Unreasonable request?

Please help.
I need to know if I am being unreasonable. My husband is an M3 who started his rotations this past month. Friday I am scheduled to have surgery. It is relatively minor, but I will be going under for it and can expect to be pretty miserable for the next couple weeks. My mom is coming in from out of town to help me out the day of the surgery until the following day when she needs to return home. My sister is coming in from out of state Sunday night to help for the week.
This procedure has been scheduled and on the calendar for months, but yesterday my husband informed me that he will be on overnight call Saturday night- the one night my family can't be there. I'm angry because I feel like he didn't try hard enough to get that day off (not even get the day off- just not on call!). Am I being unreasonable, or is this profession truly so inflexible that he can't take call Friday or Sunday or any other day instead?
I'm putting of starting my tirade in case I am being unreasonable. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks!

[SueC]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. So far, my husband has always been able to get away in the event of a surgery no matter what rotation he has been on. Maybe since he just started his 3rd year, he is a little nervous asking for time off, but I would imagine that if his supervising resident and attending knew the situation they would understand.

[fluffhead]

He could probably plead hardship to his superiors to get it rescheduled - med students aren't seen as so essential on call anyway.
BUT - in terms of trading calls, a Saturday is definitely the toughest one to trade - nobody wants to trade a sunday or friday, and surely not a weekday, for a Saturday.
So he might be able to get it, but if he can't, cut him some slack.

[SuzySunshine]

I have to agree that you're not being unreasonable - I'm not sure how it works at his school but my husband has been able to work around things as minor as concert tickets, I'm sure if explained to his cheif resident or attending that he needs to change nights they'd understand.

Is this rotation something he's considering doing as a career? Does he need letters of recommendation from this doctors? If not, I would say he's not trying hard enough.

I'm sorry, I know how hard it is to get my husband to budge sometimes too.

I think you hit the nail on the head, Sue. I know he's been working hard and wants to keep the positive impression going. I think he is worried that asking for time off wouldn't look good. It also doesn't help that he is assigned to a "new" resident starting Friday. I think he feels like it would be starting things off on the wrong note. Arrgh.
Thanks for your thoughts. I'm trying to be understanding, and your comments help.

Tonya,
I remember that my husband was really concerned about making a good impression when he started his third year rotation. It took a little while for him to learn the ropes and how things like this are handled.

I think that he should absolutely talk to the intern or resident to whom he is assigned for the rotation. He should mention it to the intern first (for a heads up) and then talk to all of the team about it. As a third year newbie he likely won't be missed too much for one night. I would be surprised if it is much of a problem. He could even offer to come in for rounds on Saturday or something like that.
If this is a specialty he is really interested in and they seem to balk at it, he could offer to find a way to make it up. But I really doubt it would be a problem.

Hope all goes well on Friday and that you have a speedy recovery. Let us know how it goes.

[mommax3]

Tonya,

I agree with what has been said above, and I really hope you and your husband can get this worked out. I know how you feel and can really sympathize ---

When he finished residency, I was 32 weeks pregnant, so when I delivered, he was a *very* new attending and didn't want to make any waves. I was very clearly in labor (had regular contractions all night) and knew NO ONE in our new town. He got up, got ready for work, told me to pack up the kids' stuff after I got them off to school/preschool, and he would check in with me when I came into the clinic at 11:00 that morning for my regular appt. I was totally in shock and when that wore off, I was really pissed off at him. (I have to say that this was so out of character for my husband that I thought I was living in an alternate world.) Luckily, the other doctor and the nurses at his work told him to go home when he mentioned that I was probably in labor.

I copy/pasted that from the "Looking for spouse not physician" thread under "Marriage Matters". I remember so well (although it was almost two years ago) how abandoned I felt by my husband at that moment. It took us a little while to work through the fallout from that one......keep communicating with your husband through this. I am sure he is a good guy (mine is, really, despite the story above! ) and he is just trying to be everything to everyone. You and he will face this challenge more than once so communicate to him what you would like and also let him know that you understand the challenges he is facing. I think women tend to be more savvy about working things around to suit their lives and guys want to be macho and just suck it up. He may need to learn, step by step, how to approach his intern/resident and what to say. Help him figure it out this time and maybe he will do it himself next time.

I hope everything goes well for you Friday. I will be thinking of you.

Sally

My husband just started his rotations also and his first Saturday overnight call landed on our 1 year anniversary. Knowing how upset I would be, was able to trade it with another person and his supervisors were fine with it.

[Rapunzel]

Is it possible for your MS 3 husband to be off on the one Saturday post-surgery that you need him? Yes. I agree with the sentiment that he is probably scared of making "waves" by putting his wife ahead of his medical career but these decisions DO pop up from time to time and he's got to be clear to all involved where he stands. He can either find another student on his rotation to trade with (usually there is someone sympathetic to a spouse having surgery) OR speak to the powers that be about the situation. It would be nothing short of ridiculous for him to inform others of this ONE time he needs to attend to his family and then be smacked in the face for it.