Being single vs. Being a single mom

So, I'm coming to terms to the fact that I will be a single mom for the rest of time ( exaggeration) but what I'm not on board with is being "single". I've done so much the last two years alone where my husband would normally come with me: family events, parties, weekends away. Just kind of bummed about it lately. I am fine with packing up the kids and doing whatever we can but then I'm realizing mike isn't there to hang out with. What do you all do for company??

[TigerLily]

One thing that helped me a lot was being in a book club of all medical spouses. They are great because they are alone just as much as you are! and they understand what your life is like. I got a lot of "sigh...I can't feel bad for you, you're married to a doctor" from my friends. even in med school. ha.
What year is your husband? We go visit our Mike at the hospital as much as we can just so we still feel as though we know him.

[scarlett09]

Yeah, not being able to just hang out with your spouses is another suck factor of the medical life. It never really gets any better, but you do learn to adjust after awhile.

Similar to LSW, I don't really have any friends here beyond the nice peeps that my DH works with. The majority of my friends are all about 2 hours away in our previous location, so I go to visit them a lot (or we meet somewhere in the middle) - happy hours, dinners, etc. I also have season tickets for my alma mater's football games, so I really look forward to making game days all-day affairs and usually staying over at a friend's house the night before. My family is about an hour away, and I see them every once in awhile (they either drive here or I drive there).

In terms of alone time, I used to fill it with grad school, but now it's just full of job search. I also read a lot and watch TV, and now that I'm getting back on track with exercise, going to the gym. I'm hoping that this week I will dive into some other projects that need to be done around here to fill up the time while he is on night float.

[Meenah]

You will find a way to adjust, I prominse. In some specialties it doesn't necessarily get much better. In my case it helps that I am a Nurse Practitioner and work with my DH, so we at lest hang out in the hospital together! It helps that our kids are grown!

[v-girl]

I have friends who are married to other long hours career men. But honestly, I stick to family functions -- my siblings and I are super-close. Since I homeschool, we get together with friend's during the day.

[Vishenka69]

I didn't have kids in med school and residency, so being "single" was easier and not as depressing. What helped me was enlisting a male friend whose girlfriend was in grad school in another state to be my "stand-in husband". It worked for us but a bunch of our co-workers thought we were married to each other because they never saw our respective SOs.

[ladymoreta]

It is hard. I have lots of friends here, both resident spouses and not, and that helps. But... DH is my favorite person, and I miss him. My best advice is to try to make the time you have together as meaningful as possible. Go on date nights if you can, and when he's home in time, have dinner at the table. Plan chores in advance to avoid scheduling arguments. Plan in down time, and encourage him to have a little guy-time. He'll thank you for it, even though it's hard to give up his time with you.

[DCJenn]

After a year of being the de facto single mom, I can say that it's much harder when the schedule is always changing than it is when they're just GONE. Gone was gone and there was no chance of seeing him so we just did our own thing. It totally sucked but at least it was consistent suckitude.

Jenn

[GrayMatterWife]

I agree with DCJenn re: being just "gone" is easier than being in-and-out in terms of presence. My DH lives in ATL while doing a fellowship this year; the kids and I live in STL. He is coming home for 44 hours this weekend. It is only Monday and my kids are (literally) bouncing off the walls with excitement. Having him come home is like the "treat" level in par with a Christmas morning, a trip to Six Flags, and Halloween candy all rolled into one.