When did you...?

I think we rate in the longevity department. I've known my husband since he was in 5th grade and I was in 6th--we won a writing contest at our elementary school. We became friends in high school (he was a band geek, I was a drama geek) and I used to flirt with him and his friends. We went out a couple of times, but it didn't really take--on my part. I was into bad boys and he was the kind of solid, stable guy that most women don't know they want until they're 35. So I graduated early and moved out of state and we lost touch.

12 years later I had registered myself on Classmates.com because I hadn't been invited to my 10 year reunion because no one knew where to find me, and he registered there too and sent me an email. One night he was telling me about all the stuff he wanted to do career wise, and I was telling him the qualities he'd need to have in a woman, and realized I was talking about myself. We were living on opposite coasts when we met up again and agreed that wherever he did residency we'd move there together, and we ended up getting married in the middle of all that chaos.

My dh and I started dating in high school so I have seen him through the whole process...college apps, med school, residency.... I was a sophomore and he was a senior. He moved an hour away to go to college and we spent every weekend together. Two years later, I started college and we moved in together...I look back and can't believe we were actually able to support ourselves through college since we were so young! We both went to school full time and worked 30-40 hours a week just to put food on the table....let's just say thank goodness for coupons in the Sunday paper! My dh finished college in 3 years and went straight into medical school. Since the last 2 years of medical school were spent mostly in the hospitals rather than the classroom, we had to relocate so that he could be closer to the hospitals. This meant I had to drive 160 miles round trip every day to go to school and work. Luckily I finished college in 3 years too, so the horrible commute only lasted a year! We were married a few months before the end of Jon's 4th year of medical school. My dh is now in his 3rd year of residency...9 1/2 months to go...but who's counting??

I think the most difficult part of the whole process has been residency. We could no longer dip in to student loan money to cover little emergencies that popped up and as everyone knows, a resident's salary isn't much at all. In medical school, my dh had some rotations that required a lot less hours than others, so there were some months where he would work only 4 hours a day, if that much. But during residency, especially in these last 2 years, his hours just don't seem to let up at all! To add to that...we have been wanting to start a family for so long, but are waiting till the end of residency....these last few months will be the toughest I think because we are counting the days until we can actually begin our lives. Residency has been so time consuming that it almost feels like we haven't begun our life as a married couple yet even though we've been married for 2 1/2 years!

Sorry for such a long post, but that's just our story and a little insight into our experience with the whole process. It has been so interesting hearing about everyone else's experience!!

[SuzySunshine]

Thanks everyone for posting, the stories have been really interesting to read and I think its a great insight into each other's story.

Keep them coming!

These are great stories....

I met my wife through a co-worker. His wife was best friends in high school with DW. He told me that if I met her, we would end up getting married. She lived in Tulsa, OK. I lived in Wichita, KS. I have done some modelling and she didn't want to meet me without having a picture first, so as luck would have it....I had one of my best head shots to give!
We met in Feb of 1st yr med school. We dated off and on till summer, she had a job lined up in Seattle and told me that she didn't want ties over the summer since we were going to be thousands of miles apart. It hurt, but was the voice of reason. Her job fell through after the first two weeks back at her parents in WA and she came back to Tulsa at the end of June. I drove back and forth from Wichita to Tulsa about every 4 days! At the end of July I moved in with her, got a job in Tulsa and we were engaged in Las Vegas that October. The next October we got married.
I was persistant. I think that I have been the other end of the emotional spectrum for her. She is Type A to an anal fault, I am completely opposite. It is a wonderful match!! Two boys and five years on October 3rd!!

[houseelf]

These stories are incredible!

We met while we were both in professional school. It was the summer before my third year right after I had returned from a summer internship in Japan. I had my post-law school job lined up in D.C. and planned on coasting through my final year without a care in the world. (Remember the old saying that when you aren't looking that is when you find your soul mate....so true!)

DH was beginning his third year of medical school. He had recently quit dating a very nice girl who was a year behind him in his medical school who he described as just not the one for him. Specifically, she grew up in a boarding school, had season tickets to the opera, and enjoyed high society wine and cheese events. You would understand why their relationship would never work out if you knew DH..he is a hockey playing, beer and burger, sweatshirt wearing type of guy. In the end, the socioeconomic chasm between them couldn't be reconciled.

Anyway, a mutual friend introduced us saying to each of us that she had someone that we just HAD to meet. The night that we met we went out with friends but spent three hours speaking only to one another. We hit it off instantly and laughed the entire night. Our similarities were too striking to ignore: We grew up in suburbs of the same sleepy town, went away to college in another state, came back for professional school, had similar WASPy blue collar upbringings in the midwest, and spent our twenties following our dreams. We just clicked on so many different levels. Three weeks after our first meeting, DH told his parents that he met the girl that he was going to marry. Indeed, we married a year later and had a baby 7 months after that. This happens, even in good midwestern families.

RE: Does when we met influence the difficulties of training. Yes and No. We both were arrogant regarding the rigors of a surgical residency. Because we had been with other people before in very long term relationships and had been so independent before meeting one another, we thought that a surgical residency wouldn't be as hard on us as it would be on other people. DH has a near photographic memory and functions well on 6 hours of sleep so we also had these blessings on our side. We minimized the true demands of residency. In retrospect, we have both agreed that residency has been harder than what we were warned that it would be and question if this is the path that we would have taken.

Kelly

Now we feel like we are stronger for enduring what we have but wouldn't want to go back and do it again.

Kelly

I met my husband when we were freshmen in college, and we just got married in June after seven years of dating! He is in his second year of medical school.

[twinsmom]

I love reading these! You all have some pretty amazing stories.

I'll try to give you the reader's digest version of ours...
He was my brother's roomate and we lived in apartment complexes that faced each other at the university, so we saw a ton of each other, but never once thought about anything. I was good friends with all of the girls in the girls side of the complex, and they were constantly after me to set him up with them, so each week at church meetings, I would inform him that I had found his wife...

I did set him up with someone in my classes at school, who went away for the summer and emailed back and forth with him the whole time. It was my job to make sure that he didn't date anyone else for the summer (oops, I gues I mistook the whole summer for, um, the whole eternity... ).

He and I started 'hanging out' at the end of july, dated for about a week, then I got scared and ran, right when school started again (and she returned). He started dating her, we started 'hanging out' again, we got close, talked marriage, she proposed to him (complete with a kiss ), he proposed to me, I said yes, and we lived happily ever after . (At times, I must say, it has been 'happily after WHAT??!)

We have DEFINITALY had the rocky times, and the whole medical school pressure hasn't exactly helped the situation, but like so many others who have posted, I think that the hard times are what have ultimately pulled us closer together and made us stronger. (Well, that, and having two month pre-mature twins 3 days before Step I boards while we were 1,500 miles away from our nearest relative...) Ahh, the joys of marital life .

Seriously, I couldn't picture life any other way - it is so great to see dh getting closer and closer to fulfilling his dream of becoming a doctor. Through all of the muck and stress, it truly is a great time to be alive!!

We've been married 3 1/2 years, of which all has been completely engulfed by medical school (he flew back from a med school interview two days before we got married, and started med school 6 month after), so in answer to the second question, I kind of knew what I was getting into with the whole med school arena (although who can adequately describe the whole 'aura' to someone who hasn't yet stepped into it?!). I kind of expected his time to be short (just HOW short was a whole different story!!). As for expectations, all of mine have been upheaveled and blown out of the water at some point in time, so I have resolved just not to expect, then I can be pleasently surprised (like getting to celebrate my birthday on my actual birthday this year, after having it be postponed due to tests for the previous three years...). A little thing, but a very pleasant surprise .

Well, I've babbled enough, I can't wait to read more stories!

Jen B.

[Amiens]

A couple of months before meeting Matt I had been in a serious relationship that ended poorly, and I had decided I wanted to serve a mission for my church, which led to the decision to not want to date anymore.

Matt and I met when he was two weeks into his first year of medical school (Aug 1997). At the time I thought I wanted to go to medical school, so Matt was an interesting person to me in that he was in medical school-- not because he was cute. A mutual friend (acquaintance to Matt, friend to me) introduced us at church. We were sitting in the hallway at church (not attending our meetings) We talked about Matt being in medical school, and then the topic of how I used to be the President of the Bible study group on Wednesday nights and my new position came up- I had been in the position for 2 1/2 years (a long time!). I had been asked to change positions and to be in charge of the Monday activity group. Anyway, feeling like I could be witty and funny- I told Matt "The bishop told me whoever they ask to take over for Wednesday night, will be giving me a call because of all of my wonderful knowledge." Matt leaned over and said "I have a secret. I am the new President." I think I went through 50,000 different shades of red, and sunk down in my chair.

Matt asked me out on our first date after church. So much for not dating. The entire time we dated I got to see Matt grow, and struggle during his 1st year of medical school. He had told me it was the first time he really had to study for things. While we dated, I kept telling Matt I wanted to serve a mission, and he was supportive to a degree-- "Ok, but I am not going to wait for you." I decided to turn my mission papers into my bishop, but was given them back as he found out I was dating someone. I was asked (my bishop was also a good family friend) "So I hear you are dating someone, could something serious become of this?" My response "If I let it." I had kept my guard up very well with Matt. (The counsel given is if a female has the choice between serving a mission and getting married- she should pursue marriage).

So I decided to see what happen if I allowed our relationship to become more serious. We were engaged March 1998, and married June 27, 1998.

I have been with him through medical school and now residency. So 5 years, and 2 children later... I still wouldn't change anything for the world. I am glad Matt told me he wouldn't wait for me (amongst another incident) if I left, because it kicked my butt and made me realized I didn't want to lose him.

Now the end of this year we will start applying for jobs! 8O Crazy to think that by Dec/Jan of next year we will know where we are going.

Crystal

These stories are awesome!

My bf and I met through friends of friends. We both went to the same college together, but didn't meet until after we both graduated (I'm 3 years older than him). I knew my bf for about a year before we started dating. I would see him every couple of months at parties of mutual friends or every so often at a bar. I always found him intriguing although I never really put my finger on why. Turns out that my bf was always interested in dating me since he met me, but I never knew since I was in a relationship at the time.

One night I was out with friends and we ran into my bf and his friends out at a favorite bar hangout. He was out with his friends celebrating his acceptance into med school as he found out that day. We hung out the entire night and talked and flirted, etc. A week or so later we had our first date. So we dated for about 7 months before med school started. He's now in his second year and we've made significant important strides in our relationship to adjust for the better. It's been difficult and I still worry about it getting harder before it gets better, but we're both committed to making it work.

Sharon

[PrincessFiona]

I love reading these!!!!!

I forgot to say in mine....that I asked him out first (Sadie Hawkins Dance). :mrgreen But I was so nervous about going out with him that I almost chickened out at the last minute with the excuse (lie!) that I was sick. Guess it's a good thing I didn't do that!
And we grew up (from about age 5 or 6 on) living about three miles from each other (three miles is a short distance in what was at the time a spread-out, semi-rural area). I was in kindergarten through second grade with his sister and we were occasional playmates, yet Eric and I never met until high school.

[SuzySunshine]

I asked my husband out first too and I love to give him a hard time about it. These stories are great, I'm so glad I asked!

When I was 26 (in 1991), I had been living in NYC for 4 years on my own and had finished my MSW and was working full-time as a family therapist. My good friends told me about a camping weekend at camp they attended as kids. There was this upcoming singles reunion camping trip at their old camp. While I had not attended that camp, I had gone to a similar camp in CA and totally loved it and knew all the favorite camp songs on my guitar, etc. So, my girlfriend gave me the number of the guy (Danny) in charge of the reunion. I called and told him my friends were going and I wanted in, too, even though I wasn't a camper there as a child.

Danny was quite nice and flirtatious on the phone and said that if there was any extra space, he would call me back and let me go too. A few weeks later, he called me back and said I could go. We spoke on the phone for a while and I was totally falling for him on the phone.

What I didn't know was that when Danny got off the phone with me, he called his buddy Alan and said, "I just met the perfect girl for you!!! You have got to come to the reunion weekend at camp!!!!"

So I arrived at camp and was looking for Danny. I found him and Danny quickly introduced me to Alan. I sort of blew off Alan at first and was really only interested in Danny. For most of the weekend, I was chasing Danny, Alan was chasing me, and then I noticed that Danny was chasing every woman there!!!! I decided he was a total flirt and that I didn't like his style. Meanwhile, Alan seemed to keep showing up, quietly and persistently. Somehow, I ended up alone in a canoe with him on the camp's river............we kept going around and around that lake, telling each other our stories. Later I saw Alan playing with one of his friend's kids. Apparently, it was not just for singles and some young families attended too. I fell madly in love with him watching him from a distance as he played joyfully with these little kids. I knew then and there that I wanted him to be the father of my future children.

At the time, Alan had put his biomedical engineering degree aside and was working at his family's small retail business. He was miserable there and wanted to use his brain before it exploded from lack of use. He took some premed classes and applied to med school and we were married right after he completed his 2nd year of med. school. That was about 4 years after we first met.