Moving

[Cumberland]

Well, often moving wasnt really a choice for us. We went where I got into grad school and when that was done, where DH got into med school. For residency apps, he is mostly applying in the SE, where we are from and hope to go back to.

Having lived in the South East, the North East, and California, my own opinion is that the NE was the worst of the three for me. I know it is only my thoughts versus someone else's- but the cold, the crowds, the cost of living, etc are not worth it. I am sure I would feel differently if I had family there.

[SuzySunshine]

My husband and I didn't really have a choice when it came to med school, CA was the best one he got into so we took it. As for residency we are picking mostly midwest areas: Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, etc. because we are both from Kansas and would like to be closer to our families. However we are also applying to stay here, and to go to the East Coast because we figure now when we don't have kids is the best time to try out new places. After residency we will most likely end up back in the midwest!

Good Luck!

[DCJenn]

As with most things, where you live is an incredibly personal decision and you may find that what you thought you'd hate you realy like, and vice versa. (Ask Kelly about Minnesota!)

Since my husband is in the Army, we have a somewhat more pragmatic look at moving- which is "home is where it is"- our home is where we are and where it's located isn't really that important. That said, I knew there were choices on his list after residency that I would really have to look hard to find things to be positive about (luckily he was accepted for the neurology fellowship!)

The NE has some minuses (cold, traffic, cost) but a lot of positives, too- culture, proximity to other cities, excellent public transportation systems, history- it all depends on what you decide is important.

All I can say is now that I'm back in DC, I'm absolutely perfectly happy. I love driving along 7th St. going home and crossing through the Mall- Washington Monument on the right, Capitol on the left, Air and Space Museum in front. Yeah, the weather can suck, the traffic is a nightmare- but wow, it's awesome to be able to walk to the monuments and to eat at literally any kind of ethnic restaurant I want and to be able to see live music- free, on the steps of the Hirshorn on the Mall, or to walk to the National 4th of July celebration.

Each of the cities in the NE or Mid-Atlantic have opportunities like that- so- it can be really fun, especially if you know going in that you're going to live in a smaller place and probably need to learn the public transportation system!

Jenn

[houseelf]

Lunatic,

You have already received great advice, but as per usual, I have to add my .02., wanted or otherwise. Jenn is incredibly correct, this is such a personal decision. I hear people griping about Ohio, Kentucky, Virginia, Indiana, and Pennsylvania and I want to thrust my hand up and say, "Ya wanna trade, please, huh, huh, Huh????". By the way, Jenn, you crack me up: Moi complain about Minnesota??? NEVER! I call the remaining tenure of our residency here as "Four Years Left of Hard Time with no parole".

Let's just say that I've threatened DH not to disclose my personal feelings about our current home to the natives....it doesn't exactly ingratiate me and help us to make friends. Of course, most of our friends here are transplants just like us anyway.

O.K., there ARE a lot of positive things about the Twin Cities, but it just ain't my kind of place. I do realize that there are many spouses out there contemplating moving to fabulous locales like Fort Leonard, Fort Irwin, etc., but I can't look beyond my own selfishness to quit complaining about my circumstances. After all, it is all about me, me, me.

But getting back to the topic at hand, ahem, we all have to take what life gives us. Still, I have threatened bodily harm and various sundrie of punishment to DH for ranking certain places for our upcoming fellowship match. In the end, however, we both have to realize that it is not exactly a buyer's market. There are only 30 spots in pediatric surgery nationwide per year. (Insert music from--Rage against the Machine "...and now you do what they told ya") We will **happily** move to Lord-knows-where-swamp-pit and make it work. Of course, if it is outside of Ohio, Minnesota, or D.C., I am not licensed in my profession and will not spend several months and several hundred dollars to obtain licensing for a mere two year period. We just have to get real about what these choices mean to us as a family. See how bad my DH has it?

Gee, do you think that I have any issues? None here. I'm just your stereotypical obedient, pleasantly docile surgeon's spouse. Now, where did I place that prozac, again?



What was your original question again?

Kelly

[mommax3]

We were hoping to get closer to family (in Indiana or Kansas) after residency (which we spent in San Antonio, courtesy of the Air Force, and LOVED, by the way) but the gods of the Air Force (whom I curse at least twice a week) decreed otherwise, and we are still in Texas, but in the northern-most part --- basically, last stop before nowheresville.

We have two years left and are starting to think about where to look for jobs. The liability insurance issue looms large for us since my husband is an OB/GYN, so that has ruled out a lot of places --- Texas, for instance. Indiana is a good state in that regard, and it is where we both grew up, so that seems to be the logical choice for us --- we will just have to wait and see what opens up.

Personally, I would still consider going back to San Antonio because I loved it there, it is a great place for families, cheap cost of living, etc., but I don't know if DH could really make it work financially.

Something that we have thought about is that it would be nice to have some family close by for support with our kids, (this would have been especially nice when I was expecting my second and third babies) but also that when the roles start to reverse and our parents need support (we are both oldest children) we don't want to be too far away. We have both watched our parents deal with THEIR parents (who did not live nearby at all) while raising teenagers, and working, and that is a nightmare, let me tell you. We are close to our families, but none of our siblings is "settled" in one place yet, so if we want to be sure to be close to someone, it will probably be our parents, and that brings with it good and bad.

Right now, our only "must" is that we want to have friends/family within an hour of where we go. And we want to be within an hour of a good sized city with a private school that we can afford and like, and also a good public school system for the high school years, if not before.

This is a good topic and after DH takes boards in November (and hopefully passes!) I will probably be posting a lot more on this and similar issues, because that is when we will start looking for real.

Sally

It's a very personal choice, and there are no right answers. For us, living away from family is a good thing. I'd like to live closer to my parents, but know from experience that it's not exactly for the best. And living 6 hours away from his parents is WAY too close in my opinion! 8O Our main considerations were the quality of the practice, the cost of living and what kind of house we could have, malpractice insurance rates in the state, what the community had to offer in outdoor activities, and yes, climate. After three years of enduring Wisconsin winters and Wisconsin people, I never wanted to do that again!

My husband had had a really good experience at a rural rotation he had done in med school at a small town in Iowa, and thought that a smaller town would be a good fit for him. He likes getting all wrapped up in his patients lives and doing the "1 finger wave" as he drives through town and sees people he knows. And I was looking to "downscale"--stop doing office day jobs and concentrate on my writing and maybe start my own business, and plant a garden and do some cooking until I could be a SAHM, so it turned out to be a good fit for me too. Yeah, summers here suck, but I'm going to love the winters for a change.

Elizabeth - How far away are you from your parents now? Do you have any siblings that live nearby? My siblings are all in New England and, although we're not a close knit family, it's nice to get together a few times a year. Right now, I see them once a year when we go to Maine for summer vacation. My kids are having difficulty remembering who is who because they don't see them very often.

My parents are in Seattle, which they absolutely love, but it's quite far away. Mike and I looked at possibly moving up near there, but the cost of living is really high and the traffic is worse than what I had in Denver. My brother was in Denver (what I call home) but is now with the Secret Service in Washington, DC, so the family is bi-coastal with me in the middle! We're hoping to get pregnant soon, so we'll see how it plays out. My parents would probably come to see us in the winter (my mother hates the heat) and I could go up there in the summers.

We are facing the same decisions now. My husband will start applying for a post residency job in the next couple of months. Where to live has been a tough choice for us. We currently live in California about 2 hours away from both of our families and we are thinking of moving out of state because of the high cost of living in Southern California. We have always lived pretty close to our families, so moving far away really worries me. One thing to consider if you are moving away from family is how much vacation time your husband will have off and also how many hours he has to put in each week. For example, my husband wants to apply for a job here in So Cal, but to make a decent living and to be able to afford a home in this area, he would have to work 18 night shifts a month (yes, all night shifts!! arrrrgghhhh!) for the first 2 years and he would only get a couple weeks of vacation each year. The hospital is not motivated to pay a higher salary because the job market here is competitive. However, if we moved to Texas, my husband could work 12 days a month (mix of day/night shifts), get more weeks of vacation, and get paid quite a bit more. We could buy a nice home for 1/3 of the price. Since he would be getting 6 extra days off a month there, we would have the flexibilty to make frequent trips to visit the family (although I know that when we have kids, it won't be much fun traveling with them!). If we stayed where we are now, we'd still be close to our families, but would have less time to spend with them.

One other aspect that will affect our decision is the compensation package...I know, this might seem shallow. We just have so many school loans and credit card debt that racked up during med school and residency. Our debt (even though I know most people in our position have the same amount of debt as us) worries me constantly! Even though it is manageable, I just hate paying those high interest rates and will be so relieved when everything is paid off. Like I said, I know it's shallow, but this will play a big part in our decision too.

Well, that's just my 2 cents. There are so many factors in deciding where to live and it is a very personal decision. The good thing is that you'renot stuck with your decision for the rest of your life. I know that you want to settle down, but if you are not happy where you end up, you can always move to a place that makes you happy.

Well, we're going through the process right now so if I have any good advice to offer, I'll let you know.

El