What do you do...

[charispina]

to feel connected to your SO?

I just sent my hubs a funny eCard while he's on night float. It isn't much, but I feel like we've barely seen each other in a month, so every little bit counts.

[v-girl]

Sit through TV shows and movies he likes when he has time to watch them. Send him text messages. He has more time now in fellowship than he did in residency but those are things I did (and still do).

[diggitydot]

Not kick his ass? Kidding, kidding!

We:

-play in a sand volleyball league during the summer

-go to his football games together (he covers a team for sports medicine)

-check in with each other if we're going to be doing something near wherever he other person happens to be. ie, I'll check to see if he wants me to being him coffee/lunch/whatev if I'm heading downtown near the clinic/hospital. He calls on his way home to see if we need anything.

-he'll call from work to talk for a few minutes if he's on-call overnight or if we haven't seen each other all day so we can check in see what's going on with each other's day.

-go lay down next to him while he's sleeping, even if I'm not tired. I don't need conversation to feel close.

-having sex is our #1 most effective (and fun) way to feel connected.

-hang with friends. We have some really great peeps here and love hanging out with them.

-occasionally have a date night with just the two of us.

[L.Jane]

hrm.. when we were long distance we would play cards online and I would send him funny jokes to his email when he was on call so he would be amused. Sadly the one that stuck with us was, "what did the ghost say to the bees? Boobees!" Yes we are just that mature.

Now that we are together we watch our shows together. Nights that he is on call he will call when he has a spare minute at work and I text him when I am about to get in bed and if he is free, he calls to say goodnight. We go out on a "date" probably once a week (meaning out to dinner). We try to find something that we enjoy going out to do once a month like Trivia night or a date with another couple. Now that he is on research year we are trying to go up to Baltimore to see friends and family at least once a month since we know once research year is over our lives go back to never seeing anyone. During the summer we have his residency's softball league and we try to go together every week. If I HAVE to play I will, but usually I cheer from the sides, or keep score.

[ladymoreta]

We text a lot, too. Random thoughts, pictures of our son, plans for dinner if he's going to be home, etc. We also try to go on dates once or twice a month without the kid. I think the most important thing we do is have dinner at the table with the TV off whenever he's home - even if we're having fast food take-out. It gives us a little time to catch up and talk, and we like to think it's helping teach DS some table manners.

[GrayMatterWife]

Oh, ugh...Do I HAVE to be so connected? He doesn't even live here and he's omnipresent... I've got his monthly rent to pay; I've got to make sure that he gets his 6-month blood tests done for the HIV/HepC exposure he got--for the 9 millionth time--a couple of months back. He has a shopping list of things he wants me to buy for him, so he can pick them up when he comes in town for 49 hours two weeks from now. He is high maintenance with high overhead. I'd really rather have less of a connection...

[MrsK]

Lately? I nag! Not something I'm proud of and hopefully something that will resolve itself once we are settled. I'm working on it.

[peggyfromwastate]

Honestly if not for our iPhones and shared family calendar with reminder texts to him programmed into the thing we would never be on the same page. He wouldn't know where we were ever-- because life goes on even while the doc is working. Now at least he knows where we've been and what activities the kids did each day... But that's how he stays connected to family life. We go on maybe 1 date a year if we are lucky. There's no time. I often feel very disconnected to dh but texting helps. He can answer when he has a chance at least.

What I do to help him feel connected is I listen to him talk about work. He needs to get it out of his system but I have to draw him out. If I didn't ask him questions he'd just study the whole time he is home.

He doesn't do much to connect to me as a person tbh. Hopefully this will change when he's done withtraining but it's an issue that really brings me down about once every2 months. I feel burdened to carry all the family activities, keep the house running, be dhs therapist, and try to keep some semblance of a relationship going... I love him but I can't stand being taken for granted and often btwn him and the kids I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels in life.

Sex and texting, but, interestingly enough, not sexting.

[MarissaNicole]

My DH doesn't have time to check his email during the day. He usually does have a second to check his phone for a text though. I also make him lunch every day, and make him dinner and sit with him when he comes home at night. (I don't wait past 8 p.m. to eat with him).

Can you have breakfast/dinner with him in the mornings when he comes home, or leaves for the night? Also since its hard to communicate I think cards, or ecards in your case are a good idea. My DH works long days but we usually have 30 minutes together at night when he eats and heads to bed. That is our time to talk/connect if possible.

[DCJenn]

Now that we live in the same house and he's not in training, it's just like regular people. Kinda crazy! We eat our evening meals together as a family, we go out together. Last night we played Yahtzee (I won.) I hate TV so that's something that we do separately but that's ok.

J.

ETA: during training? It was a struggle. Saturday afternoon sex saved my marriage in its infancy.

[Pollyanna]

Texts to each other during the day, holding hands in the car, sitting next to each other during Mass, saying, "I love you" many times during the day, post call sex, and recognizing that even when you are not together you are a team working toward the same goal.

[niener]

Ditto to what others have said on the texting -- that's probably the #1 way we stay connected. Mostly just something funny we saw or something stupid someone said or did, just random stuff, but it's a way for us to show we're thinking about the other person even when they're not there. And honestly it may seem like there's not enough time for sex but you make time. He'll gladly sacrifice a half hour of sleep for a mid-week quickie. It may not be the most mind-blowing passionate event of your life but it's way better than nothing. We also always talk about what we did that day over dinner (or while I watch him eat dinner, depending on what time he gets home) and even though I may not understand half of what he's telling me he likes talking about the surgeries he did that day so I listen and ask questions, and he listens and asks questions about my day too. I'm also his primary source of news, sports and celeb gossip so I get him caught up on what happened in the world that day.

The other thing I do is write little messages to him in the mornings. He normally grabs a banana on his way out the door, so the night before I lightly carve things into the banana peel with a toothpick so he'll have a message from me in the morning (saw this little trick on pinterest one day, thought it was cute). I'm also going to try to start packing him a lunch most days, but that's less of an attempt to stay connected to him and more of an attempt to make sure he actually eats during the day (yesterday for "lunch" he had a bag of chips.....)

[SuzySunshine]

My DH doesn't text but he has a smart phone so I e-mail him throughout the day and he checks it when he can. I let him talk about his day when he gets home and he's learned in return to ask me what we did. We make time for date nights, we try one a month but its usually more like every other.

[corn poffi]

We don't really do amything out of the ordinary anymore. I noticed that things were harder when I tried. Haha that doesn't sound right, but really, once I gave up on always trying to cheer him up or sending him pointless texts, we became a more normal couple again. I think things like goofy cards were unnatural for our relationship and he thought it was annoying and not like me. Now we are all good. But that's just me. I am not a funny e-mail or cutesy person, so that's why he thought I was being weird! Now he tells me everyday that I'm the only thing that makes him feel like a normal human being on a regular basis.

Long story short, don't get too stressed about it. Last thing i needed was to get mad at him for something didn't realize was happening. YMMV