When did you...?

[SuzySunshine]

All of the talk in the last day about choosing specialties for desire or money has made me wonder when everyone here started dating/got married to their medical spouses??

My dh and I started dating at the beginning of his junior year in college (my senior), at that point he knew he wanted to be a doctor. We dated for 5 years and then got married after his 3rd (of 5) medical school year.

I guess I'm just curious if those that started dating their spouses during medical school versus those that started during undergrad or during residency have different perceptions about the medical career and the sacrifices made for it.

[migirl]

I met my husband when we were both freshmen in college (we were only 19 years old! 8O ) and got married between his 2nd and 3rd years of med school. I've been along for pretty much the entire ride (med school applications/interviews, med school, residency applications/interviews, and now residency) so it's really hard for me to imagine any other kind of life. I will say, though, that I wouldn't trade it for a "normal" non-medical marriage because I believe that the stresses and pressures have only made us stronger and more appreciative of each other.

I met DH and started dating between 2nd and third year of Med school. We got married at the end of his 4th year right before graduation. We have been married 6 1/2 years.

[Cumberland]

We started dating our senior year of high school, and got married right after his college graduation, which was five years later. He mentioned the idea of medical school, but i never really thought he was serious. We were so young! We had our fifth anniversary last week.

[DCJenn]

We got married the day after medical school graduation, we met halfway through third year. We were both in our mid-30's though, he took the long (and paid for by Uncle Sam) way to get to medical school and I was divorced, well-established in my career and owned my own home, had a master's degree and my two cats. He completely cramped my lifestyle!!! (but I wouldn't have had it any other way!)

Jenn

[SueC]

We started dating during my husband's 3rd year of med school and got married as soon as he finished med school. He wasn't sure where he would end up matching and wanted to make sure I would go with him so he proposed to me at the end of 3rd year. The only downfall to this timeline was that our first year of marriage was intern year and I remember being kind of lonely--I wish I would have been more independent that year!

We met and started dating in high school, had a long distance relationship for a while, ended up at the same university, married after graduation. We were married for....hmmmm....I guess two years before he started medical school.
So, I have been around for the whole process -- 2 apps to med school, through med school, 2 apps for residency. Each application process was a little different -- the 1st time for med school he applied broadly, the second time only to CU. For residency, 1st time he did limited application (maybe 7 programs?), second time he applied very broadly (25 programs). With each of those broad applications, we looked at moving, which would mean some career upheaval for me, etc. Sometimes I feel like we have been doing this forever.

I also feel very invested in the process because we've been doing this together for so long. I think that has it's pluses and minuses, for sure. But it is what it is!

(Sorry...trying to keep attitude positive....down on the "medical marriage" today ).

I met Russ at the end of his freshman year of college when he was an electrical engineering major. We have been through the WHOLE process together from undergrad to his decision to go to med school, med school and now residency. It has been hard but we have learned so much. When he decided to go to med school I was pregnant with our third child. It was a shock and yet, I was proud of him for following his dreams.

Robin

[Auspicious]

We met and started dating a year and a half before he started med school, when he was in the early stages of the application process. He was a 29-year-old grad student at the time and I was 25 and had been living on my own in the city for a few years.

For our relationship the medical thing was "part of the package" from the beginning, take it or leave it. I eventually decided to take it.

That was pretty much the last big life decision he's made unilaterally, though--it would be totally unfair for me to say anything other than that I've been the major factor or a major factor in all his subsequent choices (going to school locally, not taking the HPSP, the way he chooses to spend his time daily, etc.), which certainly makes me much more willing to make both current and anticipated sacrifices.

[mommax3]

We met when I was 12 and he was 10 --- our parents were friends through church. Our families got to be great friends and my (now) DH and I were both the oldest kids, so we hung around together a lot. I had skipped a grade and his parents had held him back a year, so we were actually pretty far apart in school --- I was a senior in high school when he was a freshman! Not too cool as far as dating went, so we didn't. His mom was my voice teacher during high school and then I got a scholarship and went away to college. He eventually graduated from high school too, and by that point, I was sick of dating guys that I didn't like as well as my old friend --- my best friend! We started to get more serious after my junior year of college --- he had just graduated from high school! We knew each other so well that it was either go for it and get married, or forget about each other and move on. He proposed to me at Christmas time in 1989, and we were married in August of 1990. I was 21 and he was 19, a month away from turning 20. Talk about young! Even a couple of years later, when our siblings got to be the ages we had been when we got married, we were in shock that our parents had been in favor of the whole thing.

So we have been through the whole thing together, even back to the point of him deciding if he wanted to go to med school or not. I feel like our whole married life has been lived in four year increments.....college, med school, residency, payback to the Air Force......I don't know what we will do when we get out of the Air Force to pace ourselves! Seriously, although we have had challenges (mostly financial) and some hard times, we have never had big screaming fights or thoughts of calling the whole thing off. I attribute that solely to the fact that we were friends so long before we got married and we were so young that we weren't too set in our ways yet. Money, although scarce, was never a problem because neither of us had ever had any of our own and we knew that things were bound to get better financially as the years went by.

I guess bucking the conventional wisdom worked out okay for us and I wouldn't change a thing, but I don't know that I would recommend the same course for anyone else! His military OB/GYN residency(1500 miles away from our home, in a place where we knew NO ONE) was very intense (painful, abusive, punishing, 100+ hour weeks, 2 month rotations away from home each year.....I could go on and on!) and we had 7 years of marriage behind us (and a two year old) at that point. I think I drew on ALL the good memories of the 7 years prior to get us through the 4 years that followed --- although there were some good times in there as well. Having 4+ years together before having kids was good for us, too.

Anyway, that's our story!

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

We met when I was 12 and he was 10 --- our parents were friends through church.

Holy COW, Sally...That is incredible!!!!!!!! I had NO idea that you guys had known each other for so long. How NEAT!

Thomas and I met in germany during his last year of med school. We got married nearly a year to the day that we had our first day (about 1 year and 1 month after meeting ) and we are celebrating 10 years (and 4 children) in March of this year.

kris

PS I love these stories....it is so neat to read about everyone.

DH and I met when he called 1-800-HOT-SEXX during a study break his 2nd year.

Just kidding - but I've always wanted to say that! He was getting his MD/PhD at UT Southwestern Medical Ctr in Dallas and that was also where I was working as a lab tech. The MD/PhD track is a convoluted program in which you do your first 2 years of med school, then get your PhD (do the research lasting anywhere from 3-7 yrs), then go back and do the last two years of med school. He was doing research in the lab right after his 2nd yr of med school and we worked on the same floor. We got married shortly thereafter so I guess I was lucky to miss the first two years of med school. So I've been through 5 years of PhD work, last two years of med school, residency, and now fellowship. Somebody needs to appoint me to sainthood please!

[mommax3]

I just spit out my drink and it is drooling down my chin. You crack me up, Thu Van.

Sally

[Phoebe]

I'll call the queen, Thu Van! You are a saint!

My mom, a perinatology nurse, introduced me to my husband in the second rotation of his internship year. We dated the best we could off and on until May of his intern year, where we became serious about one another. We were engaged midway through second year of residency and married one week following residency completion where we bought a house, honeymooned and immediately moved so DH could begin his fellowship. I would say that our first year of marriage was difficult due to all the adjustments we made and his exhaustion due to a rigorous work schedule.

I would say that I influenced his decision to go into neonatology at times because I stayed supportive of it when he had doubts about three more years of medical training. We both knew he wouldn't be happy doing primary care.

Three and half years and almost two kids later, I feel like we have been through many ups and downs, but kind of feel we have hit our stride.

Jennifer

[fluffhead]

warning: geek romance ahead...:P
My wife was just beginning the final year of her phd in the md/phd program. We met in the library - I was a postdoc and researching a paper, she was writing a grant. She still had 2 years of med school to go, but at that point was pretty sure she'd just do the bare minimum to get licensed and then go into research (yah right ) We got married a week before 3rd year started, and our honeymoon was spent stapling together her dissertation.
So here we are, 4 years and a kid later, and 3 years of residency still loom on the horizon. Plans change, oh well