My husband is TERRIBLE at gifts & special days

My husband has never been very good at gifts or cards, and with Valentine's Day coming up, I thought maybe I could get some empathy! He used to at least try, though I can't remember a single gift he gave me. One of my favorite things was a Valentine's Day (or Mother's Day??) "card," which was actually just a hand-written note on a blank piece of paper. It was actually really sweet, and I loved it. I don't have high expectations here, really! But this year he just announced that he's not planning to do anything about Valentine's Day - nothing.

I think I'm going to buy myself some flowers!!

[Vanquisher]

Welcome to the club!! Valentine's Day isn't even on my radar. I would've liked something for my 15th year anniversary, but that's another thread. I do think you should go out and get yourself something small, and then tell your dh, "You got me the new earrings I wanted for Valentine's Day! Thank you!"

I'm going to do the same with a new roasting pan.

[TigerLily]

Mine is TERRIBLE at gift buying, but he always does this big build up to it and gets me all excited. Like- You are going to LOVE the gift I got you! it's SO great! and then...it's a vanity chair off of our wedding registry. orrr a CD. I actually started emailing him ideas through out the year, it hasn't worked yet. He discovered that I love edible arrangements, and that is what I've gotten for every bday, anniversary, and vday since. haha It's sweet though. Gifts are definitely not his love language

[MrsK]

It's funny that men are so much harder to shop for than women, yet men have so much trouble shopping for women. I guess it's because they traditionally don't shop much and they don't understand why women like the things they like. It doesn't occur to some men to buy perfume, cosmetics, clothes, handbags, jewelry, or little momentos. And sentimental/symbolic (useless) or creative gifts are completely foreign to my husband.

I don't really care about gifts for hannukah or valentine's day but I do think we should acknowledge eachother's birthdays and our anniversary because those are personal holidays. Our anniversary is the worst. I'd just like a little momento. He even asks me about the "traditional" gifts since I usually get him a traditional gift but then he has no idea what to do. Really, I'd just like him to put some thought into it. It's not like I'm getting him fancy/expensive stuff either. So far, I've gotten him:

1st anniversary (paper): anniversary edition of "The Joy of Sex" book

2nd anniversary (cotton): throw pillow with our engagement picture on it

3rd anniversary (leather): leather picture frame with a picture of him and our son

He's always impressed and goes on and on about how he'd never think of this stuff and how "cool" it is. It's the type of sentimental little stuff that women notice and that most men never knew existed.

BTW, on Super Why they are talking about how to choose a gift and concluding that hugs and kisses are the best presents of all. I have a 2 yo. My life is all about Sesame Street and Super Why.

[corn poffi]

I feel your pain. I'm still waiting on my Christmas/Hanukkah gift!

We don't do V-Day though, so he does get a break there.

[L.Jane]

I feel your pain. I'm still waiting on my Christmas/Hanukkah gift!

We don't do V-Day though, so he does get a break there.

Haha. I have you beat, I am still waiting on my birthday gift which was last may AND my channukah gift. I have to slightly forgive him though, because if there is something I want that is not during a gift giving time he will buy it for me and I am kind of giving him a pass on my bday gift because when we got home from our trip a few weeks ago he stayed up late and let me go to bed while he cleared the snow and ice off my car for me. I'll take that over a materialistic gift any day. We don't do Vday either, but his bday is two days after, so I'm always trying to figure out what the heck to get him this time of year anyway. This year I went with three books and a gift receipt if he has already read them.

[niener]

Actual conversation in my house last night:

Me - "Hey I think I'm going to buy myself (insert gift here) since I want to use it in a couple of weeks."
DH - "No no, I'm still going to get that for you, don't buy it yet"
Me - "Well I know you're busy and probably forgot, so unless you have this thing sitting around the house somewhere I'd rather just go get it"
DH - "No I didn't forget, you just have to be patient"
Me - "Be patient? My birthday was in SEPTEMBER. How much more patient do you want me to be?"
DH - "... good point. Well still, don't buy it, I'll do it this weekend"
Me - "Ok..."

20 bucks says he doesn't do it this weekend.

[ladymoreta]

If you don't get it this weekend, buy it anyway!

My DH buys me presents that are really for him. Like lamps and chairs and tupperware. Or tools. I agree with MrsK, DH has no idea how to purchase a sentimental gift, if it isn't useful/practical than he won't buy it. We picked out a piece of pueblo pottery together for our first anniversary and I got us tickets to a Burlesque show for Valentine's day, it's tonight and I cannot wait! He also always picks out his own presents and tells me to get them. I hate that. At least provide me an opportunity to pick something out for you, if you hate it, take it back. But he's a picky one.

[SoonerTexan]

I told DH what I wanted this year. Truffles and flowers the day after...when they are on clearance.

We started dating on Valentines Day 8 years ago so it is special to us. Heck, he proposed on Valentines Day 4 years ago. He used to make me these stick figure books recapping our relationship that year and when he proposed he made a sideshow of 80 something reasons he loved me. Nothing like that has happened in awhile, but then again it's not like I've been extra awesome either.

But dude...get me the clearance flowers

[SuzySunshine]

We decided right after Christmas we weren't doing gifts for Valentine's Day because we're going to Vegas next weekend and will be going out for a nice dinner and I'll be going to the spa for a day. That is MORE then enough. Then as we're flying home from our house hunting trip last weekend DH says, "your Valentine's Day gift should be here this week" WHAT?!?! I said we're not doing gifts this year and he said you deserve one. UGH! His gifts are about 50/50 hit/miss and I have NO Idea what it will be. More importantly I have NO idea what, if anything, to get him.

[MrsK]

He used to make me these stick figure books recapping our relationship that year and when he proposed he made a sideshow of 80 something reasons he loved me.

That's so cute! I'd swoon if DrK did that for me.

He's getting a "52 Reasons I Love You" deck of cards for v-day. I just finished it. It's so stinkin' cute. But I think I may have repeated "you're sexy" and "our kids" a couple times. But I guess that bears repeating.

[ladymoreta]

Those are too cute, MrsK!

DH and I only do cards for Valentines Day and anniversary, but we try to go out for a nice dinner sometime around then (avoiding the actual day since service is usually terrible). Lately, we've been picking out what we want and telling each other for birthdays and Christmas, with the understanding that we'll go back to picking out gifts when we're out of the newborn baby years. TBH, I'd rather have experiences (dinner, massage, classes, trips) than most gifts. When I pick out gifts for myself, they're usually practical. DH got me a new suitcase for my birthday and a Keurig for Christmas. (Okay, that's not super practical, but it's not jewelry or perfume either.)

[ms.conception]

I can totally relate. My husband has never really given me a gift. I used to take it very personally, that he just put so little effort into it, but have come to terms over the years that he won't change. I just buy myself what I want and let him pay the bill. It would be nice though. Just once, or twice a year to have him be thoughtful and generous.

[Phoebe]

I used to get upset that DH wasn't great about acknowledging birthdays and small holidays. Then I just started telling him what I want. My birthday is right after Christmas and DH goes overboard. I asked him not to get me anything but a cake. And gummi bears! I got both and was happy.