Kudos for emptying the dishwasher?

[migirl]

John is on night call this week, so he was just getting home as I was leaving for work yesterday morning. I had just loaded and started the dishwasher, and thought about asking him to unload it when it finished its thing (since I usually make it a point to ask him when I'd like him to do it) but I didn't this time since I figured he'd probably want to just sleep all day and I would just do it when I got home.

So I got home from work yesterday afternoon and he happened to be standing in the kitchen eating some chips and one of the first things he said to me (very proudly, I might add! ) was, "I emptied the dishwasher!" So I said, "Oh, OK good, thanks," to which he looked a little disappointed. I didn't understand why until he said, "I did it without you even having to ask me!" Um, excuse me, I run this entire household and you do one little thing and think that deserves a huge congratulatory response??

I just thought it was rather amusing and had to share ...

[DCJenn]

Well, all I can say is that I feel your pain...

Jenn

Oh, dear.....

Your post reminded me of a cartoon we have hanging on the fridge -- it's a Non Sequitur cartoon from mid-April. The caption reads: Mel launches his shock and awe campaign. The picture is of a man enthusiastically saying to his wife: I changed the roll of toilet paper, took out the trash, and fed the cat without being told!

[JaneDoe]

My husband sooo does that! He thinks he deserves points for doing just about any chore around the house. It drives me crazy!

[fluffhead]

Let me just say that this is not a male phenomenon, but is probably a "working spouse" phenomenon.
(announcing occasional unsolicited completed chores and expecting rounds of applause)

I can totally relate to this story. I have found it helpful to simply and sincerely say, "I really appreciate your help," and go on with my day. I used to feel resentful about these kinds of things........but life is too short to let these little things get you down or angry. In a distorted way----he does deserve a kudos for his thoughtfulness. Also, by your volunteering encouraging support of his household duties (minimal though they may be) he is much more likely to repeat them in the future.

Also...just a tip.......Never, ever criticize or patronize in response to an uncharacteristic attempt to do anything helpful at home. I believe they truly feel badly that they don't have the time nor energy to help out more often. They realize that we are making huge sacrifices to support them in their professional pursuits---whether they verbalize it or not.

I have never found it helpful to our relationship to try to keep score on who does more, etc. We are both playing vital roles to ensure our family's future security, stability and happiness. Our roles are different......and that is ok. I simply don't expect my husband to do much of anything to help around the house because he simply doesn't have the time or energy, usually. I much prefer that he use his extra time around here to take the kids to the park, to read them stories, to cuddle with them, etc. I prioritize those activities over taking out the trash, etc. That means that most of the work around here falls into my lap. I accept that. I knew that would be the deal once he decided to apply for med school. Sometimes it does suck---by I try my darndest not to let it get me down.

I'm sorry---I feel like that sounds lecture-y. Anyway, I do understand the frustration.

[PrincessFiona]

ugh...

OK..so I can relate to this too.....My hubby tends to be the exact same way.....however, I have to compain about a slightly different tendency....He has a sort of..perfectionistic streak in him. When he comes home if something isn't done, it is all that he sees. He makes a big thing about having to tell me that it is a mess and then cleans it up. Friday, for example, I watched 6 kids total, did 5 loads of laundry, cleaned the downstairs...I think I did GOOD He came through the door and then went upstairs. The kid's rooms were messy and it is ALL he saw. There was still laundry on the floor in the laundry room so he felt the need to throw some clothes in the machine....commenting all the way about the kids rooms etc....He saw NOTHING that I did and then acted like I was supposed to give him a prize for throwing in a load of wash and vaccuming upstairs

kris

That is definitely a "guy" thing--I've seen it more times than I care to admit here at home. Recently I started doing the hero thing myself. "Guess what?! We've got long distance service! I straightened the whole mess out this afternoon and I tested it by calling my mother, so tonight you can call YOUR parents!!! Isn't that GREAT???!!!" I figure he'll either start praising me or figure out what I'm up to and stop doing it himself. I'll let you know if I'm successful. If I am, I'm going to put it in my new book "Dog Training Techniques for Husbands".