Am i being selfish?

[L.Jane]

My engagement ring is pretty pricey, but the main stone was my grandmother's, so that saved J a lot of money. My wedding band, a simple platinum band with nothing on it. Like MrsK I got married in gold ring with no markings that my DH bought from my Dad for a dollar (and then I gave it back to my dad so my little sister can get married with it in 6 months). The funny thing is, the past week I have only been wearing the simple stoneless band the past week because the engagement ring was not exactly the best thing to be wearing when working with kids. I fully understand your desire for your nice ring. I had that lust for mine and then once I got it, I was STILL looking at other peoples rings going, oh that would have been better, or oh, that was a good idea, why didn't I think about that. If you are so nervous about the money right now, I would keep enjoying the hunt for rings and wait until you can really afford what you want with out feeling guilty. Maybe even start a "ring bank" Where you put a certain amount you don't feel bad about away until you are ready to really buy the ring.

[DCJenn]

My engagement was expensive. BUT- he was 32, I was 33 and he's military so none of those pesky medical school loans floating about. I bought a plain white gold band to go with it because he'd just spent half my annual income on a diamond ring. Mine has a round center stone, two square cut side stones and then two more round cut smaller stones (so four total) on the side of the squares. (so it looked like this: round, round, square, center, square, round, round.)

That said, I don't wear my engagement ring except for special occasions. It's gorgeous but I had it restyled because it doesn't work with my current wedding band which is identical to his- a braid of two yellow gold and one platinum strands. I got one to match his for our 1st anniversary after he confessed that it bothered him that we didn't match. I may have it restyled yet again because it's very top heavy and it spins.

I say wait until you can get exactly what you want without a stretch.

Jenn

I say wait until you can get exactly what you want without a stretch.

Jenn

I understand the want (I used to work at the headquarters of the country's largest jewelry retailer). It's not worth the debt or expense or stretching your finances. Jewelry is so INSANELY marked up that I simply cannot justify buying anything now that I don't get it at cost. I've lost quite a lot of weight in the past 2 years and my rings are basically falling off of me. I'd love to get them restyled, even still have a friend in the "biz" who will set me up w/a mount wholesale, and I still won't pull the trigger (and we're 6 years out of training). Everyone has different things that are important to them, and if jewelry is yours, then it is -- but knowing roughly the road ahead of you cost-wise and the length of time until you guys make $$ ... I wouldn't do it.

[GrayMatterWife]

Wait. This is not the time to spend on a jewelry upgrade. Wait until you're out of training and can afford what you'd really like.

[diggitydot]

Oh, yeah -- NEVER pay retail for diamond jewelry. They jack that shit up 1000% over cost. It's worth the time/trouble/money to get a business license and hit the gem/jewelry shows. Show them your license and you get wholesale pricing. Makes no difference what type of business you have, just so long as you have one you'll get the pricing.

[labmouse]

thanks you guys. I guess reading wedding forum is a bad thing to do. I end up with envy, jealousness and being upset for not having a lavish wedding. Like all your comments, i realized that doctor's/resident's/military life is radically different from normal couple and we have plenty of expenses ahead before getting more financially settled as an attending. Alright, i will be good and stay away from toxic wedding forums. Thank you for pulling me back. I guess material stuff is not as important as scoring a good spot in fellowship. Thanks guys. I am much happier now.

[ladymoreta]

Hugs! I definitely have a "someday" list, and I imagine I'll keep it even after we get to attendinghood. There's always more...

[SoonerTexan]

Wedding forums seem much less relevant to me now and I was all over the knot for 2.5 years. I do still stop by occasionally though.

[scarlett09]

I'd say wait until you can afford it AND enjoy it. It sounds like you might not enjoy getting it now if you feel guilty about how it is going to affect your finances.

ahh... the glamorous life of a doctor's wife =) I recently made a couple of friends in my current rental apartment area and when i tell them about DH being a peds resident, they went like oooo.. so you must be rich. And then i explained about residency pay and exams and interview application costs and medical licensing costs, they was like.. hmmm really?? As if i am lying or covering that i am actually rich...NOT !!!

Best way to dispel the rich dawkter myth is to tell them that he works 80 hours/week or that he makes minimum wage or a combination of the two. That usually shuts people up. Then you can explain away all of the extra costs. I've done this a few times with much success.

Good luck on applying for fellowship! What type is your DH looking at?

[MissCrabette]

I'd wait a few years until you are more secure financially. Like Shakti says, if this is important to you, go for it, but...

-The people whose rings you are admiring may be in debt up to their eyeballs. They may choose the ring as a priority over a nicer house or vacations.
-Those stones may not even be diamonds. Have you seen the stuff QVC sells these days? Speaking of which, I think it's a myth that CZ gets cloudy. It gets dirty just like diamonds. Clean it.
-Wearing that amount of money on your finger can be scary, especially if you lose the ring. I have. Luckily I got it back, but I hyperventilated for half a day.
-If you say you can afford the ring, but it would make things tight in other areas, you can't really afford it. There are always unexpected expenses that come with residency/fellowship applications and with moving.

[labmouse]

scarlett:

he is planning to apply into NICU fellowship, hopefully somewhere in Cincinnati or Texas. Currently, we are at mobile, alabama. Going through the whole fellowship application thing is scary and reliving the horrors of residency application all over again. Next month, he will be taking his usmle step 3 and we have spent nearly $1000 with the application and subscription to USMLE world tests. Just got the token for ERAS application today and there goes another $90. We are still quite good with finances, will be budgeting around $5-7 k for interviews. Anyone who has been through NICU fellowship application care to comment on your actual expenditure?

Dear all,
I am now feeling much better because of your input and got rid of my green eyed monster. Miss Crabette: after thinking for a couple of days now, i would not feel comfortable with a 4000-5000 rock on my finger when DH could have used the same amount for fellowship application or afraid that it might get lost or stolen. Moissanite or CZ might be my alternative route. I would probably budget around 300-500 for my ring fantasy. That i could live with. =) peace out.

[Meenah]

My engagement ring is a beautiful emerald with diamonds, set in platinum. It is locked in a drawer and I rarely wear it. I do however have several sterling silver & CZ rings that I wear with my wedding band and I LOVE them. They do look real at a glance, and I am married to a DAWKTER, so they must be real!!!!!

[Phoebe]

scarlett:

he is planning to apply into NICU fellowship, hopefully somewhere in Cincinnati or Texas. Currently, we are at mobile, alabama. Going through the whole fellowship application thing is scary and reliving the horrors of residency application all over again. Next month, he will be taking his usmle step 3 and we have spent nearly $1000 with the application and subscription to USMLE world tests. Just got the token for ERAS application today and there goes another $90. We are still quite good with finances, will be budgeting around $5-7 k for interviews. Anyone who has been through NICU fellowship application care to comment on your actual expenditure?

Dear all,
I am now feeling much better because of your input and got rid of my green eyed monster. Miss Crabette: after thinking for a couple of days now, i would not feel comfortable with a 4000-5000 rock on my finger when DH could have used the same amount for fellowship application or afraid that it might get lost or stolen. Moissanite or CZ might be my alternative route. I would probably budget around 300-500 for my ring fantasy. That i could live with. =) peace out.

PM me and I will tell you about the NICU fellowship. My husband completed one 8 years ago. Cincinnati has a good one, but the hours are rough. My husband worked with three people who trained there. I don't know anything about TX. NICU fellowship is not apart of a match.

[alison]

I got married at a courthouse for $20 cash. No guests, nothing. I don't regret it at all, after reading threads here about planning a wedding and old wedding dresses.

I do have a ring that we bought during residency (about 3 years after we were married). I'm sorry, but I wanted it even though we had to put it on a 0% CC and chip away at the balance over a year or so. It's a silly materialistic thing, but I totally get wanting a big one. The 20k wedding I don't get, but the 5k rock I understand entirely.

[scarlett09]

scarlett:

he is planning to apply into NICU fellowship, hopefully somewhere in Cincinnati or Texas. Currently, we are at mobile, alabama. Going through the whole fellowship application thing is scary and reliving the horrors of residency application all over again. Next month, he will be taking his usmle step 3 and we have spent nearly $1000 with the application and subscription to USMLE world tests. Just got the token for ERAS application today and there goes another $90. We are still quite good with finances, will be budgeting around $5-7 k for interviews. Anyone who has been through NICU fellowship application care to comment on your actual expenditure?

Along the lines of what Phoebe was saying, is he applying for NICU fellowship for this year (2012) or next (2013)? I'm assuming its next because he hasn't taken Step 3 yet and because you just got the token for the ERAS application. I don't know much about fellowships, since we aren't doing any more training besides residency. We do have a few peeps who are applying for NICU fellowship and they just submitted their rank lists last week. Match day for them is next week, 9/28, as well as all December cycle applicants. Apparently there will be some partying next week, lol.

NICU fellowship website sponsored by the AAP: http://www.aap.org/sections/perinata...pplicants.html