Medical meeting question...

Hi all,

Well, this weekend is the weekend we go to Chicago for my DH's medical meeting. We are very excited. I know I will be solo during the day when he is at the different lectures, but Monday night everyone from his department is getting together for a causal dinner at this outdoor mall- type place on the water. My question is -- should I go??? He is feeling uncomfortable about it because he doesn't know if other people are bringing spouses and he doesn't want to be out of place. He's on the shy side. I think it's slightly crazy for me to sit in the hotel room alone (or even go out to dinner by myself) while he is out and about sightseeing and eating with 10 or so people. I suppose the other otion is for him to not go at all, and for the two of us to do our own thing.

What do you all think? Should I just let him go and suck it up? Or, should I push him a bit into thinking it's totally not a big deal for me to go to dinner with the group?

Help! Thanks!

Jill,
I think you should go....as long as it doesn't make your husband too uncomfortable. If I remember correctly, his department was supportive of you going on the trip and whoever is at the dinner would probably expect for you to go along.
When we went on a conference trip a few months ago, I was the only spouse at the dinner and it was fine. It was mostly residents and one faculty member, but if there more attendings I still think it would've been fine.
In fact, if you don't go, everyone else from his program will probably be asking why you didn't go to dinner with the group!

[SueC]

Are there meethings before that dinner that your husband could feel some other people out about whether they are bringing their spouses? I would imagine that there would be other spouses going to the meeting, especially since it is in Chicago. Hopefully you will be able to attend, too--it doesn't seem like it would be much fun to sit in the hotel room alone! At any rate, I hope you have a great weekend together! We left the kids last year for a meeting in Chicago and we had a lot of fun. I got to shop while he was in meetings and then in the evenings we would go somewhere good for dinner.

I know, I think it's ridiculous for me not to go. Problem is, he's been very hesitant to tell anyone that I am going! He's told one of the attendings and one fellow but that's it, and he's keeps missing chances to tell people apparently because he doesn't speak up. The attending who was supportive in the beginning is actually not going. He's starting to really upset me! I am trying not to lose it but he is really pushing me.

Thanks, Nellie, and by the way congratulations on becoming the newsletter editor!

[Meenah]

I have always found that spouses are welcome. Enjoy.
Luanne

[twinsmom]

I agree with the other posts - I think it would actually be more uncomfortable for him if you don't go and people ask why he left you in the hotel room.

It wouldn't hurt to have him ask if others are bringing any spouses - that might help him feel a little more comfortable to begin with.

My dh has a meeting in Chicago next month, and the attending actually sent a letter to him, inviting me to come to a dinner on the Monday night. (Too bad we don't have any family around to keep the kids . I don't think the hospitality factor quite extends to two very energetic and curious 15 month-olds ).

I say go and enjoy!

Jen B.

Just curious how this weekend went? What did you decide to do?

Hey there,

We're back from Chicago and I wanted to let you all know about the meeting and dinner. I ended up going but I was the only spouse. It was a little awkward but not too bad...most people were very friendly to me (there were eight of us all together -- 5 attendings and two fellows including my DH). Basically before we left I broke down to myhusband and told him I felt like he was putting his job before me and that he was neglecting me. I think I had let things build up for a while and the dinner was just the icing on the cake. He finally told the attending who was planning the dinner that I would be in town and the attending invited me along. I was pretty stressed beforehand -- I think the buildup was a little more intense than it needed to be -- and I wasn't sure what exactly to wear, but it all turned out fine. However, I am glad it's over! The part I feel odd about is that all the attendings split the bill and wouldn't let my DH pay for me. It was very nice of them, but a bit awkward.

Basically, it was great fun to go to Chicago but my DH was at meetings almost the whole time. If I didn't have friends there I'm not sure it would have been worth going.

Thank you all for your advice and for listening to me!

Jill

What would advise to the next medical spouse to do if they knew they were the only spouse there? Would you say go or nay?

Hmm, that's a tough call. I think it would depend on the particular person and how he/she would feel about being the only one. On one hand I'm glad I went but on the other I think it would have been fine to skip it. Either way I'm glad it's in the past now!

[PrincessFiona]

Jill,

I'm glad that you went and that it was fun despite the stress. I can imagine that it was a little akward to be the only spouse...on the other hand...it sounds like you did great and you got to know some of the attendings!

What did you do while your hubby was at meetings all day? Did you just tour Chicago?

kris

We lived in Chicago for a few years during medical school so it was great to be back in that great city! I mostly shopped and walked around and met old friends for lunch or dinner. I also went running by the lake. And we went to a Cubs game, and I went to see Oprah! She taped three shows the morning we were there -- one of which is airing Thursday. It was a very busy few days, and of course I got sick while we were there. But all in all it was fun, and the weather was great.