Am losing my mind, and it's only intern year....

Please help, guys. My bf of three years has just entered the 6th month of his first residency year, and already the strain on our relationship is insane, not helped by the fact that he lives in Ann Arbor and I'm currently in Lansing. Planning (which I adore) goes to the wayside most times, with him calling, showing up, or getting online consistently late. Most weekends are me driving out to see him (an introvert) and spending the whole time together just us (which can drive me crazy.)
Enough whining--what can I do? I crave social interaction, but I don't have a crowd in Ann Arbor to pull from and neither does he. I'm not good at functioning normally if I'm constantly worrying about being there for him whenever he needs me, and I know we both need larger support circles right now.
Please, someone tells me this all gets better/easier/we get stronger. Am I just going to have to get used to a broken heart constantly? We are hoping to move in together next year, but that's still a good 7 or 8 months off, and doesn't help us now.
Thank you so much.
~Jo

[Meenah]

Jo, I'm glad you found us. The medical lifestyle SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will find many different variations on "what works". I'm one of the older members here, and the fact that I am still here reveals that it doesn't always get better, but we find ways to deal with it. Stick around, post often, and you will get more advice thatn you ever anticipated. Again, welcome.

[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

Stick around, post often, and you will get more advice thatn you ever anticipated. Again, welcome.

What she means is that it becomes a total addiction where you have to share and get advice on everything...(or is that just me?? haha).

But honestly, this is a really great/helpful/supportive group that is immensely helpful when you want to pull out your hair...welcome!

[scrub-jay]

Welcome!!

[moonlight]

I totally understand where you are coming from. You want to hang out with him and friends and "do" stuff together but lack of time/friends/activities pushes everything to the back burner. I would just suggest taking the pressure off yourself. Try and fit in very small fun outings when he has time to spend with you. Then don't get upset if nothing workouts out.

I think over time I've come to really appreciate the small things. A good example was a few weekends ago we took a little day trip to have lunch with a friend. After the lunch I had planned a little 1 hour of fun at a free arboretum that was on our way back home. We walked around with our little girl, took pictures, did a little discovering, then went home after about a hour. I just loved that time together. It didn't cost anything but a lot of online researching and planning on my part. It wasn't the Rockets in NYC, but it was a lovely afternoon with my family that I very much enjoyed!

It's my first day here too and I'm already getting so much in terms of advice! Bounce, I wasn't around for my SO's intern year but with what we're going through now, I feel like I'm in a similar boat. My friends who married interns/residents say that moving in doesn't necessarily make things better but they all recommend not taking things personally. So if he's cranky or flaky, it doesn't have anything to do with you usually, but what he's going through. I hope your heart doesn't break though and you've been together for a few years so you seem like you've got a solid base for your relationship (even though it feels like it's in flux right now).

[diggitydot]

Intern year is a HUGE adjustment from med school. It takes everyone (med peeps and non-med peeps, alike) a little while to acclimate to the new paradigm. Some days will seem better, some worse. The resident's "Oh, maybe I'm not a complete idiot!" feeling hits people at different times, but typically occurs midway through the residency program. And then is smacked back down just as quickly as it pops up.

We get it. I promise. Stick around and vent often.

Welcome to the crapfest.

Hi, I'm new here too. I'm only in MS1 and I"m losing my mind, so don't feel so bad.

[bokelley]

Intern year sucks. We are in the middle of surgery prelim year. I feel your pain!! This site rocks!!

[corn poffi]

Welcome! Intern year is tough, especially when you're not in the same city. But you'll survive. Stop your obsession with planning, as that will not be possible for a looooong time (if not forever). Volunteer, audit classes, get a second job...do whatever you need to do to keep busy/stay happy.

Welcome!

[v-girl]

Welcome!

[diggitydot]

Stop your obsession with planning...

Word. If you want to plan things, just assume that the doc won't be able to make it so that you're pleasantly surprised when they do.

[Phoebe]

Hey there! Intern year sucks. I don't remember it fondly as we had just met. I grew up outside of Lansing and my husband did his residency there. It will get easier. Stick around.

[MDPhDWife]

We're in the middle of a prelim intern year too and so I completely get the crapfest that you're going through. The only thing keeping me sane right now is believing it will get better and taking it one rotation at a time. Hang in there, post often and vent as much as you need to. We get it!

Try and fit in very small fun outings when he has time to spend with you. Then don't get upset if nothing workouts out.

Thanks, that's an excellent idea. And your point about the small things is spot on.

My friends who married interns/residents say that moving in doesn't necessarily make things better but they all recommend not taking things personally. So if he's cranky or flaky, it doesn't have anything to do with you usually, but what he's going through. I hope your heart doesn't break though and you've been together for a few years so you seem like you've got a solid base for your relationship (even though it feels like it's in flux right now).

True, true. I do think being in the same city at least would be better and we could squeeze in more time together. I know he's cranky at the job; it's hard to remember that always.

Intern year is a HUGE adjustment from med school. It takes everyone (med peeps and non-med peeps, alike) a little while to acclimate to the new paradigm. Some days will seem better, some worse. The resident's "Oh, maybe I'm not a complete idiot!" feeling hits people at different times, but typically occurs midway through the residency program. And then is smacked back down just as quickly as it pops up.

We get it. I promise. Stick around and vent often.

Welcome to the crapfest.

I hope he realizes he's not an idiot! My babe is, fortunately and unfortunately, a perfectionist.
And I love your "welcome to the crapfest". Nice to know I'm not the only one going through this.

Thanks so much for the support, everybody. I really appreciate it.