me actually want to go to work and not feel like I need to take a tub of anti-depressents to get me there in the morning............I was met with resistance, you have to get a job blah blah blah. money money money. I have tried to explain to him that I am essentially grieving for a career I thought I would go far in, I enjoyed. Is it so wrong to feel like I need a little recognition for this?? I gave up my career for love, for him, is a little thank you or understanding to much to ask for?

[MrsK]

Wow. This sounds like me in so many ways. However, even with my husband's graditude and understanding, it still feels awful.

[v-girl]

:hugs:

[houseelf]

Welcome to our site, Mrs. PM. I am so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately the sacrifice of a nonmedical career to support the doc is an all too common occurence. You should acknowledge your loss so that you can deal with it and move forward with your life. I'm sorry that your husband isn't currently offering you the gratitude you deserve.

You are amongst kindred spirits.

I feel for you! I have changed jobs SO many times since we have moved to 3 different states in the last 3 years. It is hard to move up on the job chain, or even find a new job and hopefully enjoy the new job. I completely understand how much it really sucks to put them first and let them finish school while you are in the shadow supporting them. I have my days that I feel lots of anger towards him but than I take a step back and know that he is doing this for a better life for both of us and sooner or later we will be in a permanent home where I can once again start moving up at my job. Best of luck, this is defiantly the place to vent, we understand!

[Meenah]

I'm so sorry, you are definitely in the right place for understanding. Is it possible to work in a different specialty with each move, to learn different types of nursing and build on your skills. This way it is OK to be the new person, because you are learning a new subset of skills.

[labmouse]

hi there. Your story rings a bell with me too. I was in biological science research before we moved from malaysia (my home country) to US for my husband's residency. I gave up my job, we got married right after his med school and moved across continents. It wasn't easy and i had hopes of settling into a new job in a new country. Sadly, my visa status and lack of available positions in my field made me stayed home. Also, the need to get a second car (if i want to start working) made me think twice about looking for a job. And DH is planning for fellowship in a whole new place which means that we would have to uproot and move again in 2 years. Stuck in limbo. The same words apply to me as well. Should i work? Should i study? Am i wasting my time? These are the questions i ask myself again and again. Without answers. The emotional transition from being in charge in the laboratory (in my research project, at least) to staying home with the mundane housechores, meal planning, laundry and bills to pay is a little depressing and sometimes i feel like i wasted my degree. But, at least DH is supportive of me staying home and recognize my effort in keeping all non-medical related things running smoothly. Hope things will turn out better for you. If not, there is always imsn as your support group. =)

[Cinderella]

I sympathize with what you're going through Mrs PM. I too am on the same merry-go-round with DrH's career. I don't know if I should get locked into a contract for a period of time which would help my career or keep myself flexible for the move. There is also my desire to go on to higher education but I don't know where we'll land his residency or where I'll be accepted. If he's not accepted here he mentioned we may have to move abroad again because he can take his creditials passing the USMLE to UAE or Saudi Arabia and still make good money with them. Not that I want that but you have to do what you have to do. Then there is the fact of our age and wanting to start a family and how to manage that. When he's in a surgery residency I may decide it is best to be a SAHM and let go of my other dreams to have our kids and raise them.

[lovelight]

I also sympathize with you - been through three jobs in three years trying to balance life with while not losing my own passion. You will find lots of support here. Hang in there.